Son leaving secondary school without friends and I am heartbroken

[SwimmingInSilence]

Last day in high school for my DS today. 5 years in the same school and he leaves with not a single friend, no invitations to leavers parties, no plans for prom. His shirt has been dutifully signed by some teachers and a few of the quiet kids. I have been crying all afternoon and wondering how it's all come to this and what the future holds for him. He's changing school for 6th form and knows a few of the people there already but I am so worried that the same will happen there too.

My niece was the same but made good friends at a different school in 6th form and seems contented at university and has a boyfriend. My sister barely sees her! Sometimes it is the context. I mean we've all had jobs like that, right?

Because all the other schools where we live are full. He was on a waiting list to one but a place there only became available in year 10 and we listened to everyone who told us that it was too late to move then as they'd already started their GCSEs and others who told us that friendship groups change a lot in years 10 and 11. We now know better and I regret that decision, if it happened again I would move him without hesitation, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I think that is part of it as I feel guilty for making poor decisions on his behalf.

Kids who are classed as different or weird for not conforming in school are often the sort who find good friend afterwards at sixth form or college. So that cluld well happen to your ds.

It is hard though, I struggle eveywhere I go, but have ended up as an adult with a fair few friends. I made none that I kept in touch with in my 3rd year of uni though and was often very quite in lectures. People at work now also think I'm quiet (until they get to know me) because I stuggle in group situations. Maybe your son is better one on one?

I had no friends at secondary school. It may or not be the case that he'll "find his tribe". I never did, not at a separate sixth form, and three unis or various workplaces. I just don't gel with people that way. But not everyone needs it and in ny 40s I'm happy with the companionship of my DH and dcs, and don't need friends. There's a lot of drama and hassle I friendships and for some people it's better to enjoy their own company and be confident with that.

I'm sorry that happened to you too, it is such a painful experience to go through. I was hopeful college would be a fresh start and he would find his "tribe" but that hasn't happened yet. He is so painfully shy he won't even catch a bus as it would mean speaking to the driver, so when he says he has Social Anxiety, he really has.

Bless him. Life can be so hard when you’re young and friendships are important. Just one friend can make all the difference.

Would he ever be interested in joining a drama club? I’m always amazed at how many people join them to help with their social anxiety or extreme shyness, as it seems the opposite to me. Harrison Ford and Andrew Scott apparently being two examples. Andrew Scott’s experience might be inspirational for any youngster suffering from shyness or anxiety.