Old dog unwell and incontinent and we are due to go on holiday soon.

[LabsAreTheBest]

I have an old labrador who is not well. He has a slow growing cancer and a bit of arthritis. The trouble is he is now starting to wee and poo indoors. He is well in himself and still enjoys his food (well, he's a lab) and a slow and short walk daily. He is still happy but he sleeps most of the time. The pooing and weeing is happening almost every day now - it is mostly at night when he can't get out. When he was younger if he ever needed to wee / poo he would bark at night and he would only ever need to go once in a blue moon. Now he doesn't bark and he's soiling in the kitchen most nights. I have no utility room or anywhere else I can put him. I am putting puppy pads out every night now.

We am going away at the end of the month and he was going to stay with a friend of mine for the week - he's stayed there before and he loves it there. The thing is now he is often weeing and pooing in the house I think this is too big an ask of my friend.

What other options are there for me. I suggested a house / pet sitter to my OH but he is adamant he doesn't want anyone staying at our house. I am wondering if maybe it might be time for the end but I do feel it's too early and that I'm just doing it out of convenience almost.

FFS please do the right thing and have the poor dog pts. It's not about you!

I would probably cancel the holiday tbh, or at least postpone it.

He sounds like he needs to be with you for the rest of the time you have with him. Please don't have him put down just to save inconvenience if he is still getting some pleasure in life.

My old dog started doing this. We carried on as she still liked walks. In hindsight we should have ended it. In your shoes I would let the dog have dignity and use the time away for.a bit of healing. I don't think you can expect someone to take a dog who poos everywhere either.

I think the only option is to postpone your holiday. He can't stay with your friend. Your husband won't let anyone stay in the house, and it's unfair to put him in kennels. You can't euthanase if he is well in himself. Either postpone or one of you go and the other stay behind.

Honestly the kindest thing to do would be to put him to sleep as soon as possible. He doesn't sound like he has a good quality of life from what you've said.

sorty op, I don’t think I’d go away unless I had a family member secured who doesn’t mind a clean up daily. I agree don’t pts unless he seems miserable but at the same time watch for any decline. I’m so sorry x

I think you’re right that sending him to someone to look after isn’t really fair on them or him. I probably would cancel
the holiday if possible. If he’s nearing the end, incontinence if not caused by something treatable, can be a sign that he doesn’t have long left (it’s actually really stressful for dogs to not be able to control these needs.). It’s about quality of life not quantity, and I would seriously consider pts, better a week too early than a day too late.

I mean, how miserable does he have to be? Not barking, incontinent, sleeping most of the time. That’s not a happy existence.

I would both postpone the holiday and arrange to PTS. And no, he can’t go to someone else while you are away.

How old is he OP? We’re in a similar position with our Lab. Our hearts are just broken.

I faced this last year, and my 17yr old JRT went to his usual, and lovely dog sitter for a week whilst I was away. When I got home he’d really deteriorated and sadly I decided it was time for him to be pts and that happened just a few days after I got home. With hindsight I wish I’d made that decision earlier.
There’s truth in the saying better a day too early than a day too late.

He was also incontinent and had no interest in anything going on around him.

Cancel the holiday or tell your DH your friend will need to come to your house. A friend of mine was in this position and didn't go on holiday for a while because they couldn't leave or take their dog.

It's time for pts I'm afraid. His quality of life has deteriorated to the point of being poor. You certainly shouldn't ask your friend to have him and I guess that even if you did, the dog would find it too disorienting to spend his nights in a different house with a different routine.
Do the kindest thing possible and have him pts before your holiday and then take the time away to relax. I think you will be surprised how tense you have been while he has been ill.
It's ever an easy decision but it is one that all responsible pet owners know that they have to do in the animal's best interests, putting their own grief aside.

Honestly? I’d either cancel the holiday or I’d have the dog put down. You are right in that you can’t expect a friend to look after an incontinent and failing dog, nor a pet sitter in your house.

Double incontinence was pretty much the last stage with our old dog. Her back legs gave up around the same time and we had her put down then.

If you can postpone the holiday I would. Realistically your dog doesn’t have long. Another week might feel like a very different situation. The stress of you going away may well be too much and unfair in the last few days. Better to pts before.

Im sorry, this is the worst part of pet ownership, not them dying but making the “it’s time” decision.

He's just turned 12. Some days he is fab - like last weekend he walked at a good pace for an hour quite happily and it was amazing. But others he's not good.

Our holiday is for DH's neice's wedding abroad. We kinda have to go and can't postpone it. If we don't go it will cause a lot of upset (DH's family can be quite a prickly bunch). They aren't pet people and won't understand.

You don’t say how old he is but assuming he is properly old, I’m afraid I would consider having him PTS.

Very personal decision though.

Oh he’s not as old as I thought, that makes it much harder.

Could your husband attend the wedding without you as it is his niece? I don’t think it’s fair to ask a friend or dog sitter so kennels could be the only other option.

Only you know your dog’s quality of life & what your limits are. Personally I couldn’t cope with an incontinent dog so would choose to PTS.

We had our girl PTS at that stage - the incontinence really stressed her out. Even though she was never scolded she acted as if she was (ears down, hiding) It was all just too much for her.

OP, it’s very tough but yes, you clearly have to go to the wedding (and in fairness, you can see why they wouldn’t understand you missing it!) & it seems like PTS is the kindest, if very sad, option.

If you feel like the dog is unhappy by the time of the wedding, then you need to have him put to sleep first. If he isn't then you can't go. The dog is a member of the family and not only that, but he is their because you have decided to make him part of the family. You have a responsibility to care for him. Whether DH's family understand is frankly irrelevant.

He doesn't seem distressed at the soiling at all. We don't tell him off for it. If it was stressing him of course I'd make the decision.

I don't think my already paper thin relationship with my MIL would survive me not going on account of this. They don't like the dog anyway so they simply wouldn't get it.

I know this isn't about me but because he's largely happy and because every online quality of life test I've done seems to suggest he's not quite there yet then his holiday / wedding situation feels like I'm going to have to end up having PTS just for our convenience and that feels truly horrendous.

I think your H needs to compromise and allow a sitter in the house if cancellation isn’t an option.

What does your friend say? Have you actually told her what’s going on? I mean I would deal with this happily for a week but it’s not for everyone.
If she’s happy then you can go on your holiday.
But an incontinent dog with a malignancy is only going one way and having a dog euthanised a little early is not the worst thing that can happen to them unfortunately.

Alternatively, if the incontinence is the problem, I would change the feeding regime.
I would look at how many hours are between the last meal and the bowel movement and and then move the last mealtime early enough for the dog to have a walk and bowel movement before settling for the night.
You could also reduce the size of the meals and limit water intake in the evening.