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Secondary education

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Original poster

Year 7 - packing their school bag

115 replies

minesawine · 11/09/2012 09:44

Hi My DS started Yr 7 last week. So far I have been packing his school bag every night after consulting his daily timetable. I just wanted to check whether you are doing this for your DC, or do they pack their own bag.

I want my DS to pack his own bag, but if I don't do it then he wont. I will give it one more week then he is on his own.

Am I being mean?

OP posts:
Original poster
minesawine · 11/09/2012 13:52

Thank you all for your robust responses. Maybe I have been a little bit too soft, but it is only his first week and very overwhelming for him.

I think I am going to start by getting him to pack his own bag and supervise him until he gets used to doing it himself.

OP posts:
Trioofprinces · 11/09/2012 14:15

Minesawine - I am helping DS pack his bag every night, not doing it for him but supervising. I will do that for the first couple of weeks but then he'll be doing it himself.

Ladymuck · 11/09/2012 14:43

Year 7, new school, possibly first time with a proper timetable....

Certainly I would be inclined to supervise just to ensure that he is getting the best possible start. Agree that actually doing it for him isn't helpful, but I helped him make a list of what he needs for each day and then his responsibility to check it off.

I think that it is the reference to the fact that he "won't do it" that is confusing. Is it a case of refusal, or cba, or distraction?

slalomsuki · 11/09/2012 14:50

Year 7 boy here also and he has been told he has to pack his bag on his own from day 1. We have had to return to the house twice in the first week for a forgotten biology book and forgotten shin pads but I have told him its the last time and it's up to him.

One thing that does concern me and I will have to check is the PE kit as he said it was fine when I asked but I know they played football twice last week. It will get checked tonight I think.

brass · 11/09/2012 14:53

no they should be packing their own bags. Mine need to be reminded of course Hmm but they won't be allowed to do anything else until it's done.

LadyPenelope · 11/09/2012 14:59

Y7 DD packs her own and gets her own sports stuff ready for lessons and after school activities. I did help her work out what she needed for first few days. If he finds that kind of organisation difficult, would help him set up the process (list, timetable etc) and then get him to take the lead on doing it with your support to start for a few days or so. All kids different and the first few weeks are overwhelming!

Sparklingbrook · 11/09/2012 15:01

Nooo. DS1 is Year 8 and packs his own bag. He goes to school on the coach 12 miles away and forgetting stuff is not an option plus it isn't going to be my responsibility.

Sparklingbrook · 11/09/2012 15:03

He's Year 9. Blush

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 11/09/2012 15:06

I've got ds a Bag for Life for all the various sports kit to go (indoor/outdoor/rugby/football/swimming) and a sturdy box from the Works for books, calculator etc. I've Blutacked a copy of his timetable to the lid, so he can see what he needs to remember.

The theory is that by keeping everything in a designated place it should be easy to pack the night before. Someone posted the box tip on MN a while ago (I forget who, but thank you!).

Week 2 now and he packs, but I've made it easy for him and I'm still checking. So yes I'm handholding, but I want this first few weeks to be as painless as possible. I don't think a detention would be terribly helpful right now, and there would be no opportunity to nip home for forgotten books or shin pads.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 11/09/2012 15:15

Umm, the Bag for Life stays at home; the theory is that all his clean kit goes in there, and he picks out what he needs on PE days. I don't make him carry a huge shopping bag around school all day!

I am horribly chaotic, but I'm trying to help ds be less so. Nobody ever showed me how to be organised; I certainly never got any help with organising bags for school. I think I'd have had a happier time at school if I'd been helped a bit with organising myself, iyswim. It's reasonable, and not at all cossetting, to lend a hand.

diabolo · 11/09/2012 19:35

Please don't pack his bag for him, he is in Year 7!

If you must, stand there and make him tell you what he needs that day and make him pack it while you watch, so you know he has done it. If he absolutely refuses, let him deal with the consequences.

Lending a hand is one thing, doing it for him is something completely different.

Snog · 11/09/2012 19:39

My dd Y8 has always packed her own bag the night before. This has worked fine for us. She has her timetable written on a whiteboard on the wall that I bought for her and she filled it in.

VivaLeBeaver · 11/09/2012 19:43

I pack dd's and I know I need to stop. I'm going to be strong.

And last night she said she had no homework and at 8pm I found a bit of paper in her back detailing homework that had to be in this morning. Part of me thinks if I hadn't found it at least she would have learnt a lesson.

motherinferior · 11/09/2012 19:54

I haven't packed a school bag in years (and DD2 is in Y5). I didn't actually know people did this for their children.

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 11/09/2012 20:01

Wow, amazed at the parents packing the DC bags, unless reason - eg adhd etc - DC have done theirs since they started school - before playstation bed, not in the morning. But like Edith, I do admit to the chanted mantra , 'keys, phone, bus pass' every evening.... And we do have a bag thing on the front door for them to picked up notes I have signed.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 11/09/2012 20:10

There wasn't anything to pack at primary, other than keys and phone (ds took himself to and from school and let himself in, Y6. Phone was useful for when he wanted to stop off at the park or whatnot on the way home. Cost a tenner).

Secondary is quite different. Three different sports kits, different books each day, packed lunch...

He's just packed his bag. Am resisting urge to check contents Wink

lljkk · 11/09/2012 20:11

y8 DS is supposed to remember his books (takes lots of nagging), I check the rest. On balance it's the best option for us, even if I do find it tedious (there are perhaps unusual circumstances for DS). I know from experience that DS would forget everything otherwise, have no money for train, consistently pack nothing or only 2 cereal bars for lunch, no pens (would expect to borrow them from mates), no water (would come home in a hysterical tirade from thirst), etc. I suppose I could work towards giving him a list of stuff to do, and try to help him find a routine time to ensure it all happens. But he'd still end up nagging me constantly at some no-doubt very inconvenient moment: "Where's the ham?! Where's the money?! Why don't we have any decent pens?! Where's the bread? Why do I have to do this when you still pack everything for him (reception DS)" etc. And still not bother to fill his water bottle. Easier to just do it myself.

DC2 has been completely self-sufficient & actually double checks anything I pack, tirades at me if she disapproves, since I dunno, start of yr5 probably.

SomePeopleSayImBonkers · 11/09/2012 22:23

My DS started Y7 last week and he packs his own bag. We already went through the routine before he started. Come in...10-15 min break (or so), complete any homework set, pack bag for next day, then any other time left is for whatever he wants to do.

So far, he's only had 30 mins of homework. At the beginning of week 2, he's using his timetable I've put on his wardrobe door to check he has what he needs. I prompt him to make sure he's packed his bag by checking with his timetable. Also have to prompt about mobile and bus money, but he's already picking this up now. He also double checks another copy of his timetable that he carries around with him in his blazer pocket (a top tip from school!) every morning.

He has never been the most organised child. If you ask him a question about if he's done something, the usual response is "I dunno".

The biggest thing with the transition from primary to secondary is the level of independence placed on them by school. We need to make sure that we promote this at home too. As others have said, I'll prompt and support but ultimately, it's his responsibility....and he knows the consequences!

How will they learn if they aren't given a chance?

FrameyMcFrame · 11/09/2012 22:25

No, I ask DD to make sure it's packed in the evening. It's her own responsibility.

exoticfruits · 11/09/2012 22:33

Your mistake was doing it from the start. Get the timetable on the wall and tell him to do it the night before. If he won't - say 'fine- your decision' and keep out of it- it isn't your problem. I bet he won't go without it packed - if he does he will have to take the consequences. I would use my favourite saying 'what did your last servant die of?'

WilfSell · 11/09/2012 22:48

DS1 Y9 has always packed own bag too since about Y4. In fact, he has devised his own organisation solution to this by carrying absolutely everything he needs around with him at all times ...Hmm and goes nuts if I go anywhere near his bag. He learned V quickly after the second week when he got detention for forgetting his PE kit and I refused to drive it in, being at work and all...

lirael · 11/09/2012 23:01

Ds1 is packing his own bag, with the help of a checklist - but I have to admit I've been sneakily checking it when he isn't aroundBlush.

BackforGood · 11/09/2012 23:07

Shock Shock shock]
I've heard it all now. I've not packed my dcs bags since they started school! (As in Reception, at 4, not secondary)

I'm not surprised he's overwhelmed if he's never been expected to do anything for himself. Do you wipe his nose for him too ?

5madthings · 11/09/2012 23:11

i havent EVER packed a school bag, i will tell them/remind them what they need when little but my elder two who are 10 and 13 pack their own with no input from me.

ds3 is 7 and packs his own, i reminded him to get his swimming kit for tomorrow as he needs it and even my ds4 who is 4 and has just started reception gets his own book bag and puts his packed lunch and drinks bottle in his bag, i tell him too of course but why on earth is a child not capable of putting stuff in a bag?!

Jas · 11/09/2012 23:15

I have never packed bags for mine. I have taken in forgotten lunches more than once, as I don't want to have to pay for a lunch if she borrows the money (v tight budget), but if she forgets anything else she takes the consequences.

DD1 is now yr 9, and took a fair while to reliably remember everything.
DD2 is yr 7. She has always been the scatty, away with the fairies child, but lays her clothes out and packs her bag for the next day every evening.Shock So far, she is managing very well.