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Original poster

Be warned - children at weddings

121 replies

DeftandGlory · 28/09/2021 20:46

I was going to put this in chat but didn’t want to upset anyone if they are on here.
Basically I went to the weekend of a couple in their late 20’s.Very intellectual, middle class families ; firsts from Cambridge, musical, PHD’s abounded amongst the guests. Friends of the same age, a couple of which had young children: a couple of babes in arms and a couple under 3 .
The under threes talked and screamed through the ceremony including. through the vows. It was a smallish venue so really disruptive and worse there was a back door they could have escaped quietly through.
They were with partners so it’s not as if anyone was a struggling to mange as a single parent.
It was unbelievable that anyone would think it was ok to stay with their kids making such a racket. Lots of people looking at them pointedly.
I’m not sure why they felt it was ok to have kids to scream throughout the ceremony given the IQ level but they did.

So if you are inviting children great but make sure guests are “ given permission” (firmly) to remove children if needed.

OP posts:
NigelSlatersXmasTaters · 28/09/2021 21:52

Duly warned, will only allow the offspring of thick parents at wedding Grin thanks OP

Original poster
DeftandGlory · 28/09/2021 21:54

@Ionlydomassiveones

I think it’s assumed that people bright enough to get a PHD would be bright enough to realise their bawling offspring were ruining the wedding ceremony. They’re just inconsiderate selfish wankers.
Yes this.

Its was a thread in “weddings” just to make sure guests understand screaming bored kids need to be elsewhere,

OP posts:
3scape · 28/09/2021 21:56

Maybe they just knew the couple better than you and realised a bit of background noise wouldn't disrupt them enjoying a family event?
Obviously you're easily distracted to be spending the whole service casting your eyes about to see what everyone else appears to be doing. Remember grown ups are supposed to feign an interest.

3WildOnes · 28/09/2021 21:57

I had lots of children at my wedding. There was some noise in the (church) ceremony from what I remember. It didn’t bother me or my husband at all, certainly didn’t ruin my day!

LobsterNapkin · 28/09/2021 21:57

Not everyone considers a wedding to be a show/performance, that can be spoiled by kids acting up.

WimpoleHat · 28/09/2021 21:58

I agree. I’m all for kids at weddings - but you have to have some consideration for the people for whom it’s a huge day, often meticulously and expensively planned. Your kid makes a noise? Just take him out…. It’s so rude.

Boomshakalakaaaaa · 28/09/2021 21:59

Not everyone is a miserable fucker who equates silent children with absolute bliss and therefore, conversely, any noise emanating from a child as the sound of Satan himself.

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2021 21:59

@DeftandGlory

My point was that maybe they were too clever to get that screaming children were ruining someone’s special day?

I was just a guest as a partner of someone related to the bride, It was fairly grim that this very carefully planned, money spent

wedding ended up being spoilt by their friends,
How hard is it to take out a bored child?

My point was that maybe they were too clever to get that screaming children were ruining someone’s special day?

Dear God. Do you walk around in sackcloth and ashes, doffing your cap at people in University towns?

I can't make up my mind whether you're on a wind up or just suffering very low self-esteem.

HeckinMiffed · 28/09/2021 21:59

@martingrowler

We didn't have kids at our wedding and were thick as shit
Grin

my two year old chatted at my best friend's wedding, I offered to take him out. she laughed and said not to worry. Thats how to deal with it.

Also thick as shit

RahRahRa · 28/09/2021 22:01

This is nothing to do with weddings. It’s all about the parents and their lack of parenting skills….Having taken small children to weddings, they might talk a little bit but would shut up when told to and taken out if they didn’t.

WimpoleHat · 28/09/2021 22:03

@Boomshakalakaaaaa

Not everyone is a miserable fucker who equates silent children with absolute bliss and therefore, conversely, any noise emanating from a child as the sound of Satan himself.
It’s not that, is it? There’s a time and place….and a level at which you need to have some self awareness as a parent. I went to a family wedding recently. The bride’s cousin’s kid yelled all through it. The groom’s nan couldn’t hear the ceremony and it obviously spoilt it for both sets of parents. Cousin could easily have stepped outside for five minutes. On the other hand, it was lovely to see said child dancing and having fun at the reception. It just needs a bit of thought for others….
PastelFlowerJelly · 28/09/2021 22:03

Hahahahaha, have you ever been to a 5 star kids resort hotel? Rooms that cost £300-500 per night so you can bet every family there is pretty "intellectual". It's absolute fucking bedlam...parents letting their kids run wild, sick kids coughing and spluttering (post covid) in a packed buffet queue and an ear splitting level of noise everywhere you go. It's still a fantastic experience for the kids, but expecting ones from better-off families to be better behaved is a total myth. Some reasons:

  1. The wealthier and more successful someone is, the more entitled they are and they genuinely don't give a shit if their child is annoying to others.

  2. Many high-earning parents don't see their children that often, eg. both working with kids in nursery or lots of work trips and late nights. This means they are more likely to turn a blind eye on bad behaviour during the small pockets of time they do spend with their children.

  3. Under 3s are hellish to begin with. IQ of the parents are useless when you're up against a mostly non-verbal, impulse-driven banshee. Some parents get so used to the level of noise they might genuinely not realise it's irritating to others.

  4. The parents might be extremely close to the bride and groom. In which case they know the wedding couple won't care, especially if they all have children around the same age.

  5. "Coded luxury" describes extremely expensive brands that most people don't recognise but they are only meant to be recognised by a few. "Coded social status" is a similar thing in which the parents are using their noisy kids to assert their place on the social event. They are basically implying they don't care about being judged because they are close enough to the inner circle of the wedding party for it not to matter. And at the same time, they get a smug kick out of it genuinely annoying the few people who don't know them well...ie those who looked over pointedly.

  6. Behavioural issues like ASD or ADHD don't discriminate based on IQ so it's a remote but not impossible chance that some of the kids weren't NT.

  7. This may be an unpopular opinion but many "discipline" methods that work for small children before they are fully verbal are rooted in aggression or punishment. They quickly learn how to behave if they are shouted at, ignored or punished. This type of behaviour is arguably less common in "intellectual PHD parents" so the kids seem to be more spoiled and bratty. A perfectly well-behaved child in public doesn't say anything about how good the parents are.

Original poster
DeftandGlory · 28/09/2021 22:03

@3scape

Maybe they just knew the couple better than you and realised a bit of background noise wouldn't disrupt them enjoying a family event? Obviously you're easily distracted to be spending the whole service casting your eyes about to see what everyone else appears to be doing. Remember grown ups are supposed to feign an interest.
Nope. The mother of the groom was cross that the celebrant didn’t say anything and allow them an “ out”.Everyone commented afterwards.

Honestly, it was loud and utterly disruptive . They had a videographer. There will be no chance of her catching the vows . No one expects kids to behave because why should they. But take them out. It’s not hard.

OP posts:
Peanutsandchilli · 28/09/2021 22:05

Sounds like it was your wedding so presumably you invited these children.

All your PhDs and firsts from Cambridge and you don't know that toddlers make noise? Hmm

Janaih · 28/09/2021 22:06

Middle class intellectual kids are the worst. I always keep a grimms rainbow in my handbag to throw at them.

underneaththeash · 28/09/2021 22:07

Lisa at weddings not a good idea. They don’t enjoy it..

underneaththeash · 28/09/2021 22:08

Won’t let me quote…Lisa = kids!

Helporhindrance07 · 28/09/2021 22:09

My toddler decided to loudly tell me at a wedding earlier this year that the bride looked like a princess as she walked down the aisle, so I suppose I should have ejected them for that then? Hmm pretty sure the bride didn’t mind!

Original poster
DeftandGlory · 28/09/2021 22:10

WorraLiberty
What are you on about? I have great self esteem.
The point was clever people were really rude at wedding someone had forked out thousands for.
It was a warning that you really need to point out what appropriate behaviour is nowadays,

OP posts:
sarah13xx · 28/09/2021 22:11

We’re taking our baby (6 weeks) to a wedding this weekend. I’ve already said there is no possibility I’d ever take him into the ceremony. He will go a walk with my partner at that point. Not sure about the rest of the day but any quiet parts he has the potential to ruin by crying I will take him away at. Couldn’t cope with him making noise throughout the ceremony, no idea how people can just sit there

PastelFlowerJelly · 28/09/2021 22:11

Adding to point 6 on my previous post, it may also be possible that the parents have some degree of ASD/ADD. That often makes it difficult to read social cues so they might have had more anxiety about being judged for leaving the ceremony.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 28/09/2021 22:13

well, maybe the bride and groom told them not to leave if the children were noisy?

One wedding I went to the bride and groom invited all the noisy children up to the alter with them and said their vows surrounded by children playing

It was beautiful

WimpoleHat · 28/09/2021 22:13

@Helporhindrance07

My toddler decided to loudly tell me at a wedding earlier this year that the bride looked like a princess as she walked down the aisle, so I suppose I should have ejected them for that then? Hmm pretty sure the bride didn’t mind!
There’s a huge difference between that and a child shrieking “Mummy, mummy” constantly throughout the ceremony, though….
Suitcaseseverywhere · 28/09/2021 22:14

What has them being intellectually deleted got to do with how they behaved?

Intellectual people are just the same as the rest of us. Some are dicks with no common sense.

Suitcaseseverywhere · 28/09/2021 22:14

Intellectual. No idea what my phone was up to. It’s not intellectual.

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