Would you let your 15yo do this on a school night?

[Mumof3andtea]

Hi, just wondering if I'm being unreasonable here.

DD is 15, 16 in a few months, and wants to go into town after school with 2 friends today. They are apparently getting something for one of the girls birthdays and then going for something to eat.

I said yes originally as she has done this journey loads of times and knows the area etc. It's not like she's going somewhere I've never heard of. She would get the bus home and normally be back about 8ish.

But I've just realised it's obviously getting dark earlier now and I don't really like the idea of her coming back on the bus after dark on a Monday night. I know 8pm isn't exactly the middle of the night but it still feels different now she's back at school and it's dark by then.

DH thinks I'm being completely ridiculous and says she is 15 not 5 and if anything this is exactly the sort of thing she should be doing by herself. He said if I keep saying no to everything she'll just stop telling us what she's doing.

Which I do understand tbh.

She is generally sensible. She has a phone, knows to message me when she's leaving and I can see roughly where she is anyway. Her friends are all sensible as well, although obviously you never know.

The thing is I don't actually have a problem with her going into town. It's the coming home part I don't like. If it was the weekend and she was with us later I probably wouldn't think twice about it.

I've suggested DH picks her up at 7.30 but apparently that defeats the whole point and she doesn't want to leave before her friends.

Now she's saying I'm embarrassing her and that none of her friends mums are making a fuss about it. Which I'm taking with a pinch of salt obviously.

Would you let a 15 year old do this? Or would you say home before dark on a school night?

I don't want to be one of those parents who treats a nearly 16 year old like she's 10 but equally I don't think I'm unreasonable for worrying about her getting the bus home in the dark.

What would you do?

I’d let her go.

I mean to put it simply your 15/16 well behaved DD wants to stay out till 8pm? Yes I’d let her if she was my DD.

Curfew of 8pm is very early for a 15 year old.

particularly given this is basically a friends birthday party and they are going out for a meal.

YABU

I'd be fine with that, unless you have reason to think she's not doing what she says she's doing? Probably better Monday night than Friday (based on what I was up to on Friday nights aged 15/16...) She's definitely old enough to be out after dark.

My mum always used to meet me off the bus to walk home though our village. Is that an option?

Yes, definitely. If you are ultra paranoid, pay for an Uber.

I don’t yet have kids this age so I’m throwing my opinion in without experience. But I wonder what age you think she should be able to travel at this time? It sounds like she’s been travelling herself during the day for a while but maybe this is the next step time? I think you just have to decide is she ready to handle the next step, and have some specific discussions about her concerns. Ie say to her, what if a man was bothering her on the bus, what would she do? Hopefully she can give answers that satisfy and you just need to sit on your hands for the first few times as she proves she can do it. 8pm isn’t midnight, and before long she’ll expect to travel about later won’t she?

You’re being totally ridiculous. How do you think a bus is going to change between the hours of 7pm and 8pm?

By your logic, she won’t be allowed out after 5pm in December then.

Let her go.

Yes of course! My dd is same age as yours.

She'll be fine. Yes it's getting dark but soon it will be dark by 5pm or earlier depending where you live and you can't keep her locked up for the winter. As pp suggests, make sure she knows how to handle a bus wierdo or emergency situation

My DD is exactly the same age. Yes - definitely I would allow this. Through winter she comes home alone from an extra curricular club (travel is a train then bus) which finishes at 9pm.

I think my response would depend on the frequency and reliability of the bus service.

I let my just turned 14 yo do this

Dd2 is 13 and does this regularly. She needs to do it this week actually as has a party on Friday and I don’t have time to take her to the shops for a present. DD1 is 16 and frequently works til 9pm in the city centre then gets home after fine.

You are being totally ridiculous. Let the poor lass go out with her pals.

If you have already said yes, I don't think it would be wise to say no.

Travel.wpuldn't be the issue for me, but homework would be. At this age and stage, ours had 90 minutes. Are you c9nfident she will start it by 8.30pm, finish at 10pm, be asleep at 10.30/11pm and have no issue getting up the next day.

Ours only did school activities, or structured activities Monday to Thursday.

yes id let her.

If she can stay out until 8pm in spring/summer, then she can stay out until 8pm in autumn/winter. She won't be any later to bed, which is the important thing about it being a school night.
Don't teach your daughter to be scared, or she will turn into one of those women who never leave the house. Teach her how to look after herself AND enjoy life with her friends.
Your husband is totally right.

Yes I’d let her get bus home at 8pm.

If I was worried about the walk from bus stop at home end I’d meet her there and walk with her.

That friends on how far bus stop is from home and the area she’s walking through.

Our bus stop is outside the estate about 80m away!

I would. How far is it from the bus to home?

Yes I would let her. Doing free, independent, unstructured activities of your choosing is essential for teenagers I think. 8pm is not late for anyone over 10 IMO.

Just tell her to be aware of her surroundings, don't walk in quiet streets, no headphones, what to do if she's followed etc. Don't stop her, prepare her.

Yes let her go.