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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner has gone away for a few days to a hotel with another woman

781 replies

desolate · 13/10/2009 12:25

Hi!

Is there anyone out there who can find a few kind words for me please?

I've been with my partner for four years and we've lived together for most of that. I will be 50 on 3rd November and was hoping for a surprise from my partner for my birthday. The surprise has come early.

About six weeks ago I saw him making furtive mobile calls and when I checked his mobile found several late night texts saying things like "I love you so much". I asked him about it and he told me without any concern for my reaction that they were from a woman he had dated 10 years ago and had recently refound on FaceBook. They'd met up since. He said that she was in the process of a divorce.

He's been getting behind at work recently so I've spent a few weekends helping in the office and I found a letter from her in which she said that she was staying with her husband (2nd one) because her kids needed to stay at their school but hoped N would wait for her. She said that fate had brought them together again and there was lots of undying love stuff.

I decided to do my best to repair my relationship and asked him what his plans were. He said he didn't know and was confused. I asked if he had plans to see her again soon and he said probably not.

He came home last night and said that our relationship was over and that he was heading off today to treat her to a hotel stay till Sunday, when he will come home, so that they could see how they got on - her husband thinks she's gone to see a girlfriend.

My world has fallen apart. Does anyone have a kind word for me or any advice as to how best to navigate such a painful situation. I will be really grateful. Thank you.

OP posts:
Jacksmamwahahaha · 19/10/2009 13:34

I hope she updates soon. [concerned]

Heated · 19/10/2009 15:59

Just checking to see if you are ok Desolate. Hope it's just a case of getting online at the new place.

gonnabehappy · 19/10/2009 22:10

Post if you get a chance - although I hope you are considering a namechange!!!!!

Hoping all is well

Jacksmamwahahaha · 20/10/2009 01:39

God, I watch too many crime shows. What if he's come home early and something bad's happened?

Sorry, I'm probably just being a twat

2rebecca · 20/10/2009 08:18

Suspect she doesn't have her own computer from previous posts. Buying one isn't going to be a priority.

diddl · 20/10/2009 11:33

I´m also hoping she just isn´t "connected up" yet!

Please let us know how you are,ASAP, Desolate

JustAnotherManicMummy · 20/10/2009 23:52

Hope you're ok OP

Doodlez · 21/10/2009 09:27

? How's it going?

NormaStanleyFletcher · 21/10/2009 10:58
Jacksmamwahahaha · 21/10/2009 14:49

[worried emoticon]

dittany · 21/10/2009 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ellieloooooooooooooween · 21/10/2009 16:22

Desolate hope you are ok.

Chickenshavenolips · 21/10/2009 16:27

Thinking of you Desolate.

NickNemo · 22/10/2009 16:58

Please update soon Desolate. Thinking of you!

MacaroonIncident · 22/10/2009 16:59

hes eaten her?

where is she
ot was it all ahem you know what

Jacksmamwahahaha · 22/10/2009 17:10

If this is another you-know-what I'm going to flounce cry.

inzidoodle · 22/10/2009 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

desolate · 22/10/2009 21:13

Just to let everyone know that I am OK.

OP posts:
Chickenshavenolips · 22/10/2009 21:15

Glad to hear it desolate

diddl · 22/10/2009 21:23

Phew!

Can relax now!

ScreamingMormolykeia · 22/10/2009 21:57

Did you manage to get everything out, I hope you don't have to go back and see him, he'd probably make you beg for your own stuff back, he's such a prize asswipe.

Hopefully he's too busy digging himself out of the shit at work for lying about needing time off though.

Does he know where your flat is, can he get there are make trouble for you?

I hope you are ok.

mangosTrickyrice · 22/10/2009 23:01

Ah desolate, glad to see you posting. Hope things haven't been too horrendous. xx

thesunshinesbrightly · 22/10/2009 23:38

I am not being funny but that was a short post, are we sure that was desolate? do you think her DH could of looked at her p.c history and posted that under her name, it was just a bit strange, no detail, no nothing!

Does anyone else feel that way or is it just me been silly?

AllGoneSouth · 23/10/2009 00:16

I thought it was a bit odd that the post popped up so quickly after Jacksmamma's comment

AllGoneSouth · 23/10/2009 00:17

to clarify - quickly as in number of posts not timewise.

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