Conflict with Y5 child over 11+ prep

[CherishL]

Has anyone had quarrels or arguments with their children during 11+ preparation?

My Year 5 son is academically bright and also very talented in music. We have been saving so that he can attend an independent school, as there are no grammar schools where we live, although there are some very good independent ones nearby.

However, I often feel that he is not as proactive as he should be, and I am becoming quite tired of constantly reminding him what to do. We even created a weekly schedule together showing when and what he should study, but he does not follow it. I also tried letting him plan his own study times, but he struggles to stick to that as well.

Today it reached the point where I ended up yelling at him and telling him not to do it anymore if he does not want to. It made me wonder whether perhaps he is not suited to a very competitive school environment, where many children seem highly driven and self-motivated.

Have any other parents experienced something similar? How did you manage it? Any advice or strategies that worked for you? And did your child still end up getting a place at the school they were hoping for?

Also, recommend Atom learning (or a similar platform with a gamification feature) which worked wonders for my “lazy” child who was bright but not keen to study (it's natural for 10 yrs old to like fun stuff). They are thriving in secondary school and have gradually developed much better learning habits along the way.

Your child is the only one amo g his peers prepping for the ghastly 11+.

No wonder he's not feeling it.

Fwiw, my kids in the US were easily doing the amount of homework some here think is outrageous, without the looming 11+. Plus their extra curricular (that included music).

I don't think it's the amount of work that's the problem. I think it's your anxiety rubbing off on him.

We quit. We were preparing for the N London selective schools and he was simply not co-operating so we gave up. He went to an outstanding comprehensive where he continued to not really do his best until…….the end of year 9 when it clicked. He got all 8/9 in GCSE, 2 x A star and an A at a levels, a first in a c competitive subject at a RG uni and is now in a grad job with all the kids who did co-operate with the 11+. He had us behind him all the time but simply didn’t have the maturity or resilience to want to do it until he was older.

Yes. Super bright and highly motivated DC1 was like this. Didn’t pass the 11+. Went to a comprehensive and did very very well there. Ended up at Imperial College and got a 1st. I think it was partly because DC1 is summer-born.