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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Year 7 - packing their school bag

115 replies

minesawine · 11/09/2012 09:44

Hi My DS started Yr 7 last week. So far I have been packing his school bag every night after consulting his daily timetable. I just wanted to check whether you are doing this for your DC, or do they pack their own bag.

I want my DS to pack his own bag, but if I don't do it then he wont. I will give it one more week then he is on his own.

Am I being mean?

OP posts:
bubby64 · 18/09/2012 08:06

Almost disaster this morning, we all overslept, boys were in an utter panic they would miss the bus and , horror of horrors, be late fot school! A rush to get dressed, breakfast eaten and lunches made, then out the door! "This is why I make you put everything out ready and check the night before!" I said, and I actually got a quick hug and thanks from the two of them, maybe the message is getting through!!!Grin

DogsCock · 18/09/2012 11:58

I pack ds's bag every day.

He would never be able to cope with remembering what to put in. I have to check he has done his homework too. He is very forgetful.

seeker · 18/09/2012 12:07

Dogscock- is he NT? If not, you are doing him no favours. Do you want him to be an independent man- or are you expecting to hand him over to another woman to look after him when he leaves home?

seeker · 18/09/2012 12:08

If so, not if not, obviously.

changejustforyou · 18/09/2012 21:35

I showed him the second or third day, how to look at the time table and then get the required books....and forgot his geography book. Ds has packed his bag himself ever since

VivaLeBeaver · 18/09/2012 21:56

Dd left to catch the bus this morning, couldn't find her pass and came home. I found her pass in her bag, it's meant to be in her blazer. Missed the bus and I had to take her in.

teacherwith2kids · 18/09/2012 22:35

Dogslock - My DS (not entirely NT) is expected to

  • Get his own breakfast
  • Lock up the house as he leaves (last one out)
  • Take himself to various after school activities e.g. music lessons at his teacher's house.
  • Do his homework when he arrives home.
  • Pack his bag for the next day.

I usually arrive home from work somewhere during or just after the homework stage.

Children rise - or sink - to your expectations of them. DS is, by a short head, probably the most independent of his peers, but that is because he has needed to be. As an 8 year old he was heading off all over the country with his team to play football, and needed to manage kit, food, stuff for the journey etc. The thought that I might pack his bag for him at 11 is laughable.

KitKatGirl1 · 18/09/2012 22:40

Ds (just started yr 7) is autistic and organisation is one of his weakest areas. However, I have made him pack his own bag since day one - but with supervision and he seems to have got it now (though was throwing in his dictionary and thesaurus ever day so had to stop that!). But....on days when he's been especially tired or had lots of homework, I've said 'I'll repack your bag tonight as a treat" so he knows it's an exception not the rule.

We did get round after the first week to using the plastic popper wallets as recommended by school and on here; one for each subject (so exercise bk, textbk and loose papers all kept together - though MFL dictionaries are too fat). Not only helpful for bag packing but ds says he can leave his rucksack in his locker and just take the relevant folder (plus planner and pencil case) to each lesson. (They are allowed to go to their lockers between lessons which helps). Would recommend other disorganised dcs use a similar set of wallets to help.

I think the posters mentioning their primary aged dcs packing their own bags are being a little harsh - it's not a fair comparison at all. Packed lunch and a reading record/1 homework book is not really comparable to all the equipment needed at secondary?

teacherwith2kids · 18/09/2012 22:44

KitKat,

Like you, we have a folder system to help DS manage his stuff - and equally, he manages me by presenting me with the infamous 'blue folder' which contains 'THINGS MUM NEEDS TO DO'...

BellaVita · 18/09/2012 22:44

All of you checking this and checking that are doing your child NO favours whatsoever.

I had a parent ring in yesterday wanting ME to find out about after school football training for her son. Err no! He needs to go and find out about it himself.

KitKatGirl1 · 18/09/2012 22:52

Ha ha teacher, that made me chuckle.

Ds also has a folder for 'messages and envelopes to hand in' but has occasionally forgotten about those so I think I need to get an A5 one to differentiate it from the A4 ones for school books - a tweak in the system!

I agree with twoterrors that sometimes more specific instructions/advice are needed to help make them independent. All children have their strengths and weaknesses and it is not just down to the expectations we have of them as parents but also their own natural abilities. You wouldn't tell a child who can't read to just 'get on with it' but would employ all the strategies you could to help them become independent readers (likewise neither would you continue to read to them forever and tell them it doesn't matter that they can't do it themselves). It's the same with organisation; if it doesn't come easily, help, advise and strategise but don't either do it for them or leave them to sink. IMHO.

singersgirl · 18/09/2012 22:58

Well, it's not an either or, is it? Just because some parents give their children some support with admin in the first few weeks of secondary school doesn't mean that they are not encouraging independence - just more gradually. There's no immutable law of nature that decrees if you help your child in any way once they change school they'll never lead an independent life. Some children in y7 are 12 already, some only just 11. Some are going to school with lots of primary friends, some know no- one. Some can walk, some have complicated journeys. Some have joined schools where half the year group already know each other. I can judge how much my son can take on at once. I don't pack his bag, but I'm happy to give him a verbal checklist. I'm pretty sure he'll need less and less reminding as the term goes on.

KitKatGirl1 · 18/09/2012 23:06

Exactly my point singersgirl though you put it much better than me (that many children will need help somewhere in the middle?)

You wouldn't leave a child who can't read or do maths to learn how to do it for themselves. My child finds his algebra homework really easy but not remembering to hand it in. Horses for courses. (At least helping supervise his bag packing is cheaper than a tutor!)

Adversecamber · 18/09/2012 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 18/09/2012 23:13

i already said on this thread i have never packed my boys bags. right from starting in reception, ds4 is four and has just started and already sorts his stuff in the morning. and no its not the same when they are little and dont have as much to remember obviously. but ime if you start them.doing it when they are little they get used to it and the amount of stuff they need to remember grows as they get older so.high school isnt such a big leap. haver never had to sort out the stuff ds1 needs for high school, he was used to doing it and just looks at his timetable the night before and sorts it. they are capable at this age and more so.if you have encouraged them.to take on the responsibility from a younger age. (children with sn may have different needs in this respect)

seriously they are the ones going to.school, its their responsibility, reminders yes when younger, packing their bag for them, hell no!

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