Fed up of reminding him. Shall I stop?

[chickidychick]

DH used to leave it last minute to do Christmas shopping for the DSC and was then left trying to think of ideas for stocking fillers in the local (small) supermarket shop. This was when I first met him. When we moved in together I took it upon myself to pester him to look a bit earlier. They loved their stocking that year and since then I've kept up with the reminding and suggestions.

We now have a DC and I'm back at work. Frankly I do not have the brain capacity to keep reminding him. I'm sorting out DC's. Am I a complete evil step mum to just tell him its black Friday week if he wanted to start looking for Christmas presents and leave it at that?

I see your frustration, but I couldn’t bear the thought that my SC would be so disappointed. I’m not sure your SC would see the change is down to their inept dad, and probably would see that it’s down to having your own DC and they’re now not as important

Right OK new plan

I'll tell him today that it's black Friday tomorrow and that I just don't have the capacity to help with the stocking for DSC. And then I'll find one or two things for their stocking I KNOW they will love.

Feel much better about that.

I don’t think so. I expect my partner to be an involved father. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

But this is just christmas stocking he's a bit useless at. You know nothing about anything else he does.

If it’s ‘just’ a Xmas stocking but he’s great and involved with everything else, why is it such a big thing? Why can’t be just be expected to do it.

@chickidychick is there a reason why you can’t just pick up bits for DSC’s stockings throughout the year too? I know DH is crap at sticking gifts, I pick up everyone’s (3 DC, 1 DC GF, My DP and MIL this year). DH is great in other ways.

Because he's useless and they'll end up with a lacklustre stocking

Because I haven't had the capacity so far this year. I've had a lot on my plate.

He doesn’t get the luxury of being useless at Xmas when he has kids. Do you?

If he’s otherwise great, he’ll step up for his children and for you. He also needs to be involved in getting things for the child you have together not just the other 2. He doesn’t sound great to me.

Because he's useless

And there you have it. Is he useless with your joint child? Is he a useless husband too?

Thats a good plan op. Gives him the work to do but also ensures the children are not punished if dad doesn't come through.

Not step parent but with dh I ofren give him tasks for specific stocking fillers like this year he is finding a rugby themed Christmas or aren't for ds

I have reminders set up on Alexa for DS(8) - put your watch on, brush your teeth etc. at some point I expect him to grow up and remember to do it for himself. I wouldn't be doing this for a grown man!!

No he's useless at christmas organisation

Thank you. I get the impression if there weren't DSC involved and they were all joint kids this is the answer most would have given.

He does the kids would just have lower expectations of Christmas. They still get a stocking either way.

He’s got children, he needs to just fucking get on with it. What a crap father to be ok with his kids
being disappointed just because he can’t be bothered to put some effort in and is ‘useless’. No he’s not. You have said he’s not. He just wants to be seen that way at Xmas so you’ll act like mummy and do it for him. How fucking unattractive.

Just ask what’s the outcome he wants and how to achieve it.

Because they're not all her kids ? What does their father do ?

@FallingsHowIFeel You seem very angry about my husband

This. Talk about presents together

But then I'd still be doing it so defeats the point and will probably even take longer.

I would remind him to do it but if I were you I would also pick up a few things when I was out shopping. Even when you just go to Tesco you can find a few small things that would be nice in a stocking. I would enjoy doing that personally for the children’s sakes.

I don't see why you aren't both buying for both children. They are children of the family so what does it matter of step child or own child??

Yes I'm going to do this and talk to him later. I can order a few things online I know they'll like to jazz it up a bit and leave it at that.

Because why should I they are his kids