Son leaving secondary school without friends and I am heartbroken

SwimmingInSilence · 2026-04-30T15:58:13+00:00

Last day in high school for my DS today. 5 years in the same school and he leaves with not a single friend, no invitations to leavers parties, no plans for prom. His shirt has been dutifully signed by some teachers and a few of the quiet kids. I have been crying all afternoon and wondering how it's all come to this and what the future holds for him. He's changing school for 6th form and knows a few of the people there already but I am so worried that the same will happen there too.

Miranda65 · 30/04/2026 16:59

But does it bother him, or is he quite happy just doing his own thing?

Lindy2 · 30/04/2026 17:01

I'd be celebrating him leaving such an unfriendly school.

He can do his exams and then move on for a fresh start at a new 6th form. Hopefully he will find some people to be friends with there.

Don't show him you're upset. That's not going to help. Perhaps organise a celebratory meal yourselves to mark the occasion.

BluebellCrocus · 30/04/2026 17:04

Maybe he'll make friends in the new sixth form. Does he go to any clubs?

Original poster

SwimmingInSilence · 30/04/2026 17:04

Yes, it does bother him and he has asked me what is wrong with him and why don't people like him. I try to tell him not to worry and that sixth form will be a new start but I worry so much. He's very normal and has friends outside of school so I don't understand why he is so unpopular at school.

OP posts:

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 30/04/2026 17:04

I understand, OP. I would be concerned as well.

Do you have any understanding of why he has no friends? Has he always struggled to make friends or did he have friends and somehow lose them?

keepswimming38 · 30/04/2026 17:06

My daughter was like this then found her people at art school. She’s never looked back. He too will find his tribe. College is often better than school for that.

SnappyQuoter · 30/04/2026 17:07

It’s unusual to have no friends in school by that age, because people do normally find their tribe through similar subjects and clubs at that point. It’s going to sound hard no matter how I say it but… if he hasn’t been able to connect with anyone at all, then I don’t think the issue is all the other kids. There will always be kids you can’t get along with, and kids who are mean etc but by the later years, there is less of that and they’ve usually found a few folk they get on with. When he asks “what’s wrong with him” do you ever actually try to look into how he behaves at school, how he talks to people. Is he very very quiet?

GumballsAndGobstoppers · 30/04/2026 17:07

Why did he stay there? Was it like that all the way through? Was he enjoying some of it?

Sixth form might be totally different.

HelloItsMeYourRobotVaccuum · 30/04/2026 17:08

Don’t cry, he just hasn’t found his tribe yet and this is a brand new start for him an hopefully things will improve from here. Don’t show you’re upset, don’t even mention this to him as he is likely painfully aware and upset by it too so just pretend it’s nothing to even remark upon and take him for a nice meal or something with the family to celebrate.

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 30/04/2026 17:13

SwimmingInSilence · 30/04/2026 17:04

Yes, it does bother him and he has asked me what is wrong with him and why don't people like him. I try to tell him not to worry and that sixth form will be a new start but I worry so much. He's very normal and has friends outside of school so I don't understand why he is so unpopular at school.

That is unusual, if that's the case. How were things for him in primary? Usually someone who cannot make friends at all finds the situation is the same throughout life, whether it's primary or high school or the workplace. Very odd to have friends outside of school but absolutely none in it. Maybe he's just been really unlucky and no-one at school is his type.

I hope he finds sixth form easier. Sometimes the kids who are the slightly nerdy and unpopular or just quiet find they blossom later in life. Often at uni, or just in adulthood.

user2848502016 · 30/04/2026 17:15

I would encourage him to think positively about starting 6th form and having a fresh start there, hopefully he will “find his tribe”.
The fact that he has friends outside school would suggest there’s nothing wrong with him at all, it’s just that he hasn’t found a group he clicks with at school

Pancakeflipper · 30/04/2026 17:15

I understand (but the reason with my DS is that he has some dIsabilitues and is autistic and ADHD).

Its heartbreaking to see your funny, articulate, kind child ignored by their peers, or worse used by peers for their own amusement. Mine didnt go to his prom. I arranged for us to go away instead for the weekend.

My DS takes refuge in his hobbies. Hes in 6th form now, the friendships at school haven't happened but he's got a few friends through his hobbies.

I keep hoping he will meet his tribe..

Esperanza25 · 30/04/2026 17:19

I really feel for you OP, but from personal experience with one of my children, do not give up hope - this can and most likely will change. It’s great that your son is moving for 6th form - this will be a fresh start with new people. If he has friends outside of school this shows that people do like him. Try not to show him that you’re upset and I agree with pp - go out as a family to celebrate getting out of such an unfriendly school.
I’ve worked in a high school and can tell you that forms can be very different and some forms are simply unfriendly and the students just don’t gel particularly well. Maybe this was a factor.
Anyway, both you and he need to look forward now, though I completely understand how you are feeling.

PawMaw · 30/04/2026 17:20

SwimmingInSilence · 30/04/2026 17:04

Yes, it does bother him and he has asked me what is wrong with him and why don't people like him. I try to tell him not to worry and that sixth form will be a new start but I worry so much. He's very normal and has friends outside of school so I don't understand why he is so unpopular at school.

I completely empathise, my son has just finished 6th year in the same position. Isn't going to prom, came home early from the leavers celebrations with no signatures, didn't go to any after parties.

I tried to not show my heartbreak. He does have an amazing friendship group outwith school which I suppose is better than just being friends with people because you see them in class everyday!

clearlyy · 30/04/2026 17:24

I had no friends in school. Shirt had 3 signatures, the “popular boy” looked at me and said “why would I want THAT at my after party?” After prom. One of the “nerdy” boys kindly got me a taxi home. I was devastated.

anyway I’m 30 now with a fantastic group of friends and many other pals. I was miserable in school and did not have a good time thanks to bullying.

please don’t worry. School literally means nothing. Time for a fresh start and to meet people who are more like him. I met my friends at 15 hanging around town. We’re still friends now! I just wanna also add that I have AuDHD and was a very “weird” kid, at least to other kids. There’s not one person in my friend group that isn’t ND, it’s just a case of finding his people and he will!

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 30/04/2026 17:26

He just hasn’t found his tribe yet. It just takes some people (like me) a little longer than others.

RustysQuilt · 30/04/2026 17:26

SwimmingInSilence · 30/04/2026 17:04

Yes, it does bother him and he has asked me what is wrong with him and why don't people like him. I try to tell him not to worry and that sixth form will be a new start but I worry so much. He's very normal and has friends outside of school so I don't understand why he is so unpopular at school.

Gosh, I think you're supporting him really well.
Reassure him nothing is wrong with him. He needs to hear this. Kids can take against kids for no reason.

Papercompany · 30/04/2026 17:30

I think 'crying all afternoon' is a massive overreaction. If he is 'normal and has friends outside school ' then he'll be fine. Be delighted that he's leaving!

Ilovelurchers · 30/04/2026 17:31

Bless you, that must be so hard!

I too had no friends at school till sixth form - made a few then. I always had a few friends outside school too, one of whom I am still close to. I'm not hugely outgoing but I would say I have a normal amount of friends now. I honestly don't think it was me, it was them!

I went to a private school and my family are probably quite "working class" culturally (I don't mean to stereotype offensively about anyone by the way - I know class is a construct and doesn't define us). . But we had less money, dressed differently, different holidays, different interests largely.

Could something like that be going on here?

Anyway, it's over now, and he is about to have a fresh start! And he has friends outside school - that's so important.

Be proud of your lovely son for the resilience he has shown getting through things - and I am sure things will change for the better! It's a great thing that he is changing school for 6th form.

Original poster

SwimmingInSilence · 30/04/2026 17:33

I try not to show him I'm upset. He's really into skateboarding and has friends from that outside of school, there are some boys from his school that go skateboarding and know some of the same kids and often hang around with them but never ask my son along. I don't know if some of it is the fact that it's a private school and we're not wealthy, DS is a there on a scholarship. The new sixth form is a state school but not sure if that might change anything.

OP posts:

csandsickofit · 30/04/2026 17:36

By the time I was 20 I had no contact with any school friends, I had made friends from work, sport and college. It really isn’t the end of the world!

Cherrycola4 · 30/04/2026 17:39

This happened to my lovely girl. She’s at sixth form now and has made friends xx

Original poster

SwimmingInSilence · 30/04/2026 17:41

Ilovelurchers · 30/04/2026 17:31

Bless you, that must be so hard!

I too had no friends at school till sixth form - made a few then. I always had a few friends outside school too, one of whom I am still close to. I'm not hugely outgoing but I would say I have a normal amount of friends now. I honestly don't think it was me, it was them!

I went to a private school and my family are probably quite "working class" culturally (I don't mean to stereotype offensively about anyone by the way - I know class is a construct and doesn't define us). . But we had less money, dressed differently, different holidays, different interests largely.

Could something like that be going on here?

Anyway, it's over now, and he is about to have a fresh start! And he has friends outside school - that's so important.

Be proud of your lovely son for the resilience he has shown getting through things - and I am sure things will change for the better! It's a great thing that he is changing school for 6th form.

Cross post, yes it's a private school and we're not wealthy.

OP posts:

MissyB1 · 30/04/2026 17:43

SwimmingInSilence · 30/04/2026 17:33

I try not to show him I'm upset. He's really into skateboarding and has friends from that outside of school, there are some boys from his school that go skateboarding and know some of the same kids and often hang around with them but never ask my son along. I don't know if some of it is the fact that it's a private school and we're not wealthy, DS is a there on a scholarship. The new sixth form is a state school but not sure if that might change anything.

I doubt it’s anything to do with your family income, any school year group can be cliquey. Don’t worry too much it could all change at his new 6th form, a new boy joined my ds year group for year 12 (he had left his previous school due to bullying and having no friends). Ds buddied up with him and now they are now good friends and ds invited him to join the football club he’s at so the lad has made more friends there too. A fresh start can make all the difference.

AnnieLummox · 30/04/2026 17:44

A fresh start in sixth form could be a real positive for him. It’s been a very long time since I was at school, but my memory of it is that kids tend to pigeonhole one another. There were a few exceptions in my school where people changed and got more confident as they got older, developed new friendship groups etc., but in the main, everyone kind of carried on viewing one another they way they always had. I’d changed immeasurably between 13 and 16 - probably even 15 and 16 - but when you’re at school, someone can still bring up “OMG, do you remember the stupid thing X did in Year 9?!” and make you feel small again.

I moved to college at 16 and it was the best move I could have made. I’m not saying I suddenly became Miss Popular, but the vast majority of people weren’t seeing me as a kid - and anyone who didn’t befriend 16 year-old Annie either just didn’t take to me (or vice versa) or wasn’t someone I had much in common with. The main point is, they weren’t basing it on who I was aged 11 or 12.

There may still be people who don’t gel with your son. And that’s okay. But there will be plenty of others who are much more open to a friendship, simply because there isn’t any hangover from him being “the kid with no friends” or any other high school label.