Would you let your 15yo do this on a school night?

[Mumof3andtea]

Hi, just wondering if I'm being unreasonable here.

DD is 15, 16 in a few months, and wants to go into town after school with 2 friends today. They are apparently getting something for one of the girls birthdays and then going for something to eat.

I said yes originally as she has done this journey loads of times and knows the area etc. It's not like she's going somewhere I've never heard of. She would get the bus home and normally be back about 8ish.

But I've just realised it's obviously getting dark earlier now and I don't really like the idea of her coming back on the bus after dark on a Monday night. I know 8pm isn't exactly the middle of the night but it still feels different now she's back at school and it's dark by then.

DH thinks I'm being completely ridiculous and says she is 15 not 5 and if anything this is exactly the sort of thing she should be doing by herself. He said if I keep saying no to everything she'll just stop telling us what she's doing.

Which I do understand tbh.

She is generally sensible. She has a phone, knows to message me when she's leaving and I can see roughly where she is anyway. Her friends are all sensible as well, although obviously you never know.

The thing is I don't actually have a problem with her going into town. It's the coming home part I don't like. If it was the weekend and she was with us later I probably wouldn't think twice about it.

I've suggested DH picks her up at 7.30 but apparently that defeats the whole point and she doesn't want to leave before her friends.

Now she's saying I'm embarrassing her and that none of her friends mums are making a fuss about it. Which I'm taking with a pinch of salt obviously.

Would you let a 15 year old do this? Or would you say home before dark on a school night?

I don't want to be one of those parents who treats a nearly 16 year old like she's 10 but equally I don't think I'm unreasonable for worrying about her getting the bus home in the dark.

What would you do?

Of course it's fine.

Compromise and meet her at the bus stop. Or offer to pick them all up and sack off the bus.

In a couple of years she may well be off to uni. You need to help her transition to adulthood now - not all in one go, but in stages. It’s not midnight, it’s 8pm.

I think you need to start letting go. Either agree she can go as long as you have life 360 over phone or order a taxi if you really hate her taking a bus. But give her some responsibility now or she may just go a bit mad with it the minute she is out your sight.

She's 15. Of course I'd let her go!

I'd allow it.

I know I want my teen to be able to move to uni at 18 (if she chooses). I try to keep this in mind. Being out until 8pm, on a bus, with friends seems like an appropriate step when independent living is potentially 2-3 years away.

You are being weird and contradicting yourself. All that will happen is she will (rightly) decide you are batshit and not tell you.

I'd be fine with that

Getting a bus from a town centre in the dark at 8pm is the same as getting one in daytime - there are streetlights and lights inside the bus. If she’d then need to walk along unlit country lanes to reach your house I’d suggest you meet her at the bus stop at your end.

Bloody hell. I was getting the bus home at 10pm at 15!

Blimey. I used to do this at 12 years old. In fact I lived in a small village but went to school in the city. The buses were so crap that I often didn't get home from school until at least 7pm. By 16 I wouldn't have even asked my parents permission to do what your daughter is proposing. Only just to let them know I wouldn't be home for tea and roughly what I was doing. And they were quite old fashioned parents!

I think you probably are the only parent making a fuss about this to be fair. It's 8pm and she's getting the bus not walking home from town in the dark.

Yes I would let her. 8 is still early and she's nearly 16 (for context, I have memories of staying out all night at 16). She's perfectly capable of getting a bus in the dark.

Good grief. It’s ok to land the helicopter once in a while.

I’d let her as it sounds like one-off (friend’s birthday)

Let her go, and one of you can collect her when she's ready at about 8.30-9ish. How will her friends be getting home?

it’s getting dark by the time teenagers get home from school in the depth of winter here, north east Scotland. If darkness prevented folks going out we might as well hibernate in caves for the winter.

What have I read? Of course it’s fine.

DD used to walk home after Guides at 9pm all year and I stopped picking her up from about age 12 tbh. I cannot believe you think this is an issue.

Also if 8pm is ok in June, why not in Sept? After dark is 4pm in Dec - is she not allowed to come home from school then?

Yes I would. What’s the relevance of it being a Monday night?

TBH mine wouldn't have asked permission they would have just told me that's what they were doing after school.

My DD is exactly the same age and yes I would let her. Our bus stop is literally opposite our house but if it was further DH would probably go and meet her at the bus stop.

Getting a bus home at 8pm was not what I was expecting when I read the title of this thread. I thought maybe it was going to be a concert and she'd not be home until after midnight!

I believe your daughter when she says you are the only one making a fuss about this. Listen to your DH and let her go.

8pm is hardly late. Mine used to nip to the corner shop later than that which is just near the bus stop.

When I was 15 I had Saturday jobs and worked the late night Thursday nights (as it was then) my shift finished at 8 and it was an hours bus ride home. No issue at all. Very surprised at your OP

I’ve already said my dd16 works til 9pm then gets home but reading other replies, just thought back to last Saturday where she was at a party. I finished work at midnight and called to see if she wanted a lift at that point but she was about to walk to Asda with her pals so said no. She got in just after 1 and of course I was worried but this time next year she’ll be starting uni so I have to let her spread her wings. Her friends were still out but she wanted home as had just bought a new fluffy dressing gown 😆. They are a lovely bunch all with big plans for the future so while I’d rather she was home I have no qualms about letting her be out having fun with them and making sensible choices about getting home ahead of total freedom next year

Christ alive, are you serious??

I'd be running her a bath and wanting a bit of gossip about how the evening was and what she had to eat and what stuff she and her friends bought.