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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH just apologised for standing in the street screaming at me that i was a whore, in front of dcs

119 replies

feelingreallysadrightnow · 29/07/2009 23:22

DH has a temper, he is shouty. He is supposed to be working on it but is stressed and not doing so wellBut i think today crossed the line to totally unforgivable.

DD had a tantrum while out, a really bad one (temper runs in his family i think) so dh decided to put her outside car and pretend/start to drive off. This was next to a fast road (40mph dual carriageway)

I got out and strapped her in carseat, she was still screaming but was safe. DH was cross i had not supported him (i understand the sentiment but he was being silly and it was dangerous) He started shouting at me and criticising my parenting, so i got out of car and walked off

He drove off then came back, i said i wasnt going to get in if he was still talking like that, so he said fine walk home but take the kids

So i took buggy out boot strapped DS in and got DD, then he changed his mind and said he wanted ds annd this was dd's punishment for tantrumming, I wanted both kids as it was clear he was far from calm. As i wouldnt let DS go he starting screaming, still on busy road, at me calling me all names under the sun, A whore, a fucking bitch, a slag and just kept screaming give me my son

I was shocked, it was so crazy and surreal. We all came home in car as i didnt want to split the kids up am currently not speaking to dh

He just came and apologised for 'saying nasty things' but I am just left here thinking wtf?? and i cant believe he would do that, ity is just so humiliating. I was hoping at the time someone would call the police so i could just take kids it was that scary

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 29/07/2009 23:46

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ipiratethief · 29/07/2009 23:48

tell him to go.

he can still see the children, he can still be their dad, and always will be.

Just not now, like this, when he is so blatantly unhinged.

BitOfFun · 29/07/2009 23:48

Women's Aid

cheesesarnie · 29/07/2009 23:48

he might love the kids to bits but you just dont behave like that.

RumourOfAHurricane · 29/07/2009 23:49

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Original poster
feelingreallysadrightnow · 29/07/2009 23:49

I already said it was dangerous, thats why i got out the car, i just didnt want to misportray it to people in the thread, i mean he was never going to drive off down the road (so why do it at all i dont know?)

OP posts:
mrsboogie · 29/07/2009 23:49

I know it seems surreal,, because you and those babies are supposed to be the people that this man would love and defend above all else. instead he is putting a toddler in danger and shrieking obscenities like a banshee at his wife in the street. Is that all you are worth? is that all those babies are worth? because if you let it slide because you can't get your head around it, it will keep on happening and you will be posting threads on here in 5 years time saying that your little boy is now behaving the same way.

If you wait to decide, you will wait until you have convinced yourself that you are over reacting, it was partly your fault, you can't break up the family - on and on until the next time it happens.

Original poster
feelingreallysadrightnow · 29/07/2009 23:50

Oh i am def considering my options

I just wanted others perspectives as well (cant tell anyoine in rl atm)

OP posts:
msled · 29/07/2009 23:50

He wouldn't have to drive off to have a dead child on his hands. Three year olds in a panic can run like the wind - straight under a car.
I think you would have been in big trouble with social services if someone had called the police.
Does he realise any of this?

SkaterGrrrrl · 29/07/2009 23:50

Completely unacceptable behaviour. Being angry is no excuse for calling you names like that - you deserve to be treated with more respect. Hope you are okay. x

thirtypence · 29/07/2009 23:51

He needs to give up the pro plus and red bull and probably get himself to a sleep clinic to check he hasn't completely buggered up all his neurons.

The work stress, lack of sleep and the caffeine addiction are deffo things a GP could help with.

I'd be permanently and unreasonably angry if I tried to live his lifestyle too.

ipiratethief · 29/07/2009 23:51

he was acting in the moment of pure hatred, of pure selfishness, and of pure patheticness.

It will happen again. What if that rage, unintentionally causes some sort of accident, or harm to the children?

iit's not normal, it might be becoming normal to him, and to you, but it's not.

Noone here is having a go at you, just really realy angry at your situation, and trying to see it form another side. truly.

RumourOfAHurricane · 29/07/2009 23:52

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msled · 29/07/2009 23:52

He sounds on the edge of a total breakdown. If you are going to stay in this marriage he really must get be prepared to change his life and must realise how far he went.

dittany · 29/07/2009 23:56

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pispirispis · 29/07/2009 23:56

I hardly ever post on relationship threads, but I was shocked by this. My dp has a temper and in the past has shouted at me that I'm a bitch, but if he did this, I'd definitely leave him right away. Why? As a mother, my job is to protect my innocent little baby from violence and danger. That is more important to me than anything else in the world.

Poor you, what a horrible shock.

cheesesarnie · 29/07/2009 23:57

you have the control right now.you tell him what you want and need from him.tell him his distructive lifestyle must stop,tell him to go back to gp and demand to be referred-that hes unwilling to wait till theres a incedent.
tell him you will leave him if he doesnt do as you say.

HolyGuacamole · 29/07/2009 23:57

Jesus. This man is a fucking loose cannon. OK, the driving thousands of miles, Red Bull and Proplus are not an excuse for this behaviour. And just on a side note, if this is what he is doing, he is putting lives at risk by artificially keeping himself awake and driving for very long periods of time. Years ago I was in a crash where the driver fell asleep and I was lucky! I don't mean to be morbid but that is a reality.

Anyway, onto your problem. When I read this, it reminded me so much (and probably other MNers too) of a previous lady who used to post here who shall remain nameless. A very smilar thing happened with the car incident except he left her at the roadside to walk home, miles away. She came across as very bolshy, maintained that she could handle him and that he would never lay his hands on her.

A few weeks later, that same person wrote to say that her other half had brutally attacked her in the street and caused injuries.

Don't let that be you.

What he did today is serious. Very serious. There is NO excuse, none. Don't let your children think that this is normal father behaviour because it isn't. You need to protect yourself and your children as soon as possible.

piscesmoon · 29/07/2009 23:57

'He fixes it or it's all over between you. You can't fix this - it's his problem and he has to control it. If he doesn't you and your children will not be safe. '

I agree with Northernlurker who said the above.He is a parent-he can't ever behave like that again. I would calmly tell him so, and that it is his problem-he must fix it. I think he needs outside help.

RumourOfAHurricane · 29/07/2009 23:59

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Original poster
feelingreallysadrightnow · 30/07/2009 00:04

Im still reading, i honestly dont know what to think so am finding it hard to post anything

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 30/07/2009 00:05

I agree with HolyGuacamole, this has real echoes of someone here who stuck by a partner behaving just like this. It wasn't a good move.

PlumBumMum · 30/07/2009 00:05

feelingreallysadrightnow

Please do something about his behaviour soon, I could nave written your post only from the point of view of one of your dcs!

My father has an awful temper and like you say switched it on and off like a tap BUT he was never violent, so 38 years later my mother is still listening to his crap and "but you know what he's like"

I haven't spoke to him for over 2 years because of his temper tantrums

My brother now behaves exactly like him and I'm barely speaking to him because he thought it was ok last week to call his ex a ehor infront of their 3 year old, because she text him to say he was a wanker (which he is), but there was no reasoning with him and he just got anoyed with me for saying he was in the wrong

Please don't let your children witness tis behaviour its not nice believe me, I grew up knowing what not to do and say, so I didn't set my dad off on one, and my mum probably thought it was alright because all he ever did was loose his temper, but it wasn't I hated it

PlumBumMum · 30/07/2009 00:07

a whore not an ehor

pispirispis · 30/07/2009 00:07

Be strong for your children, do what they need you to do. Good luck!