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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 year old and £2500 gaming charges

111 replies

squaresausage · 13/02/2019 00:54

I’m in shock. It has came to light my son has racked up £2500 on fortnite and other games on both the Xbox and Nintendo switch. He has stolen my husbands bank details to do this. In addition he has set up a paypal account which he has been transferring money to spend on these games over a period of time, starting in October and ramping up through January and February. He is distraught and described it as a horrible addiction. My husband does not check his bank statements in any detail and only realised he couldn’t purchase cinema tickets today as his bank account is empty. I’m at a loss how to handle this in the most effective way. He has been undergoing CBT for OCD and is in all other ways a hard working and pleasant boy. Involving the police would involve a criminal record at his age. He has promised to pay it back, but I can’t see how he can. Has anybody had a similar experience?

OP posts:
Original poster
squaresausage · 13/02/2019 01:14

The PayPal account has a totally false address on it and I can’t see how the bank would authorise this. I feel like a total failure as a parent and realise I have very little chance of recouping the money without involving the police, which I’m sure the bank would insist on if they were to pursue this with PayPal.

OP posts:
CameliaCamelia · 13/02/2019 01:19

Speak to PlayStation. They may refund some charges. You'll have to tell them you had no idea though and admit your son stole from you

Original poster
squaresausage · 13/02/2019 01:23

Thanks for replying. It’s mostly Microsoft and Nintendo. We will contact them tomorrow. Do you think they will insist on a crime number? It’s an obscene amount of money.

OP posts:
MooseBeTimeForSnow · 13/02/2019 01:33

I’d be selling the console as a starter.

Interceptor999 · 13/02/2019 01:36

Parent him instead of letting him play non stop on these games! What were you doing when he was on the X box all that time?

theworldistoosmall · 13/02/2019 01:41

A valuable lesson to check bank accounts.

artisanscotcheggs · 13/02/2019 01:49

WOW. This is your own fault for not paying proper attention. Who the fuck doesn't check their bank accounts!?

If your husband doesn't check them, why weren't you? Take away the consoles and sell them, for STARTERS. Then you need to be reading your son the riot act and yourselves for being so bloody careless.

artisanscotcheggs · 13/02/2019 01:52

Also why should the companies refund money because someone's son wasn't being properly monitored?

Harmonyrays · 13/02/2019 02:10

This must be a massive shock for you. I cant believe how unkind some posters are being. Children play on devices! There is nothing to indicate the child has been on it 24/7.

I would contact Microsoft. You arent the first and wo t be the last parent in tgis position.

You son sounds remorseful, i wouldnt involve the police but make a plan as to how he can repay the money over a long period of time. I would also talk to his therapist, this is likely to increase his anxiety or may well be a part of it (compulsion)

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 13/02/2019 02:25

I don’t agree with some posters here, I don’t check my bank balance often, why would you if you know there’s money available? But yes he does have to see a loss from his actions, sell his consoles and smart phone. Make him come with you when you do so. Also any treats or days out should be cancelled and he should know you can’t afford them because of his actions. Hopefully Microsoft and Nintendo can help but I don’t know your chances there. He should also be doing a lot of housework and chores to earn back the spent money. Make a card and stick it on the fridge with an iou amount and reduce it when he does something positive

artisanscotcheggs · 13/02/2019 04:51

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blackcat86 · 13/02/2019 04:59

He's only remorseful now because he's been caught. If there had been more money in the account (and so your DH wouldn't have noticed yet) he would have kept doing it. How old is DS? Don't be fooled by the crocodile tears. He knew exactly what he was doing and has gone to great lengths to do it. He needs a cold hard shock and to pay the money back. Could you ask if a local PCSO could come out to speak to him. You don't need to press charges but he needs to really, truly understand how much trouble he would be in. Your husband needs to ask for a new debit card from the bank with a new number. He can always say he lost the old one. Your son needs to cancel the PayPal account and his playstation account immediately. He needs an electronics ban and the devices sold, and then chores, a suitable job (car washing, dog walking etc) to make back the money. I'm sorry this has happened to you.

DSS racked up £300+ of data charges on his phone playing games. DH wouldn't take the phone as DSS's mum kicked off but he did cancel any data and made a big fuss of having blander meals and no fun stuff for a while.

Seniorschoolmum · 13/02/2019 05:13

He’s 13. They have boundless energy at that age. He needs something to do.

You could tell him to wash your cars every Saturday morning. £10 per car wash until he’s paid off the difference between selling his consoles and £2500.
Enroll him in a sports club, or a shooting school if you are rural. Martial arts? Orienteering? It doesn’t need to be expensive. Try to find a coding club if he’s that keen on computers.
Like others have said, he needs to be organised, not left to his own devices. And stick at it, don’t give up after two weeks.

I wouldn’t call the police either but explain that you will if he does it again.

I hope it works out.

FlyingMonkeys · 13/02/2019 05:21

Have you got money to live off until payday? Will your DDs bounce?

sashh · 13/02/2019 05:23

First of all take a few deep breaths, this is bad and an expensive mistake but it could be much worse. He has 'only' been playing games.

I think you should consider involving the police, it doesn't mean it will go to court but it does mean your son will see this is serious.

Make a spreadsheet with things he can do to earn money, and bear in mind this is going to take years so he can start thinking about a part time job now.

There are some things he can do now. Does he know how to wash a car properly? He can ask your neighbours if he can wash cars or do some odd jobs.

And charge him interest.

Any birthday money or christmas money he gets to keep half, the other half goes to pay his debt.

Overstory · 13/02/2019 05:31

Sadly I don't think you'll get much luck from the companies involved. You do hear of refunds but that's more the '4 year old clicked buy more gold' scenario than '13 year old stole bank card and set up PayPal with fake address' scenario. That is straight up theft, you wouldn't get any refunds without a crime number at least.

The advice above is good, and at least he got found out before it was much worse!

snitzelvoncrumb · 13/02/2019 05:43

He can pay it back if you make him, definitely sell the console. The best punishment is making him work it all off, and don't feel you have to pay well. Just think of all the cleaning you won't have to do. Kids do stupid things, making him take responsibility for his actions will teach him a life lesson.

junebirthdaygirl · 13/02/2019 05:50

I thought you didn't get a police record unless you were 16. I would have the police come and question him but not pursue charges so he gets an almighty fright. Then absolutely no games/ online/ phone etc. Sell everything and of course ye take the money. Get a notebook where he records paying ye back so no pocket money, phone credit etc as its all written down and taken off the debt.
And yes to new activities. As l don't ever check my banking l have sympathy. Remember a lot of us were around in the no checking days and survived by just spending the same every month and knowing we could afford that.
Fortnite has a lot to answer for. Hopefully this will be a turning point in his life.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/02/2019 06:13

Your ds is over the age of criminality and knew what he was doing. I don’t think you should contact the company. That sets a dangerous precedent for your son. He may be tempted to do it again if he thinks you can recoup some of the debt. You want to do everything you can to get this gaming / gambling with your money under control, not minimise it, which ultimately getting a refund would do. Sorry I know that’s painful for you financially.

I agree with lots of physical activities and clubs, paying the debt off slowly, regular chores, halving his pocket money, retaining half of any monetary gifts etc. And yes, he’s only contrite as he’s been caught.

Poor you. Flowers. Hopefully this will be the making of your son.

CantStopMeNow · 13/02/2019 06:15

He's a thief. Simple as that.
He's NOT sorry for what he's done - he would have carried on if the money hadn't run out.

He's also a liar and trying to abdicate personal responsibility by claiming he's 'addicted'........cos surely you would have at least been monitoring/limiting his game-time and would have noticed if he was 'addicted'?
Or do you let him have unfettered access 'because he has OCD'?

I'd be selling his consoles and games for a start...then make him do chores so he can learn what personal responsibility means and as a way of 'paying back'
I'd also never buy him a console again - unless you all want to enable his 'addiction'?

Original poster
squaresausage · 13/02/2019 06:27

Thank you for the replies. Even the brutal ones. Yes, he did have a lot of freedom in playing the Xbox and everything has now been removed from his bedroom, as has the Nintendo switch. The agreement was that all schoolwork was to be done to a high standard and he could spend his free time as he wishes.

I agree that I have little chance of getting the money back, and I don’t expect to. I feel extremely let down that my husband did not pick it up sooner. My own details had been linked to the Microsoft account and I do check my bank account regularly so I notice everything. My son had actually used my husbands card on his Nintendo switch, sometime in October and transferred the details from there, and it has escalated since. This is my husbands personal account and I never check this. We both pay into a joint account for household finances.

I agree this is very serious matter and it now raises huge questions about how he is allowed to spend his free time. He has a CBT meeting in Monday and I fully expect this issue will be explored. Who knows if it’s a compulsion? He clearly knows the difference between right and wrong. I am seriously considering contacting the police. I am in Scotland. The age of criminal responsibility is 8 and a child over 12 can be prosecuted. Whilst I don’t necessarily want him to be prosecuted he must understand the gravity of the situation.

I also feel a huge amount of shame. I know I won’t be able to discuss this with my family who have worked tooth and nail for every penny, as do my husband and I. I think my mum would have a heart attack if she found out. So thanks for the responses. I’ve been on Mumsnet for 13 years, read it every day but have only posted in the early days so I appreciate all the responses.

OP posts:
CantStopMeNow · 13/02/2019 06:28

I don’t check my bank balance often, why would you if you know there’s money available?
Hmmm....because of bills, budgeting and just plain old making sure there's been no illegal/unauth activity on your account?
This has been going on for 5 months....so there's no excuse for never once checking your statements/balance in that time.

ImNotYourToy · 13/02/2019 06:30

First thing first, you need to take away that poxy, stupid, ridiculous gaming console, sell it to off set the debt and tell him (if he gets pocket money), that he will be paying the rest off out of that!

These children really do think they're entitled. That's why at that age, it is not a good idea to be sitting on a gaming console.

He is not that hardworking and pleasant if he stole your husband's bank card... at his age, he should know better.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 13/02/2019 06:37

What would concern me most is the level of sustained planning and deceit that is involved here. As a PP said, it's not that he had "in app purchases" enabled and ran up a debt without really registering. He knew exactly what he was doing and would have continued if you had not found out. The remorse is because he has been found out and is scared of the consequences, not because he is sorry for what he has done.

The question of whether or not to involve the police is a tricky one actually - again, the setting up of the fake Paypal account is not just a mistake but calculated fraud, and I would worry that if he doesn't get the message loud and clear about consequences at this age, he (and you) are in for a rocky time ahead.

I think selling his consoles, games and smartphone is a given for a start, and getting him to work out how he is going to repay you, whether that is through having no pocket money until the debt is paid, or doing chores or whatever. The following through on the selling of the equipment may be a serious enough wake-up call in its own right.

punishmepunisher · 13/02/2019 06:41

First thing to do is sell the Xbox and switch to start paying off the £2500. No discussion.