13 year old and £2500 gaming charges

[squaresausage]

I’m in shock. It has came to light my son has racked up £2500 on fortnite and other games on both the Xbox and Nintendo switch. He has stolen my husbands bank details to do this. In addition he has set up a paypal account which he has been transferring money to spend on these games over a period of time, starting in October and ramping up through January and February. He is distraught and described it as a horrible addiction. My husband does not check his bank statements in any detail and only realised he couldn’t purchase cinema tickets today as his bank account is empty. I’m at a loss how to handle this in the most effective way. He has been undergoing CBT for OCD and is in all other ways a hard working and pleasant boy. Involving the police would involve a criminal record at his age. He has promised to pay it back, but I can’t see how he can. Has anybody had a similar experience?

The tech companies are evil and trying to get your money, no matter how.

Yes, the tech companies are to blame. If you don't see that, you are really not seeing the big picture.

Do you think kids in the 80's gave money to gaming companies? No.
Why are they doing it now? Have parenting policies changed: no!

It's the tech companies creating addicted kids, and parents who give them access to I-tunes and in-app buy-ins.

You're insane if you don't blame the tech companies. They are creating addicted kids.

Wow this is scary and shocking.

Such a tough thing for you OP.

It might interest you to know that the top execs at the top tech companies send their kids to schools where tech is banned.

Look it up.

I know it's hard. Your kids claim (on fortnite) they are socialising... in many ways it's true. I don't know what's harder: boys or girls. My issue is Instagram and self harm issues. My friends with boys, it's Fortnite. It's a tough journey.

It's entirely parents' choice to have games in the house.

I work in the tech industry, and have done for thirty years. Like many of my contemporaries, we don't have computer games around, for ourselves or our children: they're intellectually, morally and aesthetically vacuous, and no-one has ever had their life negatively impacted by not playing Grand Rape of Duty, or whatever it is. If you believe, as clearly many people on this thread, that games companies are using immortal techniques to extract money from children - I am inclined to agree - then the answer is the same as smoking: don't buy their products for your children.

Since the main problem I saw when my children were younger was parents who bought Grand Rape Night Craft for small children, and then giggled that there was nothing they could do about it, I have pretty limited sympathy when it goes wrong. Don't want your kids stealing two grand to spend on shitty games? Don't buy them shitty games.

My DS at the same age could have done a lot worse, if he wanted to.

My card is linked to the account and he actually knows the password.

He's always asked me before using any money (even as little as 5 euros) and I've fully trusted him so far.
In the same way that he doesn't take money from my wallet or takes anything from home.

So, no, I don't think it's your husband's fault for not checking or whatever. Or the tech company.

Your son is to blame. Although, trust has to be gained, and that is why I am relaxed about my son.

I'd sell all of his gaming, etc. Not sure what he bought, but I think some of the gaming stuff can be resold online. Look into that.

Apart from that, does he have a savings account, does he get a weekly allowance? I'd take as much as possible from those and I'd deduct the money from his Christmas and birthday presents from then on. I'd inform the family to only give cash presents and why. No birthday parties other than cake with family.

And I'd give him household chores to compensate for the money lost, from washing the car to ironing.

Reflectant

I think it's fine not to have video games in the house if you don't want them but plenty of parents are able to allow there kids to play on them without any problems. I didn't let my kids have certain games in the house but there are hundreds and hundreds of games out there that are perfectly ok. It's also not difficult (at least with most kids) to have rules about how they game. My kids always did, just as they did with other things. I established gaming rules right from when they were very young. If anything gaming improved their behaviour as they were always keen to maintain their 'computer privileges'
My kids have always done other things apart from gaming and I was never worried about it taking over their lives. Some people seem to assume once exposed to gaming that kids can't possible ever enjoy anything else - that's obviously a load of rubbish.
If anything, the only thing I ever underestimated about the effect of gaming is the amount of fun we've all had over the years. It's something that bonds my kids (and I) together even now they are adults. The kids may live in different cities but they regularly get together 'online' for gaming. It's a brilliant way for them to hang out with each other.

The OP messed up but none of us are perfect. I hope everything works out for her and her lad.

I'm sorry, but your son at 13 is old enough to know not to steal, and that's what he did, he stole from you and your DH, not a small amount of money either. My dds are a similar age and they know what they're doing, they also know that if they buy any thing from the micro soft store without my permission that'll be the end of their gaming privileges. I get an email every time a purchase is made so would know.

Your son even went to the trouble of setting up a PayPal account behind your back! That isn't just a kid changing his luck, buying a game and hoping mum and dad won't notice, he really gave this some thought.

Sell his consoles, take away any phone or tablet he has and sell them too, he doesn't deserve them. Get him one of those cheap phones you get free when you buy £10 of credit or whatever if you're worried about him not having anything when out and about. Then he can do chores, wash the car etc every week for as long as it takes to pay off. No pocket money, treats, trips out with friends that you have to finance.

It may seem harsh, but what he's done to you is awful. I would be devestated that a child of my could go behind my back in that way, lie and cheat me out of all that money and leave the family in precarious financial position. Especially when they are old enough to know better.

Apologies if this has been mentioned but I would recommend you ask the bank to do chargebacks. My friends son recently used her cards from her purse but because it's not a face to face transaction she got all her money back.

I see this all the time at work as the charges can also be billed to mobile phone bills. Parents get phone bills with charges on to microsoft, itunes etc and have no idea how and think its the mobile provider. Its games etc from playstations, xboxes etc. Please be aware they can also do this, not just ccards etc.

I’ve had this with my son most was£350, I made him pay every penny back his console was taken off him and he was grounded, all cards were removed from the account, if he wanted to buy anything it was from birthdays or Christmas money and with ps4 cards

This can be prevented from ever happening by simply not having any form of payment registered to the PlayStation account !