Partner has gone away for a few days to a hotel with another woman

[desolate]

Hi!

Is there anyone out there who can find a few kind words for me please?

I've been with my partner for four years and we've lived together for most of that. I will be 50 on 3rd November and was hoping for a surprise from my partner for my birthday. The surprise has come early.

About six weeks ago I saw him making furtive mobile calls and when I checked his mobile found several late night texts saying things like "I love you so much". I asked him about it and he told me without any concern for my reaction that they were from a woman he had dated 10 years ago and had recently refound on FaceBook. They'd met up since. He said that she was in the process of a divorce.

He's been getting behind at work recently so I've spent a few weekends helping in the office and I found a letter from her in which she said that she was staying with her husband (2nd one) because her kids needed to stay at their school but hoped N would wait for her. She said that fate had brought them together again and there was lots of undying love stuff.

I decided to do my best to repair my relationship and asked him what his plans were. He said he didn't know and was confused. I asked if he had plans to see her again soon and he said probably not.

He came home last night and said that our relationship was over and that he was heading off today to treat her to a hotel stay till Sunday, when he will come home, so that they could see how they got on - her husband thinks she's gone to see a girlfriend.

My world has fallen apart. Does anyone have a kind word for me or any advice as to how best to navigate such a painful situation. I will be really grateful. Thank you.

OP, come back & let us know how you´regetting on!

bump

I take back my post on suspecting her DH wrote on here, i'm sorry i don't think desolate has gone anywhere hence - the quick post with no detail.

I hope i am wrong.

me too

interested to hear in how your getting on

eh? What's going on desolate? Have you not gone?

This is really weird

I don't think desolate has gone either

Oh God, I really hope this hasn't been a troll thread, I like funny ones, but this would be really bad. So many people have got so involved emotionally with this, I would be really disappointed if it all turned out to be some seedy wind up!

Desolate, please come and tell us what's going on?

Would be truly awful and sick if this was a troll. I don't think it is tbh but something really odd is going on.

Well, I suppose if Desolate is back in her flat, getting internet set up might not be at the top of her list, or she might not be able to get it done until the weekend if working?

No,I agree.

It was curious in it´s brevity?

But maybe I´m just too suspicious?

Have been keeping my eye on this thread since day one.

"I'm out of there safely", or "I've decided to give him another chance", would have been just as brief but more informative for those of us who are left wondering.

I felt a bit funny posting that it was a short post and maybe it was her DH, then i got thinking, it was a short post with no detail, maybe she is embrassed cause she didnt leave, i'm glad i am not on my own thinking this.

i hope she is ok.

I dont think she is a troll.

it is nothing too be ashamed of, please come back and let us know you are ok

I don't think she left him. I think she couldn't face leaving without seeing him.

I think she is probably too embarassed to come back on and say this. If you read this Desolate, please don't feel that way.

He is an appalling creep but I believe she loved him too much to just disappear without contact. She has her reasons and we have to respect them

Possibly she is still no better off through staying and hearing his excuses and is still needing help but feels awkward she didn't see it through.

That's my take on it FWIW...I wish you all the best Desolate and maybe you need more time to figure out what you really want to do.

Desolate pls talk to us

A very similar thing happened to me just over a year ago. Initially I was trusting and even understanding that he should want to meet an ex-girlfriend. Then however, I began to realise that someone who is capable of this level of deceit is someone who I could not live with.
Unlike you, I uncovered a whole world of further deception, but my advice to you would be to try very hard to realise that a man like this can never give you the love and reassurance that you need, and you are perhaps better off without him.
For me, I am also 50, with two relatively young sons, but I feel a huge amount of relief now living without the hurt and mistrust. I tried so hard to make him sure that he wanted me in the last 6 months of our marriage, but someone who is as self-centred as that will only hurt in the end.
Sorry to be blunt, and I hope for your sake that this is not the case, but I think you could be better off without him. Don't waste your time the way I did.
Be selfish and only do what you need for yourself now.

Come back Desolate, this may be Mumsnet but I doubt anyone will judge you!

Desolate I really hope you are ok, your last message was a bit strange, please talk to us

bump?