Would you let your 15yo do this on a school night?

[Mumof3andtea]

Hi, just wondering if I'm being unreasonable here.

DD is 15, 16 in a few months, and wants to go into town after school with 2 friends today. They are apparently getting something for one of the girls birthdays and then going for something to eat.

I said yes originally as she has done this journey loads of times and knows the area etc. It's not like she's going somewhere I've never heard of. She would get the bus home and normally be back about 8ish.

But I've just realised it's obviously getting dark earlier now and I don't really like the idea of her coming back on the bus after dark on a Monday night. I know 8pm isn't exactly the middle of the night but it still feels different now she's back at school and it's dark by then.

DH thinks I'm being completely ridiculous and says she is 15 not 5 and if anything this is exactly the sort of thing she should be doing by herself. He said if I keep saying no to everything she'll just stop telling us what she's doing.

Which I do understand tbh.

She is generally sensible. She has a phone, knows to message me when she's leaving and I can see roughly where she is anyway. Her friends are all sensible as well, although obviously you never know.

The thing is I don't actually have a problem with her going into town. It's the coming home part I don't like. If it was the weekend and she was with us later I probably wouldn't think twice about it.

I've suggested DH picks her up at 7.30 but apparently that defeats the whole point and she doesn't want to leave before her friends.

Now she's saying I'm embarrassing her and that none of her friends mums are making a fuss about it. Which I'm taking with a pinch of salt obviously.

Would you let a 15 year old do this? Or would you say home before dark on a school night?

I don't want to be one of those parents who treats a nearly 16 year old like she's 10 but equally I don't think I'm unreasonable for worrying about her getting the bus home in the dark.

What would you do?

She's 15. It's normal. She has a phone, yes?

Yes this. A number of PPs are saying "well it's not really dark" – I mean it isn't at 8pm tbh. But even if it was – is she normally allowed out until 8pm? like in the summer? I would hope so at 15yo. So it's fine if it's dark.

Yes as long as bike lights are used, to take a good example from @Natsku or whatever else you need to do to take account of the dark (not wander across the road without looking while dressed in black) then it's fine. The dark is not in and of itself a reason to be afraid, a reason to curtail otherwise normal behaviour. It worries me that some people seem to think it is.

I live in Finland so if I let darkness determine the curfew my children would be out until 1am in summer and wouldn't be able to go to school in winter! Reflectors are a must in the dark here though, DS's entire backpack is reflective so he really stands out to traffic and my teenager will use clip on reflectors on her bag and coat. Most adults do too, which sets a good example.

I didn’t know this, we always got asked for ID and there were sometimes scanners so we couldn’t use fake IDs but we would borrow an ID from girls in year 13.

She could literally move out and have a baby at 16. Let her go. DH can pick her up at 8 if anything?

Move out to where? The rental market has changed a lot since we were young? The minimum age for a rental contract is 18 in the UK.

wtf - let her go obviously

I think this post is a sad reflection on todays society. At 11 I was travelling to a high school in the next town. Coming home was by bus, a train, a walk through town and a churchyard and another bus. I mostly got home. about 5.30 to 6pm. In the dark for many months. My parents didnt worry because sadly society was a lot different then. Just make sure she has a phone , in our day it coppers for the box, knows to keep her wits about her and let her get on with it.

Let her go, she’s plenty old enough and should be doing things like this to build her confidence and independence