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Original poster

Feeling like my MIL is the second wife

112 replies

Oum7683 · 19/10/2026 19:39

To cut a long story short I love my husband but his mum is a pain in the arse.
she lives with us although seperate dwellings in one large house - my husband bought his house with the help of his mother who gifted him half and he mortgaged the rest. After a few months he met me and fast forward we are married with a 3 month old son. We now plan to move and my husband is selling our house - only its not our house because my husband has told me hes giving back to his mother her “gift” and fifty percent of all the remaining money so shes set up as he feels guilty for spending her money when he was younger and wants her to be looked after but to me this is at our expense as we wont be able to afford a deposit and will be renting privately. My husband feels Im being unreasonable, maybe I am but I don’t feel that I am, I feel he should be prioritising his own family and child.
Also to put things into perspective Ive had such awful dealings with this MIL she is no picnic by any stretch and feel that my husband is trying to avoid a kick off by her.
Initial thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
Oum7683 · 19/10/2026 19:40

Note that we both pay the mortgage and all the bills etc

OP posts:
Sprinklesandsprinkles · 19/10/2026 19:42

She paid for 50% of the house, surely 50% is hers. However if she can afford to take less could they do something like a 30/70 so you can both be set up? It doesn't sound right to expect the whole amount and leave her with nothing when she paid so much and it's her home, did they make any sort of contract?

ToddlerSleep · 19/10/2026 19:43

Is your MIL moving with you? If yes, I can see why it grates. If not I can see why your husband is giving her money so that she has a place to live too.

Bananacrepewithnuts · 19/10/2026 19:45

What's your reason for moving out of interest?
X

Clarabell77 · 19/10/2026 19:45

I think it’s mad to do this and then private rent. Does his mum need/want the money back? I could understand him wanting to give it back but not making yourselves vulnerable with regard to housing if you can avoid it.

beeautifullif3 · 19/10/2026 19:45

You've paid nothing towards that house so has nothing to do with you

crazymommaclub · 19/10/2026 19:46

Why not just stay in your current house until you build up enough equity to be able to use that towards purchasing a new property? If she gifted him 50% of the house money, but she was there living in the same house then that is fair. If however you’re now selling up and she’s expected to find her own house then of course he should give her her money back, otherwise what would she do?

Bananacrepewithnuts · 19/10/2026 19:46

Clarabell77 · 19/10/2026 19:45

I think it’s mad to do this and then private rent. Does his mum need/want the money back? I could understand him wanting to give it back but not making yourselves vulnerable with regard to housing if you can avoid it.

Yes it makes no sense. The OP is mad to consider moving to rented.

X

mummypigoink · 19/10/2026 19:47

So it’s not two separate dwellings, they’ve just informally divvied the house up? Presumably you have a good reason to move and worsen your housing situation?

But yes, if MIL put half the money in, she should get half the money back out if she’s not moving with you. What position would she be left in if she just got half of the equity?

Clarabell77 · 19/10/2026 19:47

beeautifullif3 · 19/10/2026 19:45

You've paid nothing towards that house so has nothing to do with you

She’s paid mortgage and bills and it’s her husbands house/her and her child’s home, so it kind of does have something to do with her.

LancashireButterPie · 19/10/2026 19:51

I'm stunned at this.
I've heard it all now.
It's not you husbands house, it's a shared house, and it's certainly not yours.

Badatmostthings · 19/10/2026 19:52

I can't understand why MIL has put herself in such a vulnerable position? Is there more to this?

Badatmostthings · 19/10/2026 19:54

@LancashireButterPie it's the husbands house if I've understood this correctly? He bought it?

MushMonster · 19/10/2026 20:02

The house is 50% your husband's and 50% your MIL's house, as both put in half the puchase money. One in cash, one mortgaged.
You do have to divide the sale of the property 50/ 50. Is your MIL moving with you all? Or will she have to get another property for herself? As there are two dwelings, why not properly divide them, with water/ gas/ council tax and register office? Then she can keep her 50% and you can sell the other. But do not flipping move out if you have to rent! That is a crazy one! You need to make enough profit to buy a new house.

Zanatdy · 19/10/2026 20:06

Its 50% her house, so of course she is entitled to 50%.

MushMonster · 19/10/2026 20:07

Badatmostthings · 19/10/2026 19:52

I can't understand why MIL has put herself in such a vulnerable position? Is there more to this?

Yeah, the love for one's child! Put down 50% of a house to be shared and then......
He is doing the right thing by his mother.
OP, on the other hand, seems to think that the property belongs only to her husband, and the profit from the sale too!

Chickenhorse · 19/10/2026 20:13

It sounds like it worked for your DH and his mother until you came along. Now you (unfortunately), don’t want to share with MIL. If you have to sell then she should at the very least get back the 50% she put in.

Badatmostthings · 19/10/2026 20:15

The money from MIL was a gift though, not a share in the property. MIL has no claim on the house. I'm not giving any opinion on what is morally right but legally MIL has left herself very vulnerable.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 19/10/2026 20:16

Is it properly two separate dwellings and only yours and DH’s dwelling that is being sold? Or is the whole house, I.e. both dwellings being sold? I think that will affect the replies you get.

Ohhelpwhatnow · 19/10/2026 20:18

where is MIL supposed to live if he keeps the whole value of the house she paid half of? Of course he must pay her back.

m00rfarm · 19/10/2026 20:20

This reply has been deleted

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Arlanymor · 19/10/2026 20:21

You're insisting it was a gift - your husband seems to feel differently. If you sell the house from under her and give her nothing then where is she supposed to live? Genuinely? I can't see your logic at all.

SuckerForBread · 19/10/2026 20:21

Sprinklesandsprinkles · 19/10/2026 19:42

She paid for 50% of the house, surely 50% is hers. However if she can afford to take less could they do something like a 30/70 so you can both be set up? It doesn't sound right to expect the whole amount and leave her with nothing when she paid so much and it's her home, did they make any sort of contract?

I read it as, MIL is getting her initial gift back, and then husband intends to take the equity, and give MIL 50% in addition to her gift.

Carjuke · 19/10/2026 20:23

Your husband sounds like a decent man . Of course he isn’t going to leave his Mum homeless! What’s your solution?

KrooopJarn · 19/10/2026 20:25

So are you saying. House cost £500k of which MIL paid £250k. (For instance)

Is DH paying her back the original £250k or 50% of the current market value? (Which I assume is more?)

If you sell where will she live? If he took her money he has to give her some back?

What asset did you bring to the marriage? Won’t you still have that?

Also if she’s such an old baggage won’t renting be better than living with her?