Staying at home once all the children are at school?

[3boysandadog23]

From September all my children, 9, 7 and 4 will be at school. I have been a sahm with very small bits of work done over the last 9 years. My husband and I have decided that although I will go back to work at some point, I will have a year or 2 of all the kids being at school, making the most of keeping on top of things and enjoying being there for the children and making my husbands life easier too.

For those other parents that do this, how do you find it? I am concerned that I will end up feeling like just the maid of the house whilst my husband has an important career. I love doing what I do, and wouldn’t want it the other way round, but equally feel my confidence has really been affected by being a sahm.

Thank you!

Do you have work/ a career go back to? Could you spend a year or two training part time?

im not in your position but will be a sahm with kids in school/nursery in September. I’ve left teaching and I’m not sure I’ll return. My vague plan is to mainly stay home (the days are short in reception!) but do a few hours per day that fit with my kids. Longer term I plan to retrain with a masters and then work for myself.

I’m also concerned that I don’t want to be the maid who is there to jump on what’s we needs doing. I want to keep something for myself too.

and making my husbands life easier too.

This is the crux of it, isnt it? Shudder.

I’m a teacher too. I loved it but can’t see myself going back to classroom teaching. Ideally I would like to stay teaching home schooled children/adults in the day but not sure how feasible that is.

I’m in a slightly different position in that I have to be a sahm because dc have autism and I suppose I’m more of a carer. But I have had 3 volunteer roles over the last decade doing marketing, fundraising and event management so that I’ve kept up some commercial skills and got an up to date cv and references. So I’d recommend you have something for you.

I really do want to make my husbands life easier…. But also… sometimes it goes too far and having to tidy up every last little thing after him drives me mad… however I find it hard to know the right balance when he’s bringing in all the money. Picking up his pants off the floor feels like one step too far though..

What about your independence? Work ethic? Showing an example of this to your children? What about the challenge of having something else to focus on other than making your husband’s life easier?
honestly you should use this time to obviously be there after school for your kids, but maybe do a course, gain a qualification, get work expert or volunteer.
you never know what the future might hold, and keeping a foot in the door of the working world will hold you in good stead.

Why would you want to go back to work? 😩

Not in the same position unfortunately, but I don’t think what you are doing is to be sniffed at. Remaining a SAHP whilst children are in primary school makes a lot of sense - drop offs, pick ups, sick days, the half terms. They are all
difficult to work around.
Volunteer at the school - go in so the children can read to you, help supervise swim lessons and school trips.
would the odd bit of tutoring work also?

This sounds lovely to me, I'd love to avoid wraparound, let kids do whatever after school activities they fancied, get on top of life, have the holidays off, relax a bit after years of doing the gruelling work of raising little ones.

Does your husband do much, as going back to work one day will be hell if he's apparently incapable of doing a school run or cooking a meal. I'd be looking at some study or volunteering that would remove you from the default parent position at least a day a week to help.

It was brilliant.

But in my house everyone puts their clothes in the wash basket and makes their bed. I never picked up after my husband. That would imply that he left stuff everywhere, which he didn’t. Of course neither him nor my kids are perfect and words were said occasionally but yep, we all rubbed along ok. And stuff like emptying the dishwasher, giving the floor a quick sweep…it’s not like he never did anything at all.

That’s my plan too in the next few years

Does your LA have any roles for 1:1 tutors for children on EOTAS packages?

That would use your skills, forming around having 3 school aged children, continue being term time etc.

And no, picking up his pants isn’t part of your job as a SAHP.

I would suggest before all 3 children start school you have a family meeting with rules.

For example when you get in from school/ work you do XYAnd Z.

Where laundry is put if you want it washed.

Otherwise you risk becoming maid to all 3 children as well because whilst they at school it magically happens!

You could look for a local AP provider, the two I know have qualified teachers as part of their staff

My youngest is starting school in September and I will continue to be a sahm. She had been in a school nursery (although not full time) so I've had a taste of life as a sahm with dcs in school. I am pretty happy with the decision and being a sahm hasn't affected my confidence at all. I am the default parent but DH doesn't leave everything to me (he sometimes will wfh while I take one child to an activity during his work hours, and he attends every school performance, sports event and parent meeting as we chose the school and our home to be close to his office).

For myself I feel the need for new challenges and I will be involved in some unpaid projects that were on the back burner while the dcs were small, and I've also enrolled in an OU degree (for a personal interest, it may lead to a career but it's fine if it doesn't). I don't feel I need to work to have an identity (and I'm lucky that I don't need it for financial security).

He leaves his dirty pants on the floor for you to pick up?! Wtf. You’re supposed to be at the home for the kids not so he can avoid being a normal functioning adult that knows where the laundry basket is. This is not a great example to be setting your kids in all honesty, from either of you, mostly him for doing it and expecting it of you but also you for picking up after him.

But in answer to your actual Q, I had an extended mat leave and honestly I lasted a term of both at school/school nursery FT and then I was really bored. I didn’t want to be doing the lions share of the cleaning, with the kids out of the picture day to day, who were why I’d taken the extra time, I’d much rather be working and get a cleaner. The extra money has been nice too!

It feels a step too far because leaving pants lying around for your wife to pick up is downright disrespectful. He's showing you what he thinks of you.

Can you pick up some supply hours here and there or do some tutoring?

Although he can be a bit lazy and leave his stuff around sometimes, he really does do whatever he can around work to help with the children/ house. We often do the school run together or he will do the occasional drop off or pick up. Annoyingly (not really annoying at all) he’s also a brilliant cook, better than me (!) so he really does contribute as well. But his work is likely to get more and more demanding as he gets higher up roles. I think I will think about starting a little bit of day time teaching from January if I can find anyway, to give me a bit of purpose

I teach secondary science, I now work in AP 9:30-2:30 with 1-1 or small groups to allow me to do drop offs and pick ups for my Primary age DD. The money is rubbish but it’s an absolute doddle compared to mainstream.

I’m on site (some students on site some online) but at least one of our tutors is fully online from home, as far as I know all our tutors are qualified teachers, from primary to secondary core subjects, plus some delivery of functional skill courses. Definitely worth checking out.

I think that sounds sensible. Doesn't have to interfere with your time with your children, but always a good idea to keep your hand in and have something outside of the home, even if it's just a few hours a week.

You could do some supply work?

@PolkadotsAndRoses supply is a good idea. Though the thought of it is quite terrifying, especially after not teaching a class for nearly 10 years… but maybe wouldn’t be as bad as I imagine.

thank you for all these ideas everyone!

My mum did this, and she found she had ample time … over the years she was variously Treasurer for the PTA, school governor, Arkela at Scouts, a St John’s Ambulance volunteer, did volunteer reading with the remedial kids at school, ran the Church Sunday School for 14 years, sang in the Church choir, was a part-time flower arranger, a lunchtime supervisor, a 1:1 support for a poor little boy who was fed through a tube, she knitted for the local hospital charity and went door-to-door with cash envelopes for Christian Aid once a year. She ran a baby-sitting circle among her friends. She also managed a huge 130 foot garden with a massive fruit and vegetable plot.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten some.

As role models go, my mum was somewhat intimidating. It was almost impossible to go shopping in our town without someone trying to hug her or tell her their latest news.

My point is: you can easily fill your time. I think your plan sounds brilliant and I wouldn’t worry. Boredom is the mother of all creativity after all!

So some volunteering in a school. As well as giving you something to do for yourself it will give you a feel for what it's like in the classroom now and help you decide if you want to go back without any commitment.
I'm not sure how supply could work for you, do you have someone who could do school runs whilst your traveling?

If you’re both happy with it and can afford it go for it.

I did it for about 18mths (worked the odd day) I am fitter now than ever as I have the energy to work out. The house is tidier and my mental health is better. I do need routine though so am quite strict with myself because I know I struggle if I sit for long period etc. I call it being kind to future me even when I don’t want to do it. I’m about to go back to work full time and I know I’m going to end up eating worse, being stressed etc and I’m dreading it. I need to get my pension pot up but you’re likely younger than me (do check though)

If there is even a hint if your OH being a liar or abusive though this advice doesn’t stand and you should get back into the employment game and improve your earning potential asap.