Cat chat - 100 slave tips

[YesQueen]

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Asbo went from hero to zero this morning.

Killed huge fuck off spider overnight ⭐️
Pissed all over the splashback 🤦🏻‍♀️

No idea why.

The splashback in the kitchen sink?

Nobody's perfect.

Honestly, London really is the pits. Someone I know's DS has been sent to prison. We were full of concern as Wandsworth Gaol is terrifying/fatal but apparently the family are jubilant. Business is better in than out apparently, dealing crack and spice.

The youthful entrepreneur says 'I only go to prison to make money'.

So you see little asbo could be worse.

God that’s depressing.

And no, not the sink. The cooker.

Sorry to be gloomsome. As it happens the clink rehab is a bloody site better than the private ones wh is no small compensation. A lot of prisoners give up when they come out anyway.

The cooker?!*? Asbo, how could you, mummy's little perfect kitten!... what about putting a wad of sheets of foil up and then just peeling it off as, er required. Chinese takeaway tip.

But then dh would notice 😀

The whole thing's DH's fault. He upset asbo.

He upset asbo by existing

It’s my fault. Bought fish flavour food in jelly, always sets him off.

Mr Lovebug needed some fuss so slept all night on my bed with his paw on my arm

I bought new cat bowls
Ollie "WTF mama. Really?"
Me "they're anatomically designed so you don't strain your neck!"
Ollie < falls off windowsill >
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Paw on arm the sweetest ever. I take it you weren't permitted to breathe, let alone move, all night.

Now the temperature is dropping and Socks is finding her feet (paws) I’m waking up lying on my back to find her snuggled between my legs at night.
Bit worried about Matt. He has woken me up the last couple of night making a choking noise, although he seems fine in the day and is eating lots as usual. However he has also lost his miaow! He can only produce a very pathetic, croaky effort.
I suspect a fur ball especially as the night before this started he came in soaking wet and had an even more thorough wash than usual.
Any thoughts?

Fur ball paste to see what happens?

Thanks, Spartacus. I’ve just googled it and will be going to get some tomorrow.

cat grass works, I always keep a pot growing by the food station.

i can post you some seeds if you like - keeps the retching down beautifully.

He does eat quite a bit of grass but it’s ordinary lawn - is cat grass different, I wonder? Or just aimed at pet owners without gardens?

Here are the new cat bowls and a gratuitous Munch pic

Cat grass is wheatgrass i think but ordinary grass will do.

He's got a furball right enough, for some reason they only come out at night. With the dial turned up to 11.

Look at Munch so sweetly confident! Two bowls, eh.

Thanks, Lana.
One bowl for Ollie, one for Munch, Queen.

Munch is always confident he just launches in the window and strolls in
One bowl for wet, one for dry

Has there been a nocturnal event Paper? Mr C saved them for the hall where the echo worked best.

Here I am, mired in grief and I have no recent pic of Matt's celestially fluffy tummy to console me.

He didn’t choke, Lana, unless I slept through it, but his meow is still quieter than usual.
I will endeavour to get you a furry tum-tum pic!

Has there been a nocturnal event I always thought this was a euphemism for something that happens to teenage boys - but in this case, I think it was a euphemism for a hacking and a hecking and a resulting gooey puddle with a furry lump in the middle ...

Perish the very thought of self-pollution!!!! I am sure Matt is no follower of the evils of Onan!!!!!

Our family cat Miss B used to wank madly by grating herself on carpet. She loved the stair rug most. 'Mummy! Miss B's skiing again!' we tots cried in delight.

Miss B sounds quite reserved. I know someone who decided to neuter their lady cat only after they were awakened by her squatting on their nose.