Should I return my 12 year old's mascara after breaking my rules?

[PeppyEagle]

Recently I bought my 12 year old daughter a black mascara the one condition I had was she was not allowed to wear it to school. This was the first time I had bought her makeup other than lipgloss.She has started wearing it to school and I took it away from her because she did not follow the conditions of not wearing it to school. This was a few days ago and she is a bit mad I have taken it from her. She has apologised and asked for one last chance. Should I give it back to her?

She is 12 years old. She does not need to wear makeup.

They are adults.

A 12 year old is not an adult and needs their parents to help them make good decisions.

Surely you can understand that?

To me that is so sad.

Kids can't even enjoy being kids anymore and, especially girls, are starting so early to obsess about their appearance and being good little consumers that bring more revenue to cosmetic companies.

Sad as well that parents don't see any issue with that.

I've just binned my 12 year old's foundation (we bought it in the right shade for Halloween makeup but she has kept using it, and keeps smearing it on the walls.
She's not old enough to be responsible with makeup so we will try again when she's 13.

Totally agree. When I was at secondary school in the mid 90’s, any suspicion of make up would have resulted in a trip to the office, where you were handed a stack of wet paper towels to wipe it off. Everyone knew where they stood and parents were supportive of the rules. I miss those days.

It's mascara, not crack cocaine.

Wearing it is not a "bad decisions" ffs.

I was in high school from 89-92 and my best friend, who had blonde hair and eyelashes, wore blue mascara every day. Loads of girls wore make up through high school.

What a stupid thing to say.

No it's not. Some absolutely ridiculous overreactions on this thread over a tube of mascara fgs.

Really is. My mum got sick of me trying to find concealer (very pale) and paid for me to go to Prescriptives (yes I’m old!) to get a shade match. She bought me the foundation and concealer and explained to spend on those and save on stuff like eyeshadow

she also paid for a very gentle facial at dermalogica where they explained taking care of my skin by washing my face,removing makeup and using SPF
i would have been about 13 and it’s done me no harm apart from the fact that I always cleanse twice a day and always wear SPF

My DD is 13 and has used it for a year or 2, it causes no harm a bit of mascara does it

In what way is it stupid?

100% agree with this.

i will support the schools right to enforce consequences on my DCs even if I don’t agree with the rules. What I won’t do is let the schools ridiculous policies overflow into my home life and battle with my children on something I don’t agree with or think is important. There is enough parenting for me to focus on.

I also get annoyed with hearing constantly how parents over parent, modi coddle and don’t allow children to face the consequences of their actions. My children break rules we set at home they bear the consequences we choose, they break school rules then they bear the consequences at school.

for me it's the bigger picture of why does a 12 year old need to enhance their lashes? do boys enhance their lashes or appearance in any way at 12 (generally not)?
why is a natural 12 year old needing to do anything to enhance any facial or physical features (beyond grooming)?
there is zero need at 12 to attract attention from? who exactly is it intended for, to "fit in" with who exactly? is it to fit in with other girls who are trying to look older then their age? attract attention from older boys (again my experience as a mom of two boys is at 12 girls are NOT on their radar).
in no way is mascara at 12 not aging and sexualizing.
yes a 12 year old may have skin issues and need cleaners and medical help, nothing wrong with a fashion minded hair cut or learning about dressing appropriately for party type occasions but at 12 there is zero "need" for mascara.
is it crack? maybe not but it just might reinforce that at 12 she is not pretty enough which is a dangerous slope.

I wanted to wear it, it wasn’t that deep. It would come free with bliss and sugar magazine. I also wanted glitter, ponies, hair mascara and inflatable furniture

I didn’t link it to attracting boys/men, it was just “oh my eyelashes look longer/a different colour” and all my friends were wearing it

I am still a makeup person and don’t wear it for men, I wear it for fun. To change my look, to wear a beautiful coloured eyeshadow. Not artistic at all but I LOVE doing my makeup

Eh? What on earth is wrong with mascara when you’re 12? Genuine question. At school or anywhere else - it’s a tiny bit of make up, not toxic waste. Jeez. I wore it at that age at school and I’m sure many of us did. Give her it back op. If there’s a (completely batshit) school rule about not wearing it, then if she does she accepts the consequences.

My 17yr DS wears eye liner at school sometimes. He is in a band though 🤣

Luckily his school doesn’t have too many petty pointless rules. 😊

We're all more likely to break rules that we can't see the point of.

If there is a reason (other than 'because I said so') then explain it to her.

You are absolutely right but that's a big battle to place on the shoulders of a 12 year old.

make up should be do subtle that it won’t get her into trouble

relax a bit

They need a bit of makeup especially if they’re self conscious about spots and shiny skin. Nothing wrong with that. Clear mascara is a good idea.

Just be aware, restrictions might make her start hiding stuff from you. It might not, but I know some of my kids friends go to other peoples houses to get dressed to go out!

What annoys me too is the complete double standards applied in schools. If my DD wears makeup, fake tan or dyes her hair she gets in trouble but then there are girls with full on spray tans who accompany this with additional makeup, highlights and there are no consequences because it’s a requirement for their out of school activities such as dancing. I remember seeing a girl last year, her fake tan looked orange and she had massive false eyelashes, she was wearing a prefect badge, when I asked my dd why she can get away with that she said “o she won’t get in trouble she a star pupil always winning dance competitions”. Fair enough she needs it for dance but why is it acceptable for her to appear this way in school when other girls get in trouble for wearing a little mascara?

I never wore makeup at school, it was never something I was interested in, even as an adult I very rarely wore it. I don’t think my DDs need it but totally understand why they want to wear it, it’s part of growing up and experimenting.

no i dont think so, she will not learn.

Compromise and buy her a decent eyelash curler and clear mascara instead. The no make up eye look is in. Zendeya chose this look for her latest premiere.

If she’s allowed to wear it out with friends at the weekend, then maybe look at the application. If she can put it on without piling the on stuff and it looking like spiders legs, and manages to not have panda eyes at the end of the day….think about leaving the decision to wear it to school to her.