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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Year 7 - packing their school bag

115 replies

minesawine · 11/09/2012 09:44

Hi My DS started Yr 7 last week. So far I have been packing his school bag every night after consulting his daily timetable. I just wanted to check whether you are doing this for your DC, or do they pack their own bag.

I want my DS to pack his own bag, but if I don't do it then he wont. I will give it one more week then he is on his own.

Am I being mean?

OP posts:

Mitchdafish · 14/09/2012 22:28

My DS is coming home from Yr 7 so wrung out I am helping with his bag some days, others if he is upbeat getting him to do it, then quietly checking. He's been rather in shock -everything overwhelming - and I'm happy to support him and ease off as time goes by. He is doing so much so well already.

VivaLeBeaver · 17/09/2012 07:54

Well I've been strong and it hasn't gone well.

DD rang up this morning from the bus stop in tears. She's forgotten her planner. I drove to the busstop with it but the buses were just leaving.

She rang up hysterical from the bus begging me to take it to school and I said no. She says she doesn't know what lessons she's meant to be in and reckons she'll be in a lot of trouble and maybe a detention.

Oh well, I suppose she'll be more careful in the future!

seeker · 17/09/2012 08:33

No harm in reminding- I even do that for my 6th former "got your phone/purse/keys?"

Viva- if you were feeling kind you could text her the lessons she's got. At least then she'll be in the right place at the right time.

VivaLeBeaver · 17/09/2012 10:22

She's not got her phone with her either. She borrowed someone's to ring me. We got cut off and I tried ringing back but the phone is off.

PropositionJoe · 17/09/2012 11:15

Stable doors and all that - but mine have a copy of their timetable in their blazer pocket, so even when they don't have their planner they have their timetable. For today, she can follow her classmates to lessons, can't she?

VivaLeBeaver · 17/09/2012 11:49

Copy of timetable in her blazer pocket is a good idea, will sort that.

They're very mixed up for lessons - so she goes to registrarion first but then everyone in her tutor group go different ways. Depends which band and what stream you're in, which language you have, etc. So she can't follow anyone. I'm sure her tutor will sort it.

bubby64 · 17/09/2012 12:46

Tried to be hard on my 2 today as well, but just got stressed out myself as I found they had both not checked their bags last night after assuring me they had, and they were both runing around like headless chickens trying to find planners (one on the stairs, one on the living room coffee table) home work (in the printer) and shin pads (in the bathroom[huh!]) It just messed up DH and I both getting to work in a calm mood, as well as the start of their school day.

PropositionJoe · 17/09/2012 13:04

And repeat -
Bags in the hall the night before
Timetable
Planner
Pencil case
Phone

And repeat -
And repeat

timetosmile · 17/09/2012 13:11

Liak many on this thread with new yr 7s, I am making sure DS packs it himself the night before and then having a sneaky look through to check, when putting his packed lunch in it in the morning! He's only had one mistake which was when I told him the wrong things to wear to gym class
He told his teacher 'It was my Mum's fault' and apparently I will be in detention if i do it again
I'm really heartened bu how all the staff seen to be very understanding of what a big transition it is for them.

steppemum · 17/09/2012 13:23

my dd is year 3 and ds is year 5.
I help dd make sure she has her reading book and lunch, she puts them in her bag.
I ask ds if he has everything (and will remind him he has football club etc, although he usually remembers) He packs his own bag. I also expect him to drop letters off in the school post box. All about teaching him responsibility.

I cannot imagine packing their bags at year 7! I would help by choosing a time (before bed, after homework finished, before you are allowed on your ds etc) and I would help with comments (which lessons do you have? have you checked against your timetable?) I would make sure said timetable is stuck up somewhere it can't get lost and I would help if they asked. But no, it is up to them, part of being year 7.

If he won't, then he will presumably get detention. then he will learn to do it.

twoterrors · 17/09/2012 13:33

A word of encouragement to those of you with scatty yr 7 children.

I have a 16 year old who used to be hopelessly disorganised - if the bag somehow got packed, it then often got lost. Neither the school or I felt being tough and letting her become anxious or hysterical about possible punishments would help. She was trying her best, but her best was heart-sinkingly bad: with a bit of time and effort, we gradually sorted out systems. She has now gone into the sixth form, doing well academically, and well organised and self sufficient. Most of her scatty friends also seem to be much more on top of things.

So, IME, if you feel the tough approach is not the one for your child, for whatever reason and especially if they are finding year 7 hard going or are prone to anxiety or panic, the gentle(r) one can also work!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 17/09/2012 14:12

Thank you for that, terrors.

By modelling that behaviour, you've taught your child about being helpful and kind as well as helping her to organise herself.

The tough approach really isn't the right one for all children, and lending a helping hand doesn't mean they'll grow up to be helpless.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 17/09/2012 14:14

Ummm, rather overdid the "help" there. Sorry

VivaLeBeaver · 17/09/2012 15:37

Well dd doesn't appear to have come home on the school bus. Do I presume she has a detention? I have no idea if they do/should ring to let me know she's got a detention.

There is a detention/after school club school bus so she'll be able to get home if thats what's happened.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 17/09/2012 15:47

Oh dear. Aren't they meant to let you know - or at least let you daughter text you to say she'll be late?

VivaLeBeaver · 17/09/2012 16:16

She's home. Didn't have a detention after all.

Groovee · 17/09/2012 16:19

Mine have packed their own bags since P3. Dd is in first year and it's her responsibility to deal with her own bag.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 17/09/2012 16:30

Oh good, viv. Was she OK?

I had my first phone call from the school this afternoon. The one that starts "Hello Jenai, Marrham School here. There's no need to worry..." that makes a billion horrible scenarios flash through your mind simultaneously (injury, sickness, been hit, hit someone else...).

He's fine btw - just a bit of a tumble at lunch. He didn't even cry! A year ago it would have been a major meltdown.

twoterrors · 17/09/2012 16:36

Thank you Jenai, I hope so!

VivaLeBeaver · 17/09/2012 16:40

She was OK thanks. Teacher wasn't too bothered about lack of planner and told her you only get a detention if you persistently forget it.

bubby64 · 17/09/2012 17:09

Thank you terrors, I think I am going to go back to the "check the night before" routine, if just to save my sanity before I come to work! They have always been dis-organised, despite much encoragement from both us, school, scouts, young farmers, church etc, and, although it is a lot better (belive me, this is better!) they stll have a long way to go, and it is not suddenly get perfect overnight, just because they have started High School!
Viva - glad your DD was ok, Jenai- a fall without meltdown is a result!

bubby64 · 17/09/2012 17:11

Sorry, terrible grammer there, blame the Ipod screen!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 17/09/2012 17:31

I am stunned at how much he (and his friends) have changed over the past year. I know everyone says it, but until you see it for yourself it's difficult to imagine those little Y6s being big enough to handle secondary in a year's time. And (touch wood) they are.

with a bit of bag packing help

twoterrors · 17/09/2012 18:53

It definitely won't get better just because they are starting secondary school - there are so many more things to lose and forget! And they get so tired I think.

Things we found helpful were family list-making (we still do this together before the start of term, say, so we all know what is going on), and making big copies of school timetables and then writing in everything that needs checking each night too (FT ingredients, PE kit, vocab for test etc) so absolutely everything is on one bit of paper, which we put up somewhere prominent.

Sometimes, I think schools and parents say "be more organised", "plan your time", "use your planner" and a scatty child needs much more specific instructions than that, like "write down everything you need to put in your bag on Monday night and then every Monday tick off every item as you put it in". Seems obvious but it isn't to everyone, and they then build up strategies that work for them.

I also suggested paring down what they need until they stop losing things. Lovely colouring pencils can wait.

TunaPastaBake · 17/09/2012 19:59

As we are now into week 3 - DS packs his own bag and I sneakily check after he has gone to bed .

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