Staying at home once all the children are at school?

[3boysandadog23]

From September all my children, 9, 7 and 4 will be at school. I have been a sahm with very small bits of work done over the last 9 years. My husband and I have decided that although I will go back to work at some point, I will have a year or 2 of all the kids being at school, making the most of keeping on top of things and enjoying being there for the children and making my husbands life easier too.

For those other parents that do this, how do you find it? I am concerned that I will end up feeling like just the maid of the house whilst my husband has an important career. I love doing what I do, and wouldn’t want it the other way round, but equally feel my confidence has really been affected by being a sahm.

Thank you!

Actually, your DH is treating you worse (less respectfully) than my family treat our cleaner. We have a cleaner once a week and we (not just me, all of us!) tidy everything up and put our things away before she comes so that she can clean properly. None of us leave dirty underwear on the floor for her!

Yes you can make his life easier by taking a bigger share of the housework but you are not there to pick up after your husband whether he earns the money or not.

@itstrue It works if dh is a high earner because you have the wealth behind both of you. He’s only earned this because you did everything else! Definitely the case with me. My earnings would have been somewhat irrelevant! But if dh is not a very high earner, women need to think about what they might need and keep some work as an option. My DDs went to boarding school and few mums worked full time. A few kept going as doctors and executives but many played golf (sports) and did not work for money.

When you say “my husband and I have decided” surely that implies you are happy with the arrangement. If so, why are you aisking questions about being a maid?

@Morningbee Of course I expect my husband to do an equal amount of housework and childcare. In fact, he does all of the cooking. I wouldn't accept a partner who didn't share it equally. But then I wouldn't expect not to share the financial burden too.

Thats great that’s how it works for you and your both happy with that arrangement but equally there are many couples for whom one partner takes on more of the financial share of things and the other the household and childcare side of things. Sometimes it’s because they prefer it that way and sometimes it’s consensually accommodating the one partner’s preferences. I think as long as both are happy enough with the arrangement and both are left with the same amount of free time and resources then can’t see what the problem is in the equality stakes. In reality research has found that in many cases even women who work full time are left with a significantly higher proportion of the care of the house and children