16 yo Daughter knows of our drug use

[beecee]

Our daughter caught both of us using cocaine about 12 months ago and we now know she also read phone messages where we talked about drug use , very bad parenting we know . She is now at nearly 16 starting to push many of the usual boundaries and has mildly started to reference to what she know as a kind of blackmail/bargaining tool , I'm not sure how to go about this and any help with this would be great .

Phone messages? Amateur

Is this a wind up?

It's fake right?

I've reported

Are you still using?

address her behaviour with her head on
do not guess that her pushing boundaries has to do with drug use
do not be held ransom by it
she, like many teenagers, will have to realise that parents are people too with all their vices and foibles
good luck

Not a wind up , we accept lousy parents of the year award , but what I'm hoping for is advice to contain this , not for us but for our daughter .

TBH
One of my v close friends has always used drugs can I say recreationally from Class A to C and her children were aware of it at this age
She never discussed it with them. This might sound strange but she firmly thought that it was her adult business and the kids accepted that.
She was a very good organised mother in all respects
She still uses off and on 10 yrs later but her kids don't and have never been big drug users

Honestly, you don't include your D in your sex life and I think that the drug use can be treated in a similar manner. Firmly not her business and moving on

How is she using it as a bargaining tool? Is it that she should do it because you do or is she threatening to tell someone?

If you d

Agh-?0

Sorry- stupid fat fingers phone!

She will ask why you don't want her to do it. If you can answer that question and she refers it back to you, what will you say then? Would you be willing/able to give up?

Lead by example.

You deal with it by stopping taking cocaine...

Yup, it's about time you stopped, I guess.

I was in a situation where my friends son walked in on her doing coke, similar behaviour from her son escalating to him leaving school without sitting exams.

My advice would be sit him down and talk about his future, blackmail won't work either way. Don't dramatise anything.

She is just 16 and we are late 40's , she hasn't specifically brought it up , it's prob more paranoia and guilt on our part , but when asking to stay out late or about alcohol issues , we feel it's just waiting to used against us , so do we tackle it head on and take the lead , or wait for her to bring it up directly and tackle it then ? .

Late 40's and still using cocaine ?

Sad, very sad

You are adults and she is a child. I think you should be open with her and tell her the truth about your experiences with drugs.

Adults do lots of things that children aren't allowed to. She knows you did it, best to fess up and use it as an opportunity to warn and educate her about drug use.

.... I honestly don't think you have a leg to fucking stand on. What an indescribably selfish thing to day

You take coke in your forties and you dare to criticise her drinking alcohol? She's within her rights to request foster care away from her two class A drug abusing parents!

You deal with it by not using cocaine any more, and making sure that if she talks to you about it, that you are deeply apologetic for risking your own lives and risking leaving her an orphan.

You are in your forties, using cocaine. You are ASKING for a heart attack, you realise that? I had to distance my self from a friend when we were in our twenties because I was so worried about his drug use. YOU ARE HER PARENTS - can you not imagine how frightening it must be to know your parents are a pair of druggies?

Really? Using cocaine in your late 40s - isn't it time to grow up a bit? I don't know how you deal with this now - maybe you could have thought about the possible consequences before using?

Tell her you and your DH are immature and foolish and that the best thing she can do is to learn from your mistakes, not use them to blackmail you.

Stop taking drugs and talk to her carefully. She's almost an adult ffs.

OP, can you stop the drug taking ?

Lots of people use cocaine, it doesn't make it right, but spouting a lot of reactionary nollocks about foster care isn't going to help either.

Op presuming this is for real, put a pin on your phone and stop using when she is around. I wouldn't mention it and I would not feel blackmailed into letting h do things I wasn't comfortable with.

And if she challenges you on it, tell her you want her to have a better life than you did.