Old dog unwell and incontinent and we are due to go on holiday soon.

[LabsAreTheBest]

I have an old labrador who is not well. He has a slow growing cancer and a bit of arthritis. The trouble is he is now starting to wee and poo indoors. He is well in himself and still enjoys his food (well, he's a lab) and a slow and short walk daily. He is still happy but he sleeps most of the time. The pooing and weeing is happening almost every day now - it is mostly at night when he can't get out. When he was younger if he ever needed to wee / poo he would bark at night and he would only ever need to go once in a blue moon. Now he doesn't bark and he's soiling in the kitchen most nights. I have no utility room or anywhere else I can put him. I am putting puppy pads out every night now.

We am going away at the end of the month and he was going to stay with a friend of mine for the week - he's stayed there before and he loves it there. The thing is now he is often weeing and pooing in the house I think this is too big an ask of my friend.

What other options are there for me. I suggested a house / pet sitter to my OH but he is adamant he doesn't want anyone staying at our house. I am wondering if maybe it might be time for the end but I do feel it's too early and that I'm just doing it out of convenience almost.

What does your husband actually suggest then?

if it was me, I’d compromise. Husband goes to the wedding and you stay at home with the dog. Only you know if he is ready to be PTS or if you’re bringing that forward for convenience

What’s your husband’s solution?
It would be possible to get a dog sitter even with your dogs problems.
Is he suggesting euthanasia?
or is he just abdicating responsibility?

Husband goes, you stay. Sod the MIL, it's not her decision to make and this is outside your control. Bloody weddings, everyone losing their shit...you have a duty to your dog.

Would your friend agree to stay at yours with your dog and would your DH agree to that? That way she wouldn’t have any damage to her own house but would obviously still have to do the cleaning up .

Oh op I really feel for you! I certainly wouldn't know what to do but I'd not PTS if he was still happy in himself, you'd be forever thinking you'd done it for convenience, even if it's not.
Have you tried calling the vets and asking if they know anyone who would have him? A veterinary nurse maybe?

My JRT is almost 17 and I'm not booking a holiday for next year as I'd likely be in the same situation you are and I wouldn't know what I'd do.

If you re-read my post you will see that I was talking about people in general not the OP. We are all different but I think the idea of the owner knowing because the dog told them is ludicrous. Many many people very clearly do not know as evidenced by the constant stream of "is it time" type threads on here and what one sees if one opens ones eyes and takes time to look at dogs they may see while out walking on almost any given day.

There was thread on Pets the other day. It was heart-breaking. The dog couldn't have been screaming any louder that it was way past time and still the owner was questioning it. Shame on you was one poster's response (not mine but I could understand why she wrote it).

Honestly, I think you should have had him PTS before now and the holiday is a red herring. You need to do the right thing OP. And remember, 'better a week too early than a day too late'.

It depends what will be hardest for you to cope with in the long run - knowing you put your ddog to sleep when they still had some quality life left in them, or missing the wedding and having a lifetime of grief with your in laws. Given that it’s your husbands family I’d be a bit pissed off at his unwillingness to budge on the house sitter, although it’s still a lot to ask of someone - caring for an unwell dog and cleaning up their mess - even if it’s not in their home.

A very tough one I’m afraid op. I get why you can’t miss the wedding but I’m not sure I could sleep easy knowing I’d put my dog down before his time just for the sake of keeping in laws happy. Is there any possibility of Dh going alone?

If not I guess you’ll just have to see how the next few weeks play out. He could get sicker in that time (not that you’d want that but it might make the decision easier for you).

Tell your DH to go to the wedding to appease the MIL. Stay home with your dog...end of.

There is a clear answer here. You say the online quality of life tests say not quite yet, he does not seem to upset with the nightly accidents, and he had a lovely hour-long week walk recently. Your DH has to budge here and have someone sit with him like he would if he had to leave his child at home quite honestly. Plus you get protection from burglary - what is the issue? Buy a lock for your bedroom door or tell the sitter you have cameras whatever it takes for him to feel comfortable although I cannot quite see what the issue is when people won't allow this

For me, I'd have to consider euthanasia if the dog was in pain and wasn't getting relief from pain medication. If they were still eating, but slow and incontinent, I would only consider euthanasia if my pet was ashamed of the incontinence. I wouldn't ever want my pet to be anything but happy and content with life.

Reading with interest as our dog is 15 and a half and we are due to go away later this month. Fortunately, one of our adult children is coming home to dog-sit (and wfh). But gosh, everything else you’ve said really resonates as SIL always used to have him but we’ve stopped that now as it’s not fair.
Ours doesn’t have cancer (to our knowledge, although he is losing weight despite eating a lot) but he is pretty deaf and only has minimal sight now too. Arthritis is pretty bad and he is on maximum meds for that.
BUT…. I get that on paper it sounds bad but he really does seem content and most days has a bouncy puppy lollop at some point and he’s back to our original boy. Then he sleeps and sleeps. Accidents indoors are increasing and sometimes there’s no rhyme or reason to it.
I spend my days on high alert, assessing his condition. It’s quite stressful. A few people have said that it’s rare for the vet to say, “now is the time” and invariably we have to make the call. I just dread a crisis point so the phrase, ‘better a week too soon than a day too late’ really makes sense.
Wishing you good luck.

Oh and I meant to ask, what is your husband’s contribution/suggestion/solution to the situation here? He says you have to go on the holiday but won’t have sitters. Just what does he think should happen then? And why is this just your problem to solve?

And if you re-read my post you will see that I said I KNOW because my dogs tell me. That isn’t ludicrous at all. I know them, inside and out, they are with me day in, day out and I have always known (more than 30 times now, I have been fortunate enough to have a lot of dogs) when it is time.
If owners are pushing past that point, it is not for the benefit of the dog. I do not agree op is doing that. He’s walking, he’s eating, he passes the quality of life assessment. Would I euthanise for incontinence alone? Absolutely not. If he is in pain and suffering yes. Accidents in the house, no, providing he wasn’t distressed by it, which op says he is not.
And I have no idea where you are walking where you see all these obviously suffering dogs. I walk miles, literally miles and miles every day with mine, in various parts of the country. I have not seen that.

Remember your dog only lives in today. He's not looking forward to tomorrow or anticipating a long life.

In your position, I would suggest that your husband goes to the wedding and you stay home with the dog. I wouldn't have my dog PTS earlier than I thought I should just because of a wedding. MIL will just have to get over it.

This !
Had to have my beloved dog pts this year. I was worrying as we did have a very important event to go to and in the end ddog died a month before, but had she been still with us we would have just had to do a lot of juggling and work something out.

Yes it would be absolutely horrendous. DH can go to the wedding on his own while you stand up for your loyal old dog and stay with him.

Please pts, my ex let my ddog continue and it was pretty traumatic at the end, acting a few weeks earlier saves pain and suffering

When our dog got elderly, DH and I sat down and discussed what would trigger us to PTS and long term incontinence was near the top of the list. We were at the point of discussing it regularly when he became unwell, we could have prolonged his life but we were already questioning QOL at the time so we PTS. Hardest thing I have ever done and yes we could have got more months out of him but who was that for, me or him? Dogs live in the moment so it would have been selfishness on my side.

If you can’t cancel the holiday, stay home or get a sitter PTS is really your only option, isn’t it? It sounds like your dog is unlikely to improve.

In my kindest most loving way OP it's very close to being time. And I am utterly obsessed with my dogs but from experience it's better a week too early than a day too late.

Sounds like either you or your DH will need to stay home with the dog. It’s doesn’t sound like you are at pts stage but not appropriate for anyone else to be looking after him.

Feel for you @LabsAreTheBest we just said goodbye to our 15yr old lab. Genuinely I would have bailed on the wedding rather than put the old fella somewhere else - he was in the midst of doggy dementia at the end.
or poss could your friend stay at yours so he isn’t having all the upheaval?

PTS does seem a bit drastic if it’s done just over a but of incontinence…you would know in yourself if the time was right for him to go…..it won’t sit well with you if you PTS when you know he’s still got some happy times ahead and you did it for convenience….

xx

I’m staggered at the amount of people who would put a dog to sleep if the only issue was incontinence….

just being old isn’t a reason to PTS, they might have the odd accident, but they can have happy times as old dogs 😟

We had to have our 14 year old Labrador put to sleep in March. Exactly same symptoms, pooing and weeing where she slept, completely oblivious, still had an appetite and went for small walks. She was struggling with her back end, her arthritis medication no longer helped.

I initially made an appointment with my vet just to chat about what she was doing, he advised me that she was a really good age and had had a great life, but keeping her like this wasn’t fair on her. He told us we’d done everything we possibly could and it was our decision if we wanted to put her to sleep, all he could advise was that she was suffering.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I’m crying as I type this. We have her ashes and won’t forget all the fun we had as a family. It probably isn’t what you wanted to hear, it’s truly heartbreaking. For an honest professional opinion make an appointment with your vet, that way you’ll get the best advice and not confused by all the opinions on Mumsnet. I wish you well and feel your pain, it is so, so difficult, take care.