Old dog unwell and incontinent and we are due to go on holiday soon.

[LabsAreTheBest]

I have an old labrador who is not well. He has a slow growing cancer and a bit of arthritis. The trouble is he is now starting to wee and poo indoors. He is well in himself and still enjoys his food (well, he's a lab) and a slow and short walk daily. He is still happy but he sleeps most of the time. The pooing and weeing is happening almost every day now - it is mostly at night when he can't get out. When he was younger if he ever needed to wee / poo he would bark at night and he would only ever need to go once in a blue moon. Now he doesn't bark and he's soiling in the kitchen most nights. I have no utility room or anywhere else I can put him. I am putting puppy pads out every night now.

We am going away at the end of the month and he was going to stay with a friend of mine for the week - he's stayed there before and he loves it there. The thing is now he is often weeing and pooing in the house I think this is too big an ask of my friend.

What other options are there for me. I suggested a house / pet sitter to my OH but he is adamant he doesn't want anyone staying at our house. I am wondering if maybe it might be time for the end but I do feel it's too early and that I'm just doing it out of convenience almost.

I wouldn’t care about ruining a relationship with someone who can’t understand why you need to stay home.

My friend has said to watch and wait until closer the time. Which I'm translating as her saying that she's not keen on dealing with it. I think I'd say the same. It's a big ask.

To those saying that my in-laws will just have to suck it up, I'm afraid it's way more nuanced than that. I wish it were that simple. Not going simply isn't an option.

Dh won't allow a sitter. We had one once years and years ago when he was a puppy and they caused some damage so he's not going to budge. We also recently had a cleaner steal from us so to be honest I don't really want someone in our home. It's hard to trust people when you've had bad experiences.

You would not be having him PTS for your convenience but because he is old and ill and has none of the normal abilities that make a dog's life a pleasure. His time has come. It would be a kindness to let him go. I am sure the vet would agree.

He’s an old fella with cancer who sleeps most of the time and is now incontinent. I think it would be kindest to PTS now, what’s the point in prolonging it?

I genuinely don't understand your reluctance to put him to sleep. The fact he enjoyed a walk a few days ago is something you deem noteworthy should be enough to show his quality of life isn't good. Delaying the inevitable isn't going to make it less sad but it will mean he suffers for less time.

It does sound as though he is perhaps nearing the time when you have to make the decision, I am so sorry. However if you don't feel he's quite there yet, I'd be telling DH the options are either you don't attend the wedding, or you have a sitter stay with him at home. In honesty you may not be entirely comfortable going away in case he deteriorates. It's the hardest part of dog ownership for sure x

I'd risk the wrath of mil and stay home to spend his last bits of life with him. After a lifetime of love you owe him that. He won't understand if you both go and leave him. I think you either need to have him PTS which you say feels too soon and would be for your convenience or you need to stay with him whilst he still enjoys walks and food until he deteriorates further and he has to be PTS. It's your DH niece so as long as he goes what foes it matters what your mil thinks?

Are you waiting for a defining health crisis when he’s incontrovertibly suffering before he’s PTS? Because though that would be understandable, it’s not fair on him to wait until you can see that he’s in pain or can’t breathe

Honestly, as others have said, your lovely pup sleeps most of the day and is feeling so poorly he’s doubly incontinent. Also, if you did leave him with your friend, what if he took a turn for the worse while in her care and she had to take him to the vet? Asking a friend to care for a terminally ill doubly incontinent dog is a very big ask.

It’s so hard to let go but it sounds like he’s closer than you think. There’s that saying isn’t there - better a day too soon than a day too late.

That’s a really good point.

OP, I really feel for you. I can completely understand how it feels like a horrendous choice due to the pressures of attending the wedding. I also get it’s not a choice to cancel.

I’m sure you’ve done this but can your vet offer any suggestions or guidance?

Dogs really don’t tell us when they are having a bad time. Especially labs. Because they are just the best and they see the best in everything and everyone. My gorgeous boy had cancer and even in his last 24 hours gave signs he was happy, he honestly was happy but he was also very very poorly. He never got to the stage of being incontinent (and he was much younger) but he was struggling to walk and I know I’d only be keeping him for my own comfort. I’m so terribly sorry OP but I think you need to let him go peacefully.

Wedding, holiday, housesitter, MIL - all completely irrelevant.

Well I’d happily prioritise my dog over my relationship with my MIL. Who gives a shit if she doesn’t understand. Thats her problem not yours. Why can’t you be furious with her for not understanding and having more empathy? Seriously fuck her. Send your dh to the wedding and stay at home.

or pts if the time is right. But not because of a holiday.

I wouldn’t end a dogs life in these circumstances just so I could go to an abroad wedding. I certainly wouldn’t put them to sleep to keep the peace with a relative regardless of how thin the relationship already is. I wouldn’t want someone who holds that against me in my life anyway

That would be the reason i cancel. Could just one of you go? Tbh, doggy has very few days, please spend it with them, than a judgy human.

I wouldn’t PTS if he’s happy in himself. Incontinence is a hassle for owners but if it’s not bothering the dog then it may not be affecting quality of life. DDog is 13 and starting to have these kind of issues but is absolutely happy otherwise, delighted to go for walks, as happy as she ever was, so we would never PTS just because something is a hassle for us. It’s just part of having an old dog.

We’ve decided not to go away without her though from now on, as it’s not fair to ask someone else to deal with it. In fairness our local kennels didn’t have an issue with it but I think we will stick to local holidays she can join us on until she’s no longer with us.

Sorry for you. If it was me I would pts because of all of your dogs conditions.
I have an old dog who had been toileting at nighttime but I was able to resolve it with changing his diet and feeding times. If I hadn’t as he is frail and old I would have pts.
might be worth talking to your vet.

Have you looked into luxury-type kennels around? We use a ‘dog hotel’ type place which has much nicer accommodation than standard kennels and they generally aren’t fazed by cleaning up some poo and wee. Our one even has cameras so you can see your dog.

I had to make this decision for my 13.5 year old dog in June. She became very ill, very suddenly and wasn't responding to treatment. She wasn't soiling in the house but she was sleeping most of the time, which was completely unlike her. She'd lost her previously healthy appetite at the time she became ill and was only eating tiny amounts, even with appetite stimulants. She also lost the sparkle in her eyes at this time. I think she was tired, very ill and her life was coming to an end. It's still very raw but I know I did the kindest thing for her by letting her go before she deteriorated further.

No-one on MN knows your dog better than you do. Perhaps you could ask your vet for his/her opinion on how things are likely to progress over the coming weeks and make a decision based on that. X

No! People come first. People who are flaky becayse of pets are a pain. These people will have paid for the ops presence at the wedding. 12 is a decent enough age. He’s not going to recover at 12. He’s had a good life and deserves to not have a prolonged illness. Speak to the vet.

In a similar position. Only you know the right time and I personally wouldn’t hasten pts. Is there an option for you to join the trip just for the important bit - look after him the rest of the time. I’m sure you’ve exhausted treatments for him as well … my old arthritic girl really rallied with a monthly pain blocking injection at the vet. Also needed taking out middle of the night until feed times changed. Sorry for your dilemma though..

And definitely don’t PTS because of a social occasion, even if it does piss off MiL. You’d never forgive yourself and you will carry it with you forever. I’m generally quite pragmatic about having an animal PTS but older dog incontinence that isn’t really bothering them isn’t a good reason. Sure it makes the humans’ lives easier as they don’t have to deal with it, but if your dog has a good quality of life then there’s no need to PTS at this point.

id say if you aren’t 100% sure then don’t pts yet. Have you explored all options of painkillers with your vets? There may be other options that you can try, including acupuncture.

with regards to the incontinence, can you not persuade your husband to have someone stay? If not then would your friend consider having him if he were confined to maybe a smaller area for ease of cleaning? Or could you speak to your vet? Sometimes vets will let the dog board for a short period of time or else there may be a veterinary nurse willing to look after him while you go away. (I used to be one and I did this a few times for clients).

I agree, and it doesn’t actually really sound like incontinence to me. Or at least not how I would describe it, which would be loss of control of bladder/bowels. If he’s toileting normally during the day (for the most part) then it’s more a case that he just can’t hold it overnight like he used to be able to?

Would you consider him going to a dog boarder, if it wouldn’t distress him? We had a dog with similar ish health issues, and we found a lovely man who was willing to take her for a few nights. We had another dog too though, so she wasn’t on her own.

If you genuinely don’t think it’s his time to go yet then I really, really wouldn’t have him put to sleep just because of a wedding.

You sound awful. If my dog had to be put to sleep I wouldn’t be going to a wedding a few days later

Could the friend stay at your house instead? That way the dog is in a familiar setting and there is no mess in her property.