Right MNHQ, I'm looking at you.

[ShowOfHands]

You know what I want. Enough with the delayed gratification.

I will not be moved. I have a banner.

Do it.

I think that Justine and the rest at MNHQ must still be hiding under the desks, praying for the return of sanity and normality to mumsnet - could be a while, ladies!!

Oh is that not funny? This thread has distorted my humour perception.

No, no terrible playground crashes atm but I might have to include it if I'm hoping to get it made into a film. Couple of OAPs on a bus isn't really big screen fodder is it?

I'll re-write the whole thing later.

Two OAPs on a bus having a discussion about how cocks are not the same as they used to be:

"They seem to make them smaller these days Edith!"
"Do you think so Elsie? I don't know, maybe they just seemed bigger back then?"
"Either that or our mouths have grown, our Edith."
"Yes well mine does stretch further without my teeth Elsie."

Great work SOH, I do agree with you. I don't particularly like bum sex threads and they're everywhere at the weekends so now I don't really visit here so much. [prude] It'd be good to scoop all the gloopier threads and then hide them in an innocent sounding thread topic.

SoH - have you written a book before?

This thread is completely hilarious!!!!

Def should be in Mumsnet Classics.

Well I am shocked at such open discussion of bollards here. Talking about such things is hardly ladylike, you know, Radished!!

Not a whole book no, some other stuff. I'm beginning to think my best works are on MN.

I was on a bus a while ago and two old women got on and one declared with a flourish "and that my dear is why I don't trust the French". I've wondered ever since what happened to her to elicit such adamance. Probably involved a cock eh Rhubarb?

Edith and Elsie sound like good fun. My Grandma assures me that in their day they "didn't have sex willy nilly". Which is what resulted in my father's conception no doubt.

Everybody knows French men are dirty buggers, SOH. Evidemment

Actually, I think Justine et al are missing a trick here.

The potential for MN merchandise is huge.

MN lube.
MN haemorrhoid cream.
MN strap ons.

Could be worth a fortune.

Or is Justine stealing a march on Carrie?

Not your best pic, btw, Justine

oh god that gltc not understanding the brief piccture has had my in hysterics for ages - I'm wheezing.

I do think johhnny would jump at a hotch-potch blow job blouse. Wouldn't he?

SoH - yep, see it's all about instant, innit?

Johnny has deffo missed a trick. Who's gonna tell him?

I think GLTC did understand the brief.

They're just clearly aiming at a more specialist sector of the market.

Ah, subtlety eh, Bella? Good point. There's always room for a new angle.

Just had confirmation from Joules

Maybe a friday night webchat with johnny and the walnut warriors could really turn that spring collection around.

The Walnut Warriors are up for it

Might have known we'd get interest from Dave Cameron

Pink wellies? Whatever next. When I lie naked in the back field in full make-up with my hair immaculately straightened, I don't ruin the effect with pink wellies. What was she thinking?

Marvellous.