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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 year old and £2500 gaming charges

111 replies

squaresausage · 13/02/2019 00:54

I’m in shock. It has came to light my son has racked up £2500 on fortnite and other games on both the Xbox and Nintendo switch. He has stolen my husbands bank details to do this. In addition he has set up a paypal account which he has been transferring money to spend on these games over a period of time, starting in October and ramping up through January and February. He is distraught and described it as a horrible addiction. My husband does not check his bank statements in any detail and only realised he couldn’t purchase cinema tickets today as his bank account is empty. I’m at a loss how to handle this in the most effective way. He has been undergoing CBT for OCD and is in all other ways a hard working and pleasant boy. Involving the police would involve a criminal record at his age. He has promised to pay it back, but I can’t see how he can. Has anybody had a similar experience?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 13/02/2019 13:19

So your ds was intending on spending a lot more money prior to being caught. Good on you for getting ultra tough.

theworldistoosmall · 13/02/2019 13:59

Its easy to find out the password

Only if you use a known password. Or if you do it in front of them. Like any other password, I also changed on a regular basis. Anytime I credit the dc's account I do it online through my phone/laptop. I don't keep my card details linked to the accounts as soon as I have credited details are deleted. The accounts are linked to my emails so I always get the notifications. The machines aren't in bedrooms.

Mine aren't angels and I haven't got money to lose to gaming. I would be furious if they did it as it would be a massive breach of trust.

Parents need to be proactive about their dc's devices.

endofthelinefinally · 13/02/2019 14:14

I agree with everyone saying you need to take the addictive behaviour seriously.
My late son had ADHD and addictive personality.
I wish I had realised much earlier and had been able to access help.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
You have had a terrible shock, but it is also an opportunity to seek appropriate help.

Vagabond · 13/02/2019 14:18

A friend of mine recently restricted her son from playing Fortnite. The stress of "waiting to play" and banking "game time' caused him to pull out almost all of his hair from the back of his head. He had long, floppy blonde hair: it took her a few weeks to even notice that he had no hair left from the nape of his neck up to the crown of his head.

I personally think that the tech companies should take responsibility for causing this addiction. In-app purchases are too easy to access.

Wolfiefan · 13/02/2019 14:22

Tech companies don’t cause the addiction. Parent buy the tech and enable kids to behave in this way. My kids have always had limits and also lots of other activities they enjoy.

O4FS · 13/02/2019 14:28

Speak to your bank, PayPal and Microsoft. I’ve been in this position. Apple gave us the money back immediately. Microsoft needed more persuading. In the end the bank paid it back I think.
It’s worth a few phone calls.
Getting your money back, or at least attempting to, should be set apart from what your DS has done though and shouldn’t be part of the solution.

Vagabond · 13/02/2019 14:39

Wolfiefan, tech companies study how to create addictive games. They do cause it. The creator of the app "Flappy Birds" was so worried about kids playing his game to the detriment of their own lives, that he deleted the app/game, despite it making him lose millions.
Yes, parental consent / control is part of it, but if you're a working parent with a child with a smartphone, then it is near impossible to police all gaming apps. For some people, Candy Crush is so addictive.... it's insane.

3luckystars · 13/02/2019 14:40

I am really sorry this happened, and feel very sorry for you. This could be any one of us. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's done now.

I don't know what to advise you but I just wanted to say that I did terrible things when I was younger and I turned out ok, and would never ever steal anything now.

I hope you find away through with your son. Nobody is hurt. Look after yourself.

BlueJag · 13/02/2019 14:53

I'm not going to give you a hard time about not checking etc.
It happened and now it's damage control.
I have to admire how your son organised this deception. It's impressive really.
I'm sure you are upset and looking for options of what to do about your son.
Talking to Microsoft is useless the stuff was purchased and it all virtual.
I wouldn't involve the police at all. The way I'll deal with it is involving him on paying it back.
Real consequences sell his stuff, don't buy him nice clothes, whatever you can think off. Don't go on holiday, find what's going to hurt him. Hobbies etc.
I just feel for you. Your son was terribly clever(not in a good way I know)
If he uses his mind for good the sky is the limit.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 13/02/2019 14:55

@vagabond the tech companies don't need to take responsibility, parents need to monitor their children more on consoles.

This will be a lesson to both op and her son on appropriate gaming but also her DH on monitoring his bank activity more

3luckystars · 13/02/2019 15:27

By monitoring, do you mean we are expected to stand in the room listening to those youtube wasters droning on now too?

Original poster
squaresausage · 13/02/2019 16:21

I’m sorry endoftheline to hear about your son. Rest assured I will be seeking help. Again, only time will tell if my son (and us) has really learned a lesson.

Talking of YouTube wasters lucky, I asked my son how he knew to set up a PayPal account, and of course......😕

I’m not convinced my son is ‘horribly addicted’ as he claims but I think it’s naive to claim these games are not designed to be that way. I think my son was lacking a balance of activities as others have alluded to. He will now be upping his music and sport during the week and I will be ensuring he takes on more responsibility in the house.

He’s currently practising guitar, which is a novelty, seen as I bought the instrument for him over a year ago!

OP posts:
Interceptor999 · 13/02/2019 17:41

@Jaxtellerswife it is the OP fault for not parenting her teenage son and supervising him instead of allowing him hours upon hours of unsupervised time to steal from them!!!

Interceptor999 · 13/02/2019 17:44

@zippey well who's responsibility is it to make sure you know what your children are doing at all times?

Interceptor999 · 13/02/2019 17:52

@Vagabond why should the tech company's take the blame for parents who do not supervise their kids because it keeps them out of their way?

Interceptor999 · 13/02/2019 17:54

@3luckystars oh no heaven forbid you actually have to talk to your child!Hmm

Jaxtellerswife · 13/02/2019 17:57

@Interceptor999
Should you check your bank? Yes
Should you monitor your child's gaming? Yes
Is it ever someone's fault that they've been robbed? No.

IShitGlitter · 13/02/2019 18:02

wow thats alot of money!suppose if its in the odd £10 £20 each purchase easily done over a few months. Have you been intouch with paypal to see about a refund surely they are at fault a little if it was a bogus address?

Wolfiefan · 13/02/2019 18:07

You can’t opt out of parenting your child just because you work. Confused

sashh · 14/02/2019 06:15

I thought you didn't get a police record unless you were 16. I would have the police come and question him but not pursue charges so he gets an almighty fright.

Nope it is 10. And although it becomes 'spent' quicker it still shows on an enhanced DBS.

OP

With the laptop I would stop it connecting to the internet, I assume you have wifi, you can remove the wireless adapter. He will still be able to use the internet with a wired connection or a wireless dongle but you can keep control of that.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 14/02/2019 08:40

I agree with TheOniyLiving. It's the planning that is the worrying part. Definitely sell the Xbox and switch. If he has a nice phone I'd think about trading that in as well for a cheaper one.

Then discuss with him how he's planning on paying it all back.

And your DH needs to keep a better eye on his spending from now on too Smile

Vagabond · 14/02/2019 13:08

I'm surprised at all the posters who are giving the tech companies a free pass. For a start, perhaps the tech companies could insist that a user has to use a credit/debit card in the user's name to make in-app purchases.

Do you also think it's a parent's fault if their child views graphic images and videos of self-harm on Instagram? Or is it up to Instagram to stop it?
The answer is pretty clear to me. Tech platforms /companies have a duty of care to their customers.

WhatTheNightBrings · 14/02/2019 13:43

@Vagabond - the tech company in this case provide suitable 'children' settings, if the PARENT decides not to use it, that's on them.

theworldistoosmall · 14/02/2019 14:38

How is it tech companies fault when parents decide to leave card details on accounts? How is it tech companies fault when parents willing hand over card details? Those are the action of the parents.
Microsoft you can also set limits for time played and spend caps if you are daft enough to leave card details on the account.

SM, a lot of kids have accounts that are under the age of 13, endorsed by parents. Parents should be taking a more active role in parenting their kids and take an interest in what their kids are viewing.

If I as an adult want to see graphic images I shouldn't be denied because of ineffective parents who hand devices to their kids and let them get on with it.

NotAPenguin · 14/02/2019 18:36

My 13yo DS spent money (£100s rather £1000s) on in app purchases on his phone. We wrote a message saying that a child had unauthorised access to my credit card and he then spent 40 ins or so sending to everyone that he's spent money with - I think there was a way to do that via google. He got the majority of it back and has been working to pay back the remaining £40. So definitely worth trying to get it back.

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