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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Year 7 - packing their school bag

115 replies

minesawine · 11/09/2012 09:44

Hi My DS started Yr 7 last week. So far I have been packing his school bag every night after consulting his daily timetable. I just wanted to check whether you are doing this for your DC, or do they pack their own bag.

I want my DS to pack his own bag, but if I don't do it then he wont. I will give it one more week then he is on his own.

Am I being mean?

OP posts:
derekthehamster · 11/09/2012 09:47

Personally I'd have made him do it from the start, if only because the teachers will be more understanding of forgotten items within the first couple of weeks, than they will be later on in the term.

My son is in yr 8 and has only forgotten a french book once (he is quite useless and remembering most things but he's got the bag packing down to an art!)

EdithWeston · 11/09/2012 09:48

No. I expect mine to pack their bags already but do remind them to do it. Plus a mantra of 'phone, bus pass, keys' every morning.

PropositionJoe · 11/09/2012 09:50

He packs his own, albeit with me sitting on his bed issuing reminders

annh · 11/09/2012 09:50

What do you mean he "won't"? Will he outright refuse or he just gets distracted and forgets things? I have a very dreamy ds2 who has just started in Yr 7 and so far we have been packing his bag together. He has good intentions but tends to forget half-way through and leave out his pencil case or something so I have been issuing reminders. However, I have no intention of carrying this on beyond the end of this week and am only helping this much because he has found the transition from primary to secondary very tiring, lots of changing classes on a large school site, longer trip to school etc.

I think helping at the beginning is fine because for most Yr 7s it's a big change from primary and they need support with the transition but beyond the first few weeks they have to take responsibility themselves. Once your son gets a detention or two for forgetting books, I bet he will get his act together.

member · 11/09/2012 09:52

Not being mean; he'll have to learn to take the consequences if he doesn't. My dd1 started secondary last week too; I've been prompting her by saying "have you packed your bag for tommorow?" The first couple of nights I may have double-checked her timetable & said things like "don't you need your .... book?" if I'd noticed she hadn't put it in.

The first week I felt I should help in that way because they had so much new to take in & wanted to be supportive. Now I just remind her to do it (& hopefully will cease doing that) & if she forgets something vital, she takes the rap/detention.

bengalcat · 11/09/2012 09:52

I'm with derekthehamster on this one . I get my DD to ensure she has everything she needs in her bag the night before (from day 1). Start tonight (you can always have a sneaky check at his timetable and bag etc just to make sure he's got everything).

guanosoup · 11/09/2012 09:54

My two, now in years 9 and 7, pack thier own bags. We have drawers that are allocated for thier school stuff, and its thier responsibility to pack thier bag ready for the day. I get them to do them after homework in the evening to try and reduce the morning rush... Hmm
I feel they are old enough to take responsibility for thier bags, and hopefully will instill a lifelong habit of organisation [living in hope emoticon]

TantrumsAndGoldAndOrange · 11/09/2012 09:55

I have never ever packed my DCs school bags.
Sorry but I don't think you are doing him any favors.
He needs to be responsible for his own stuff.

If my DCs forget their books/pe kit/oyster card/lunch/phone, they only have themselves to blame. Therefore they will be better organized the next day.

takeonboard · 11/09/2012 09:56

DS yr7 has been packing his own for a few years and he has it down to a fine art. I do the run through as he leaves - money, phone, oyster card.
But if the routine is disrupted it all falls apart... such as yesterday no uniform as he was on a school trip so he left his oyster card in his school blazer, luckily the lovely London Underground staff let him through!

get him in the habit of packing it as soon as possible (you can always check it afterwards!)

seeker · 11/09/2012 09:56

What do you mean, he won't? Do you mean he would go to school with an empty bag?

member · 11/09/2012 09:57

Btw, slight hijack but I'm glad to see others doing simillar to me. My dd is sooo disorganised/slapdash that I wondered if I was being a bit too control freaky!

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 11/09/2012 09:59

Confused "If I don't do it, he won't"

How do you know this, if you have always done it? And if he doesn't do it, he goes in with the wrong equipment and gets short shrift and maybe a detention from the teacher - lesson learnt.

MrsMiniversCharlady · 11/09/2012 10:05

Seriously?! OMG, I can't believe anybody actually packs their child's bag for them Shock It has never even occurred to me to do this (with 4 kids and full time work, I haven't time frankly). I have started reminding my Y8 child to pack his bag the night before to stop him panicking 5 minutes before his bus, but I have never actually done it for him.

JustGettingByMum · 11/09/2012 10:23

Dd has just started in Y7, last week she was really keen to pack everything, this week she's shattered so I am standing nearby while she packs it herself and I'm issuing hints as she goes, but I'm not doing it for her. Next week I hope she'll be back to doing it all herself.

randomfennel · 11/09/2012 10:27

I have one of the world's scattiest 12yos. Even so she manages to get herself up, breakfasted and off to school while we're still in bed, mostly. I make her daily and weekly checklists, and I do run through this with her in the evenings, but I don't pack her bag or check it.

A year ago, I thought secondary school would be a disaster for her in terms of getting endless detentions for forgotten gym kit and homework, but she's been fine, she does forget things, but she learns to try a bit harder next time. If she forgets her keys, then she can't unlock her bike and she has to walk home from school. If she forgets her homework, she gets (theoretically) a detention, if she forgets lunch box and money she has to borrow it. She survives just fine.

ByTheWay1 · 11/09/2012 10:35

Night before I ask what my new Y7 is doing next day - Got HER to list any homework needed, what subjects' books, PE? Games? What bits of extraneous crap needed for D+T or Art or cooking?

She is in a routine now and automatically checks at the same time to see if phone is charged, has credit, how many bus tickets are left, if she has money and umbrella "just in case", and lays out uniform ready.

I seem to have misplaced my forgetful, untidy, couldn't care less daughter at Primary school, but found a new more mature, grown up one at Secondary - I prefer this one ..... for now!!!

shrimponastick · 11/09/2012 10:38

DS is now in Y10 - so I leave him to it.

I do often just ask if he has his bus pass/phone/kjey etc. But he just huffs and says..yeahhh.. (although on occasion he doesn't have it!!)

I used to help out a little in Y7 -by sitting in the room and talking him through it for the first few weeks.

NotMostPeople · 11/09/2012 10:38

I don't pack any of my dc's bags including the ones at primary school, nor do I get them dressed, tidy their bedrooms or make them drinks when they are thirsty. They are quite capable and are not only learning how to be independent but also appreciate what is done for them.

Chrysanthemum5 · 11/09/2012 10:44

DS has just started P4, he'll be 8 in a couple of weeks - not sure how that relates to the English system.

At the parents introduction last week his teacher asked us all to start letting our children be responsible for their own bags. So, this week I'm doing it with DS, he looks at his timetable to see what he needs for the next day and then he gets it ready. I check it once he's in bed to make sure it's ok!

OddGoldBoots · 11/09/2012 10:52

My son is not very organised (and neither am I unless I really work at it) so we have a system whereby we have created a checklist that he has to go through before he is allowed to turn his computer on in the morning and that includes checking his timetable and planner then packing his bag accordingly.

wordfactory · 11/09/2012 10:54

I made my DC pack their school bags from year 4/5.
And their kit bags from year 6.

You need to crack this op. By all means you can prompt with questions. It's a rare day I don't get in the car and say 'Phones? Inhalers?'

Madmog · 11/09/2012 11:19

My daughter has been packing her bag - I said I wanted her to do as she will be more aware than me of what she needs for the next day. She has never let me help with homework and doesn't like us showing interest, so I'm not always aware of what's happening anyway.

I would tell him he has to pack his own bag. As someone said the first few days they will be more forgiving if something is forgotten. My daughter's friend was told yesterday though that if she forgot her french book again she would get detention, so it's better your son learns from a warning rather than the consequences. I still prepare her lunch as I know what I want her to have, so that's one thing she doesn't have to worry about at the moment though.

singersgirl · 11/09/2012 11:37

I'm helping my DS2 pack his bag. It's all quite overwhelming for a dreamy distractible child from a very laid back primary. So after he's done his homework I'm reminding him to check his timetable for tomorrow and work out what he needs to take in. I'm also reminding him where to hang his blazer and key fob thingy so that he can find them on the way out in the morning.

DS1 is in Y10 and very scatty (ADHD traits). The natural consequences of not reminding him is not that he learns the next day - he just gets more and more chaotic and behind. He is learning gradually with lots of support but it is like dealing with a younger child (organisationally) and we have to provide more scaffolding. So he does pack his bag himself, and walks home sometimes if he's forgotten his Oyster and stands on the doorstep if he's forgotten his keys - but I strongly encourage him to get things ready and remind him many times in the morning.

Theas18 · 11/09/2012 11:43

What! Packing his school bag in year 7?

Help yes- make a list and stick it in the kitchen or what ever, even go through it with him... " Tuesday week 2, here you are it says you need science stuff- think was there any homework to hand it?...... maths......PE- OK tell me what PE and what kit you need...." etc

You've got to lead him down the line to being independent and effective. Help him to learn don't do it for him.

Note by the front door " check keys bus pass and lunch" too!

If it takes a long time get the back packed the night before.

DeWe · 11/09/2012 12:22

Goodness no!

I did on the first evening tell her I expected the bag to be packed the evening before, not in the morning.
I have checked she had the house key on the day I thought I might well be out when she arrived home.

I asked her what the consequences of forgetting something (after school detention) and then left her to do it herself.

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