TDWP and recent goings-on

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

We thought it would be useful to explain our understanding of what occurred last week between Zombie, Footsteps/TDWP, Rhubarb etc to try to clear up any misunderstandings.

When the situation started to develop last week, we absolutely did not know that Footsteps was TDWP. We unearthed something to suggest that she was near midnight on the night that everything was kicking off. At that point, one MNer was waiting in a public place to meet up with her, and we had been told by Zombie and by Nom that the police were aware of the rendezvous details and were standing by to help if anything went wrong.

We could see from some PMs flying around that posters were saying that the crime reference number checked out, and that the refuge had confirmed they had a space for her, so at this point we thought the best course was to keep channels of communication open. So we didn't ban Footsteps again at that point, despite having realised who she was. We did re-ban her once things had settled down and we had been told she was in a safe place. Given past history, TDWP is not a poster we would consider allowing back to Mumsnet permanently.

At various points throughout the evening we were in phone or text contact with Zombie and with Rhubarb, mostly trying to establish (as far as we could) what was going on and whether people were behaving safely. FWIW, we thought at the time - and still do - that it was a hugely risky thing to do, and not something we would advise or encourage. We would never recommend that any MNer goes into a situation like this, particularly not on her own. As most of you will know, we remind posters regularly that not everyone on the internet is who and what they say they are. We're pulling together some content on internet safety for adults and hope to publish that soon.

We asked Rhubarb at the time (before we had conclusive evidence about Footsteps's identity) whether she thought the person Zombie was meeting was a previously banned poster, and she said that she had no reason to think it was.

Pretty much everything else took place off-board and via channels that we have no access to - so beyond this account we aren't able to say with certainty what has gone on.

Honeydragon
I agree with you. And she is likely laughing her head off at causing all this upset.

I am another to agree with HoneyDragon.

wannaBe I think some long term and well known posters did know exactly who it was but for some reason I still cannot fathom chose to give her story credence.

I posted a link to Stars' thread on the other thread of this morning as I think it shows MN at its best. I don't think this thread or last week's or the one of this morning do.

confused

" I think some long term and well known posters did know exactly who it was but for some reason I still cannot fathom chose to give her story credence"

^This.

Yes and yes and yes.

I agree bisjo. And that is what does not compute for me, and never will.

WannaBe, that is exactly how I remember it all and in the middle of all that was the hurt that she caused, turning regular posters against each other, shit stirring and using their own innermost thoughts/personal recollections against them.

She was poison. One of the people she hurt has chosen to forgive her, or at least to give her another chance. She is a better person than I, because I couldn't do that. She needs help, that's for sure, but not on MN.

And no, I don't believe this years story, either.

I probably shouldn't post because I never got sucked in by TDWP, I was too new.

I do believe it is perfectly possible, and actually very likely, for someone who is struggling to go from one abusive partner to another. It's common. From the little I understand I think this is a real woman with real difficulties.

I'm not defending what happened, just saying that is absolutely doesn't make someone implausible if they have repeated problems. I really think it matters. The issue isn't that she's 'trolling' in the sense of being entirely unreal. It's that posters mustn't be dragged into danger by this sort of thing. You can be highly manipulative and also truthful about circumstances, just like in real life.

LRD a lot of what TWDP posted was pure fiction. Same as the other prolific and well known trolls.

Sorry, I meant, I honestly wasn't commenting on TDWP, that was the reason for me saying I never got sucked in and was too new to have done so.

I'm commenting in the abstract, because it might need saying for people who suddenly worry they'll be judged. It's not me saying I think trolling is ok, or anything close to that. Just that, IMO, the storylines that get worked up into massive, emotional, manipulative ones work because they are also stories that happen in real life.

I was around too when TWDP was here. I know she caused mayhem, was inventive with her posts, lied, and caused upset to some.

But I think her life reflected the destructive person she was on here and I still wonder about her and hope her life improved. I guess this post suggests her life hasnt improved and is still chaotic.

It isn't about people being judged; it is everything about people investing their emotions and life experiences to offer support to someone who is writing fiction.

It is very very hard for those posters who may have shared hugely personal experiences to deal with the fall out that always happens in these cases. It makes me mad as MN is full of wonderfully supportive posters who do amazing things.

These trolls want to cause as much upset and damage as they can and it is really disappointing when others join in who should know better.

'" I think some long term and well known posters did know exactly who it was but for some reason I still cannot fathom chose to give her story credence"'

But if that's the case and you're referring to Rhubarb, that would mean she is lying about not realising who it was this time.

And I don't think Rhubarb is capable of lying.

I think you are right Pancake, yes she caused chaos and unhappiness of a rather nasty variety, but I also think that is who she was and is IRL.

I really doubt anyone who realised/suspected it waS TDWP 'lied" as such. I see it as they didn't care if it was her, someone needed help and they were happy to give it.

How pointing out that the help given was dangerous/silly/irresponsible can be seen as bullying or vitriol I don't know.

the thing is, it's a bit like catching your kids lying isn't it. We teach them that if they lie then that makes them impossible to believe in the future. And one day they may tell the truth about something important, but because they are known to be liers no-one will believe them.

TDWP pretended to be her h posting aggressively that he had read all her threads. She posted that he had locked her out of the house and she was unable to get in. Thing is every time she posted something she had the threads deleted as soon as someone suspected under the pretence that her h may be reading, or she posted in chat, so there is no evidence of the kind of bullshit she posted here.

If you lie once about dv what's to stop you lying again. Why on earth would I believe someone who had made up such bollocks in the past? It's an insult to real victims.

Maybe she needs help - of the mental health variety. But mn is not the place to gain that help...

And she has spread so much poison and hatred and vileness around these boards in the past (and no, I was not drawn in by her so this isn't personal) that frankly I can't bring myself to care if her life is that sad... (bearing in mind I think her dv tale is bollocks).

This is the thing

When a person is in a destructive, abusive relationship it does not necessarily follow that they are incapable of abuse/destructiveness themselves.

And often when a person has an inability to care for themselves, they are particularly liable to hurt others who try to assist along the way, because it is simply what they do.

It's the only way they know how to live.

Other victims are just that - victims - and are not able to, or liable to, destroy those around them who are good.

But some victims just spread the abuse they are receiving.

and I am trying to word that as not to say the victim - any victim - is inviting their abuse, or causing it.

A victim is still a victim whatever their outgoing behaviour.

I think the best thing for TDWP to do now is to keep off MN and take up the support she is being given at the refuge- FWIW I do believe she is experiencing real difficulties, but MN is not going to help her.

I imagine that it unlikely that she will easily make the break with this place knowing that there are threads all over the place being posted referring to her: it's difficult enough sometimes tearing yourself away to engage with RL, never mind when you can feel your ears burning.

Least said, soonest mended and all that. If anybody needs a good drama this weekend, I can recommend the finale of The Bridge on BBC4

It's not just TWDP, it is Lola, CVQ, WWW and the one whose name I cannot remember who posted about having a seriously ill baby which then died (and whose details she piggybacked off a genuine poster). Then there are posters like HW who posted about horrific events but then didn't like it when RL intervened to offer support. I think we need an emoticon of a googled-eyed face for this sort of stuff.

Nooo I hate eco terrorist stuff.

Isn't there anything else on?

somebody should write a novel......

Boffers but then I'd have to watch to WHOLE serious by Saturday.

Can I not just spread rumours that you have regular knee tremblers with Peter Andre behind his local Costa Coffee and you like it, then we can have a big scrap, with lots of other Mnetters shouting "leave it Bof, she ain't worth it"?

How did she manage to post again, given she'd been banned? I vaguely remember her being banned after something involving pooing in a train station and not having a change of clothes, and all the other hooha. So she managed to come back in between? I also remember the snowy tights thread

Rowan wouldn't be able to delete as she'd be too bust vomiting over the keyboard at the idea of a Mnetter rubbing up against oily Pete.