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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH just apologised for standing in the street screaming at me that i was a whore, in front of dcs

119 replies

feelingreallysadrightnow · 29/07/2009 23:22

DH has a temper, he is shouty. He is supposed to be working on it but is stressed and not doing so wellBut i think today crossed the line to totally unforgivable.

DD had a tantrum while out, a really bad one (temper runs in his family i think) so dh decided to put her outside car and pretend/start to drive off. This was next to a fast road (40mph dual carriageway)

I got out and strapped her in carseat, she was still screaming but was safe. DH was cross i had not supported him (i understand the sentiment but he was being silly and it was dangerous) He started shouting at me and criticising my parenting, so i got out of car and walked off

He drove off then came back, i said i wasnt going to get in if he was still talking like that, so he said fine walk home but take the kids

So i took buggy out boot strapped DS in and got DD, then he changed his mind and said he wanted ds annd this was dd's punishment for tantrumming, I wanted both kids as it was clear he was far from calm. As i wouldnt let DS go he starting screaming, still on busy road, at me calling me all names under the sun, A whore, a fucking bitch, a slag and just kept screaming give me my son

I was shocked, it was so crazy and surreal. We all came home in car as i didnt want to split the kids up am currently not speaking to dh

He just came and apologised for 'saying nasty things' but I am just left here thinking wtf?? and i cant believe he would do that, ity is just so humiliating. I was hoping at the time someone would call the police so i could just take kids it was that scary

OP posts:
msled · 29/07/2009 23:27

Oh my word. That sounds frightening and awful. How old are the children?

Original poster
feelingreallysadrightnow · 29/07/2009 23:28

3 and 1

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 29/07/2009 23:29

and what else has he done? cos i guess theres more....

whyme2 · 29/07/2009 23:29

That sounds an awful experience for you all. Don't know what to say . . . so sorry.

msled · 29/07/2009 23:30

He wanted to leave a screaming three year old by the side of a busy road?? He thought that was OK?
He needs to get help with his temper, urgently if he wants a marriage. Could you forgive him if he goes to the GP about this?

msled · 29/07/2009 23:31

Does he realise how completely wrong he was? THat a three year old in a panic is quite capable of running into the road and being killed? That leaving a three year old by the side of the road is a social services matter and you could lose her? That calling your children's mother a slag and a whore is totally unacceptable?

AbricotsSecs · 29/07/2009 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Northernlurker · 29/07/2009 23:32

Well it's up to you what you do but I think you have to give him a final warning. You cannot put up with that level of abuse and temper for the next 40 years. He fixes it or it's all over between you. You can't fix this - it's his problem and he has to control it. If he doesn't you and your children will not be safe.

dittany · 29/07/2009 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
feelingreallysadrightnow · 29/07/2009 23:36

Honestly right now i feel so detached from it all that i dont know if i can forgive him as i dont even feel mad at him just sad and shoicked

He did go to the gp once about his temper (on his own of his own desire)but nothing happened as he hadnt actually 'done anything' in a temper just gotten close to iyswim

I dont know if he thought it was ok, i dont want to talk to him at all.

But he just calmed down like a switch off, then we came home that was the weirdest bit.

OP posts:
kormachameleon · 29/07/2009 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blinks · 29/07/2009 23:37

well why don't YOU do something about this.

really, this is about taking responsibility.

HE may be a radge cunt (and by the way, he is) but you my dear are knowingly exposing your children to this abuse.

if you want any respect for yourself and value your children's physical and mental safety leave him. yes LEAVE HIM. you have a choice. you can put a stop to this at any point.

i think any mention of GPs is wholly inappropriate in this instance... is the GP going to give him a frontal lobotomy? will the GP forever more accompany you and your husband on car trips?

for gods sake, what he did is criminal in the truest sense of the word and if you stay and put up with this you're a fool with a capital F.

mrsboogie · 29/07/2009 23:38

Jesus Christ.

He will absolutely carry on doing this if the consequences of today are not severe enough to make him realise that it is totally totally unacceptable. What a shameful disgrace of a man he is.

If I were you I would ell him to get out until he learns to behave. Anything less will be seen as acceptance of his behaviour and acceptance that it is your fault that he did this. And carte blanche to carry on doing it.

Are you afraid of him? would he hit you?

Original poster
feelingreallysadrightnow · 29/07/2009 23:39

x posts a lot there

I dont want to decide what to do yet, due to it seeming so unreal

He didnt actually leave her by the road was just started the engine and moved car a bit. But it was obv just far to dangerous to even pretend to leave her there, as she might try to get in the car by going in road etc.

He thinks im not strict enough with kids.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 29/07/2009 23:40

That is a sacking offence in my book. I agree with Hoochiemomma that you should contact Women's Aid for advice and start making plans to leave. How unhealthy for your children to hear that, and how dangerous for them to be on the end of his dubious disciplinary techniques.

blinks · 29/07/2009 23:40

don't defend him.

GypsyMoth · 29/07/2009 23:40

blinks.....you said what i was thinking,but didn'y feel i could say!

msled · 29/07/2009 23:41

He did leave her though didn't he? The rest of you were in the car and she was out of it. That is so dangerous!

ipiratethief · 29/07/2009 23:41

what blinks said, becuase, even tho you are in shock and don't want it to have happened it did.

Those poor kids.

msled · 29/07/2009 23:42

A three year old who is already angry and upset could so easily run into the road and who could stop her if you are in the car?

ipiratethief · 29/07/2009 23:43

OMG

'He didnt actually leave her by the road was just started the engine and moved car a bit. But it was obv just far to dangerous to even pretend to leave her there, as she might try to get in the car by going in road etc.'

your child at 3 was put at the side of the road.

RumourOfAHurricane · 29/07/2009 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
feelingreallysadrightnow · 29/07/2009 23:45

x posts again, its very easy to say 'leave him'

I honestly think he would 'let' me go but would put up a real fight over the kids, much as he didnt show it today he loves the kids. If i do want a divorce (i think so atm) i would have to leave in a calm controlled manner not in a screaming match (he also wrestled ds out my arms after taking him out buggy)

I got inn the car to stop doing thisa to the dcs, i wouldnt want them nearby if he can act like this, when i told him i was going

He is under enormous stress atm and also due to work has been drinking tonnes of red bull and taking pro plus and not sleeping for days and driving 1000s of miles (not an excuse but could this be a factor?)

OP posts:
ipiratethief · 29/07/2009 23:45

he thinks your not strict enough becuase he is losing/has lost it, and cannot cope. Next stage , throw him out so he can grow up.

think of the kids.

cheesesarnie · 29/07/2009 23:46

my dh can be a twat but thats beyond twatish.

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