What do you do when you're very ill & DP won't take time off work?

[1t6y9o]

Just that really. Hypothetical situation but very interested to hear how people cope as it's something I'm incredibly anxious about.

1 yr old and 4 yr old. No family nearby. Husband can't take time off. New area so acquaintances rather than friends to call on. What would you do if you were violently ill with continuous v&d lasting all day and extremely weak the next day? Pretty incapable of looking after children, preparing meals etc.

Anyone been in this situation? How did you handle it?

You just get through as best you can really.

I've been in some awful situations - glandular fever, shingles, severe asthma (not all together!) and my dh can't take time off work as we need the money (low income family and he wouldn't get paid) and we also have a disabled dc. I just muddle through, lots of screen time for kids and lots of snacks. It sucks.

Not exactly the same but DH and I both came down with extreme case of noro when the DC were 3 and 1 (the kids didn't get it that time so were bouncing around as normal).

I'm not going to lie to you, it wasn't fun, although we can laugh about it now. My enduring memory is of us both crawling along the kitchen floor, too weak to stand up! Somehow we made it through (I think it involved leaving CBeebies on from dawn until dusk and the kids eating lots of toast as that's all we could manage to make)

I had this today and a neighbour who I have only known for a few weeks took my one year old to play with her children for a few hours and fed her-it was heaven as I got some sleep. Sometimes you just have to ask for help- I find fellow stay at home parents really kind and they know they may need the favour back one day !

I once vomited all night long, then got up and looked after the baby on my own til 7pm. I have never been too ill to look after the DC, I find you just manage. Lots of DVDs and beans on toast helps. But - I have hurt my back and been unable to look after them. I couldn't lift the baby so DH had to stay home.

Lay on sofa , feed the kids junk and whatever gets delivered in your area and let the TV/ iPad babysit .

Would expect him to get up extra early make bottles, drinks, sandwiches check enough ready made snacks and fruit. Get kids up, nappy changed and dressed. Leave you on sofa with tray of food and pillows and blanket.

Worth looking at babysitting agencies and get registered so if you were ill maybe get someone in for the afn and you can go back upstairs to rest. I would not expecting him to swan out the door without doing anything to help get you through the day.

I had to manage too. Many a time have had to take the kids to school with a sick bag...DH only managed a week off for major operations. Other illness Inc novoviris, tonsilitis, flu etc I was on my own with 5 DC.

It's awful but possible. I have done it with 3 under 3. Used the TV to entertain them. Kept a vomiting bucket and duvet in the living room. Get your DH to prepare them sandwiches etc before he goes to work if you can't face looking at food. I didn't think of this at the time but it is a good idea.

Can't take time off or won't. There are very few roles where a partner can't have time off if you are completely disabled.
In nearly 15 years as a parent I can count on one hand when this has been an issue. Most of the time you can muddle through. But with a tiny baby when you are so ill you can't stand? He takes time off.

It's easier in some ways when they are under school age so you can stay in all day. The school run or nursery run can be awful.

Lie on the sofa and let them play the iPad all day and eat cheerios from bowls on the floor. That's how unmanaged the last time. It was truly grim though.

My DH can't take time off work and couldn't when they were small.

Had ds2 At 27 weeks; waters broke in a high risk pg. Message sent to DH's clerk who bundled him into cab. He met his son before he died.

15 months prev, I caught influenza from ds1. Think temp of 105, delirious. DH had to book in a Locum nanny ad agree to pay loss of earnings for one week in case she caught it.

One has to find inner depths of resilience. Once or twice I pretended I was a single parent and had no option but to cope.

Been there . Vomiting feeling semi conscious, sleepy just barely alive. Give kids to, toys trash whatever ...

If they are small then make sure doors to kitchen he other rooms are shut/ blocked, coffee table has drinks and snacks on, wipes and nappies are to hand and then lay on the sofa and die while kids watch cbeebies.
If they are primary age then still lay on the sofa but kids can amuse themselves, make drinks and snacks.

I get the low income example but for the rest of you, what do your dhs do that is so necessary to keep the world turning?! Mine would have to stay home and I'd honestly think good riddance to a shit employer if he got fired for it. I'm not saying some of them don't have reasons (frankly I don't believe they all do), but am very curious as to what those reasons are.

I've done it.

Utterly incapacitating migraine, for a full 24h I was pretty much unable to move. DH had an unavoidable work event.

Ds was around 3yo, I lay on the sofa and put CBeebies on. Crawled to kitchen to get crisps and pop to feed him . Little bugger pissed on my wheat bag I was using as an icepack.

That's Gratitude for you.

Mine's a barrister. If there's a case in the High Court it isn't negotiable. He got an adjournment for two days when our baby died.

Most of the time, I get on with it. Basic children care only and let house collapse around us and text lists of stuff for DH to bring home with him after work.

With one exception, when I had flu. I managed to crawl downstairs to supervise the children but could stand. So I rang DH and said he needed to parent the children as I was too ill. He came straight home. Bless him.

Could not stand

My mum was incapable for one day when we were small. Just to say it may never happen.

You need a network of friends who may be able to do an hour or a couple of hours.

Why can't he take time off? I never understand these threads. They are his children too and his responsibility. If you are too ill to take care of them he needs to step up.

My DH wouldn't be able to take time off. He wouldn't get paid and works a security shift as a sole guard, so if he's not in the shift doesn't get covered. The company he works for is really small and doesn't have relief staff (he has to work his rest days to cover his colleague's annual leave). He has never taken a day sick himself since he started there 5 years ago even though he has been really unwell - he would be disciplined for it. It is awful and poor management but a job is a job. Easy to think good riddance to a poor employer when you are an asset to the job market, but an arthritic 60 year old would struggle to find alternative employment in a small town.

ohtheroses

I am a single parent, so it's slightly different, but you have to just cope. Ds was about 2 when We both had a horrendous sickness bug. I literally sat on his bed with a bowl for us both to puke into. I slept on the bathroom floor as I couldn't make it all the way back to my bed. We made it though!

I had a thread on here at the time and actually several mumsnetters offered to come and help me. So I guess even if you don't know anyone, there is always someone if you are truly in need.

Lovely vipers!

I do get the "you just have to cope" thing for many illnesses, but surely it depends on how ill you are, and how old the kids are?
A responsible 3 year old could watch cbeebies when mum has a migraine, but a 6 month old cannot be left with an incapacitated carer. Nor is it OK to leave children in the care of hospital staff for hours on end when their mother is hospitalised.
If being forced to "cope" means that your health deteriorates further, or if the children are in danger (small babies and mother slipping in and out of consciousness, for example) I really think that the dh should take time off. Yes, there may be some jobs where this is pretty much impossible, but they are the minority. And in these extreme cases, I think that the dh should do the ringing round trying to find a family member/neighbour/emergency nanny.
What if the partner had serious norovirus, or sepsis? Would they still go into work then? Because they are that indispensible it is impossible to take time off in any circumstances?

And if someone can't work when it is coming out of both ends and they keep passing out, how can someone else safely look after a tiny child?