Would you let your 15yo do this on a school night?

[Mumof3andtea]

Hi, just wondering if I'm being unreasonable here.

DD is 15, 16 in a few months, and wants to go into town after school with 2 friends today. They are apparently getting something for one of the girls birthdays and then going for something to eat.

I said yes originally as she has done this journey loads of times and knows the area etc. It's not like she's going somewhere I've never heard of. She would get the bus home and normally be back about 8ish.

But I've just realised it's obviously getting dark earlier now and I don't really like the idea of her coming back on the bus after dark on a Monday night. I know 8pm isn't exactly the middle of the night but it still feels different now she's back at school and it's dark by then.

DH thinks I'm being completely ridiculous and says she is 15 not 5 and if anything this is exactly the sort of thing she should be doing by herself. He said if I keep saying no to everything she'll just stop telling us what she's doing.

Which I do understand tbh.

She is generally sensible. She has a phone, knows to message me when she's leaving and I can see roughly where she is anyway. Her friends are all sensible as well, although obviously you never know.

The thing is I don't actually have a problem with her going into town. It's the coming home part I don't like. If it was the weekend and she was with us later I probably wouldn't think twice about it.

I've suggested DH picks her up at 7.30 but apparently that defeats the whole point and she doesn't want to leave before her friends.

Now she's saying I'm embarrassing her and that none of her friends mums are making a fuss about it. Which I'm taking with a pinch of salt obviously.

Would you let a 15 year old do this? Or would you say home before dark on a school night?

I don't want to be one of those parents who treats a nearly 16 year old like she's 10 but equally I don't think I'm unreasonable for worrying about her getting the bus home in the dark.

What would you do?

It's dark in the morning too so how would she get to school in the first place?

You are being ridiculous. My dd14 goes into town on the train at least one day after school. In two months it’s going to be dark by 4.30/5pm so being dark isn’t really a good enough reason.

At 15/16 and coming home for 8pm you’re being ridiculous.

Yes of course, she will probably be going out more and more over the next few years (cinema, friends houses, parties etc) so it's a good time to start building up to the later times. I always had the rule that they text when they are leaving wherever they are so I know what time to expect them / when to start panicking. My dd is at Uni now and I still have her text me to let me know she is home safe if I know she is going out to a club or party and will be winging her way home at 3 a.m. She humours me 😂

My 2 daughters were getting themselves home from school - 2 buses, and via the town centre - in the dark, from age 11

I’d forgotten about guides and the 9pm finish. I wasn’t able to pick up from around age 12 so dc walked home. It gets dark at 4 in winter where we are

Wow, I wouldn't even have asked at that age- I regularly picked up my brother from the Year 7 class at 3:45 then text my Mum to say we were in town and would get the bus back.

I was 15 only about 10 years ago and I can’t believe how much parenting has changed.
Is it not normally to be going out to pubs/clubs at 16 anymore? I was allowed out until 8pm from around the age of 13 and so were all my friends. I understand not making it a regular thing on a school night though.

I think it's crazy that an almost 16 year old is having to ask if she's allowed to go into town with friends, when she'll be home by 8.
Do you live in a very unsafe area.

Christ I was getting the train to and from Manchester and Liverpool younger than this to see my friends? If you don’t let her, she will start doing it without asking. Download the hollieguard app on her phone, tell her to check in when leaving and if anything goes wrong. If you’re that worried, get the girls an uber

It’s still light where I am (Scotland) at 8pm so yes I’d allow this at 15/16. Actually at this age you’ll probably need to think about it for when it’s dark also. With the appropriate precautions of course

Absolutely fine

Let her go.
Meet her at the bus stop when she gets off.

I assume she's in her last year of school, moving to college or something similar next year... You need to give her some freedom, she sounds sensible and honest. This may change if you carry on restricting her. Can she not be picked up at 8, why before her friends?

If she's getting home by 8 then you're being unreasonable saying no after initially saying she could. It's not like she's leaving town late and rolling in past midnight. She's going shopping and for food and telling you she'll be home at a more than reasonable time for her age. I can imagine she has a phone and can call you if she needs to. When my son goes out he always takes his phone and leaves his mobile data on and he's added himself to my life 360 family circle so that I know he's safe. He's a sensible lad and I could probably trust him to not have to use it still but he chooses to leave it on

You're being ridiculous.

Blimey, until now I thought the stories about young adults being unable to carry out simple tasks like make a phone call or book a dentist appointment was made up daily mail rubbish but if half the teenagers in are being treated like small children then maybe not

Is she sensible? She has a phone? Has she been to town before?

I think at 15 nearly 16 years old you need to give her some freedom. Sorry but you don’t wanna be ‘that’ mum but you kinda are being ‘that’ mum 🙈🤣 and I say that with love.

I currently have a daughter who is 15 she’s 16 in October and she’s been allowed to do this since about 14, BUT She got the public bus to and from school into town which is 45mins away 5 days a week from age of 11/12 occasionally staying in town for a maccies with friends and then getting a later bus home so it wasn’t such a huge leap for me. Also she’s not my eldest I’ve a 19yr old son and 17yr daughter so I kinda use to these little leaps which made it easier.

You should let her, but stress it’s based on trust and the privilege can be taken away. Good luck. You will feel like your heart is somewhere else and worry but it does get easier.

Also wait till there are ‘gatherings’ and little house parties at their friends…..that’s when things get interesting 🙈. If you restrict these little milestones that is normal at her age when things like these gatherings occur she may be hesitate to be upfront and honest about them with you because y11, is the year I found they start occurring 🙈. Was like that when I was at your daughters age, and same with my eldest two.

What’s the area like and will she be with friends until she gets on the bus. I’d be hesitant to let my 14 year old do this as we do get a fair bit of anti social behaviour in the town centre of an evening, but would probably allow it if he wasn’t walking alone.

I won't tell OP that at 16 my DD was cycling home on her own at 8pm from her evening job.

Other than a nebulous "it's dark" - what exactly are you worried about? She knows the area and the bus journey' she's with friends; it's not particularly late ...

Pubs and clubs have strict ID checks now - 16/17 year olds are typically not going to them any more.

I don't think parenting has changed that much, as this thread suggests most people think OP is being over cautious.

Yes I’d allow this and do with mine

Granted a few years ago now but when I was 16 in college I worked until 8pm and had to get 2 buses home if my friends couldn’t drive me. My mum flat out refused and said it was my job it’s my responsibility to get home and back.

in winter it’s dark before 5.

Good grief she is 15, with friends and has a phone - let her go! she is right you are embarrassing her!! of course things can happen- but she has to be allowed to take some calculated risk!