Staying at home once all the children are at school?

[3boysandadog23]

From September all my children, 9, 7 and 4 will be at school. I have been a sahm with very small bits of work done over the last 9 years. My husband and I have decided that although I will go back to work at some point, I will have a year or 2 of all the kids being at school, making the most of keeping on top of things and enjoying being there for the children and making my husbands life easier too.

For those other parents that do this, how do you find it? I am concerned that I will end up feeling like just the maid of the house whilst my husband has an important career. I love doing what I do, and wouldn’t want it the other way round, but equally feel my confidence has really been affected by being a sahm.

Thank you!

@99bottlesofkombucha But my point is you can do that and work. Easily.

@FunPartyIdeaswhere did I say that children can only achieve if one parent stays home? You've completely made that up!
What I said was if the sahp is well educated, they will be able to support their own dc education and foster a love of learning. They will also find it easier to rebuild a career should the need arise.

I have done this for 13 years. No regrets at all and I’m not sure my husband would be able to do the job he does if I hadn’t been a sahp. It certainly made things easier. I did some volunteer work whilst being a sahp and this has massively helped me to very recently get back into employment with no issues. It is only a short time when they are little and I would make the most of it. I have no regrets. X

Not everyone wants to play housewife forever 😂 she wants her own life too 💕

What is happening with your pension? Unless this is being maxxed out I would not consider it.

I'd also have a discussion about what will happen when you do go back to work. For example, will DH take over handling all sick days for the DC for the first 6-12 months while you re-establish yourself and make it easier for you to get back into the workforce and be taken seriously? Will he be able to continue to do now what he does when he gets higher roles? What will he do to make your life easier (picking up his dirty pants off the floor should be the bare minimum)

If he shows the slightest unwillingness to give you support to the level that he is expecting from you then I would go back now. Supply work is a great option. it gets your name out in the schools and then if any teacher adjacent role comes up then you have more chance of getting it. It's also a good way to see what is out there without making any commitment.

This is what you said, I read it For example, you don't need a degree to be a SAHP. I wouldn't be very impressed if I'd worked my bum off to support my daughter to get solid set of qualifications, go to a good university etc, for her to decide she was going to be a permanent SAHM. I'd see it as a complete waste of both effort and money.
for what it’s worth, my mum had a bachelors degree, didn’t work for 20 years after having children, then she did half of a certification, got a job and had a solid job for the next 20 years. Your judgement says more about you than it does about sahms.

I was a sahp until DS was 5 I now work part time. I’ve found it helpful to have a routine. I drop kids off , go to gym (I have a health condition so working out really helps me) come home do the dishwasher/, laundry , have lunch and prep the tea. Then I will do a house hold task - bathrooms, admin, dusting etc. I have a sit down and read/paint/watch tv for around half an hour before I go pick kids up.
Some days I visit my parents/ meet a friend for coffee instead of doing housework. It’s strange but it’s really easy to fill the day.

I would definitely look into online tutoring/ working with home school kids. Or possibly teaching a course in higher education. It would be a lot easier to fit around your kids .

Get a job. Get your independence back. Pay a cleaner.

I wouldn’t. I did this. It ended badly. Make sure you are financially independent. Always.

And why do you tidy up after your husband? You’re not his maid and he should tidy up after himself.

Maybe bringing in more money would make all your lives easier?

I always found the best of both worlds is a very part time job, stayed 2 days a week when kids started school and life felt well balanced with just enough time for a decent work life balance. However wasn’t for long as ended up having another baby. but then meant working through the pregnancy and returning to work wasn’t so bad, as now in 40s also feels more sustainable as get older

sounds like it may be easier for you to work in a school possibly than others

think of your pension op

While you're making up your mind, make sure that you have a pension in place and it is being paid into ad a household expense. This is so important.

DH can pay into a pension for you. Also don’t dismiss having a cleaner - running a home: /garden can expand to fill the day easily.
Someone cleaning through all the floors while you ? Teach will make you feel less of a dogsbody.

sonething to consider… your username implies that are a mother to boys. If there are no other women/girls in the house, and you are planning to stay at home - please do not let yourself be treated like a doormat. I know three families with only boys where the mum stayed at home and honestly it makes me wince sometimes the expectation that the mum does everything even now the boys are grown men.
I know this isn’t a problem that is exclusively about boys, but just something I have observed.

To not be dependent on a man? Also what happens if he becomes unwell, (or, unlikely I know, leaves you) and can't work? You need a plan B which is you and him swapping roles. Have you got a pension sorted.

I went back part time after our first child but didn’t like it. After our second child I decided to stay home. Our youngest is 18 this year and I’ve never gone back to work.

I have my own income though and all money has always been accessible to both of us. Although I did a lot of the things that needed doing in the house, my husband still did a lot when he wasn’t at work, both around the house and looking after the children, so I never felt like a maid. We also always had a cleaner and gardener.

My husband has a had a good career but has always felt that what I’ve done is valuable. When we look back now, we are both glad that I was always home for our children and do feel they’ve benefitted from it.

I never felt my confidence was impacted by being a SAHM though whereas you say you feel yours has been, so I think you do need to address that. Although I have been to uni and had a good career before children, I didn’t get my confidence from that.

Remember your career isn't just about money/contribution to immediate household finances - it also gives confidence, satisfaction and insurance if down the line something awful happens and you do need your own income.

One of my friends has been a SAHM for 20 years since she was 22 and just found out her husband has been having an affair for 2 years. She is in a very vulnerable position- does she put up with it and keep her lifestyle or leave him

I’m SAHM / housewife youngest is 9 you will be surprised how quick the day goes. But give it a try if you don’t like it go back to work .
your husband should not be treating you like a maid because you are a SAHM and I wouldn’t be picking up dirty boxers of the floor . Your his wife not maid

My eldest is 19, the others 16, 10 and 9. I love being at home for everyone. I also study part time with the OU (started when youngest started primary school aged 5) and half way through my degree course now. I study October til May each year. It fits in well with three of my children who have additional needs and family life in general. DH has never mentioned anything about a return to work and says he just wants me to be happy.

I enjoy watching Poldark in peace when everyone's out the house!

To add that I also have a degree which I obtained before meeting DH. And a career. So I have been in the workforce before having my first aged 24.

This sounds ideal. A few of my teacher friends do this (home tuition) and it fits in really well with the family. However, it’s not as well paid as working in a school. Why don’t you look at doing some supply teaching? You could specify which days you want to be available for, and the area you’re prepared to travel to.

Be very careful of this. You will become the default thinker/doer of all house/adulting/children related tasks.

Then when you go back to work you may find it much, much harder to get a fairvdivide back....particularly of the mental load.

My biggest concern about stepping out of the workforce is how the world of work has changed; how competitive it now is, how tech is changing things rapidly & the fact so many more women are keeping a toe in.I think it makes stepping back in very hard. Obviously if you’re wealthy & have loads of investments & insurance etc it’s not an issue.

Just enjoy your life if that's what you want. I think what's annoying to others is all this trying to justify it.

OP - you don’t say what age you taught as a teacher. If you were secondary, perhaps look for part time roles in schools you’d like your dcs to go to.

In our area there’s lots of 2 or 3 days a week jobs going for teachers, often those who’ve had to return to work after having dcs want part time so job shares are needed.