Should I return my 12 year old's mascara after breaking my rules?

[PeppyEagle]

Recently I bought my 12 year old daughter a black mascara the one condition I had was she was not allowed to wear it to school. This was the first time I had bought her makeup other than lipgloss.She has started wearing it to school and I took it away from her because she did not follow the conditions of not wearing it to school. This was a few days ago and she is a bit mad I have taken it from her. She has apologised and asked for one last chance. Should I give it back to her?

But it's by the by because she does have it!

This was referring to the dyes and tints…

The OP literally said it was due to the school rules in her 2nd or 3rd post.

I’ve read half way through and I’m despairing that so many parents are not backing the school rules (I am assuming OP has set the boundary due to school rules). As someone who works in a primary, we see this start at age 9 and by year 6 it’s a daily battle. And their parents don’t manage it due to ‘pick your battles’ ie parents don’t want to deal with the fallout at home so push it on the school to enforce.

Parents, please, set and enforce the boundary at home. You agreed to the school rules when you signed up to the school. It’s much better if we work together on this. Your child is testing boundaries and we all work together to hold them.

Maybe schools shouldn’t have such bizarre and pointless rules 🤷‍♀️

Our local secondary allows make-up, dyed (natural coloured) hair and piercings and somehow not one single child has imploded or suffered educationally as a result.

Which is fine if that’s the school rules. But if a school sets rules pupils and parents shouldn’t be picking and choosing which to follow. Schools and parents should work together. We just don’t need the them and us attitude.

Don’t like the rules? Either bring it up through proper channels with the school (asking why the rules are there in the first place), or find a different school that has the rules you agree with.

Tint and 3% Hydrogen Peroxide, if used correctly, will not ruin eyelashes.

Eyelash tinting is one of the first treatments I learned as a beauty therapist, and in over 30 years of tinting eyelashes and brows, I can assure you that everyone is absolutely fine.

Most parents have absolutely no choice when it comes to picking a school with rules they agree with, though - you know that.

And again, most aren’t going to put their energy into fighting battles that ultimately are absolutely pointless. If a 12 year old chooses to wear makeup to school they can deal with the consequences.

I am so glad my kids didn’t have to go to schools in the UK with all tvose old and dusty ridgid rules.

Complete overreaction, its just mascara, would anyone even notice she's wearing it? At 12 most girls just want to fit in and feel belonging with their friends. Surely the point of school is for them to learn, anything that keeps attendance up and helps them feel confident is a good thing. It's just a reflection on society where most women wear make up. My DD is 14 and wears a lot of make up to school. I don't have a problem with it all, she has acne and it makes her feel brave enough to attend. I have absolutely no idea if it's against school rules and don't care in the slightest. She knows if she breaks school rules she'd receive their consequences, but I certainly wouldn't continue to enforce that at home. As for 'you've signed up to the school rules when you joined' what nonsense, there's no choice is there, I want my child to be educated and sadly that comes with a load of micromanaging. We had an email on the 2nd day back from the head of year saying, not a welcome message, but that he'd spent the morning measuring girls skirts and was now aware of the disturbing issue that some are made of a stretch jersey fabric instead of the polycotton blend listed in the rules! 😱

Kids today have so much pressure. Don't add to it.

How are you with other things?

Bear in mind at that age they will be exposed to vapes, foul language and borderline sexual touching.

Please don't become the parent where the child will find a way and the consequences are more severe than a bit of mascara.

Yeah I will back the school on the big stuff but nowadays Im seeing the palaver about uniform as ridiculous. My DD14 goes to a girls school which I like and went to a lovely
primary but my god they have almost turned me anti uniform altogether because of their refusal to move with the times. 12 is year 8 presumably? I think you’re on a hiding to nothing trying to stop her wearing it to school. Those are the people that she’s most trying to fit in with. I was a teenager in the 80’s and I would have been wearing a bit of make up to school by 13 so it’s not some modern aberration. Primary school is different but there’s a lot of change that happens between 10 and 12.

A 12 year old does not need to wear mascara...

We really should not raise daughters who are overly concerned about their appearance and think they need to wear make up at that age.

Like many parents I'll support the school with ensuring my child attends is polite and does their work.

What I am feed up with is SLT within schools who seem to think parent are children too and they somehow have the intellectual and moral high ground.

Silly rules around mascara are a symptom of all that is wrong within the school system. How does what is on girls eye lashes in anyway affect their ability to learn?

I've seen this kind of thing play out in local schools they have a discipline problem so they go after the low hanging fruit of make up and uniform but don't actually deal with the disruptive elements.

The best schools I know don't sweat the small things like this and their pupils are really well behaved and do well academically.

It's mascara, not a facial tattoo - give it back to her and let her enjoy a tiny bit of makeup fgs.

Yes, like in most other countries.

Well that’s me told, right?

Actually though, it’s not ‘fucking obvious’ it’s against the rules because OP has not said that. All you have done is show yourself up. What a horrible person you must be to speak to others with such hostility. I bet you don’t do it IRL though.

Adults don’t need to wear mascara either, but lots of them want to 🤷‍♀️

I would let her have it or otherwise she'll probably end up using someone else's and end up with an awful eye infection.

(Missing the point but young ones today are not as savvy as we were back in the day, we would slap makeup on in the school toilets and take it off on the way home with a fag hanging out our mouths 🤣).

😂 @Coconutter24that made laugh.
my Dd is 12. Her and all her friends where mascara daily

I’m with @Greenseacat and the few others; mascara at 12 is inappropriate.

I think you're being way too strict.

I understand schools may have rules about this, but then again, I have very mixed feelings about that. Obviously you don't want pupils turning up with make up in the latest Tik-tok trends when they're overly bright and garish. Equally, for some pupils, a bit of make up can make them feel better about themselves and more confident.
If teachers can wear something, then within reason, pupils should be able to as well.

A bit of mascara and lip gloss at school isn't going to affect anyone.

I’d not relent yet and hand her back the mascara.

Let her stew for breaking the rules and prove that she can continue following all other rules you’ve enforced. If and when, you believe she’s learnt her lesson hand it back but if she breaks the rules again, she should not be allowed the mascara until she’s at a more suitable age.

Teachers are adults - children are not.

feeling better about themselves can be achieved through being told they’re enough, beautiful and talented just as they are and do not need, especially at this age, any enhancements be it makeup or other things.

How did the rest of us cope when makeup was strictly forbidden at school many years ago!

It's mascara! Not an illegal drug she's using. Give it her back- if she gets in to trouble that's on her to face the consequences.