Feeling like my MIL is the second wife

[Oum7683]

To cut a long story short I love my husband but his mum is a pain in the arse.
she lives with us although seperate dwellings in one large house - my husband bought his house with the help of his mother who gifted him half and he mortgaged the rest. After a few months he met me and fast forward we are married with a 3 month old son. We now plan to move and my husband is selling our house - only its not our house because my husband has told me hes giving back to his mother her “gift” and fifty percent of all the remaining money so shes set up as he feels guilty for spending her money when he was younger and wants her to be looked after but to me this is at our expense as we wont be able to afford a deposit and will be renting privately. My husband feels Im being unreasonable, maybe I am but I don’t feel that I am, I feel he should be prioritising his own family and child.
Also to put things into perspective Ive had such awful dealings with this MIL she is no picnic by any stretch and feel that my husband is trying to avoid a kick off by her.
Initial thoughts?

Funny that any court in the land would say otherwise. Also it is my husband so I beg to differ.

I suspect the value of the house has increased, which is her interest. It’s unlikely she would have had a higher return anywhere else. I don’t think you should pay interest, just the 50% of the current value.

Didn't contribute to the deposit though, did she? And she met her husband after the house was bought. So why is she being so entitled and mean-spirited?!

But where would she live if the property is sold?
Why don't you actually divide the property in two actual dewllings?

If I were your DH I would be considering ending my relationship with you, if this is what you are telling him. Basically, that you want to walk all over the agreement he had with his mother and give a shit about whatever happens to her! She is your DH's mother and your grandchild's grandmother! You cannot walk all over their feelings for money OP. It is just money!

In that case do think about the tax implications.

wither split up or stay in the house.

moving to rented is in nobody’s interests financially.

She sounds unbearable .. he is completely controlled by her well and truly.. you as his wife has rights with 3 children.
Id get divorced.

Op how dreadful- is she old and close to the end?

If not why on earth don’t you cut your losses and run!

Dictating if you can heat your own home! Pure evil

Hi @Oum7683
I would be considering an immediate legal separation and divorce. Not just because of his behaviour re the house, but because of his whole attitude to you.

It's my understanding that financials as at the date of your separation would apply. You could probably put a legal stop on him selling it/splitting the money with MiL - get some legal advice ASAP.

So - he owns the house, your MiL signed legal paperwork stating she had no claim on or interest in the house.

You are entitled to 50% of it - all of it.
You can then buy somewhere to house you and your children with that money.

He can do what he likes with his 50%.

And your MiL has no legal claim on any of it.

If she comes from a wealthy family has she got access to more money? Although, actually, it's not your problem.

Good luck OP.

If it was a gift, and his name is on the deeds, then it's his, and by extension you have some claim now you're married.
If she owns 50% then she gets 50% of sale price, minus any large renovation works that you might have done (kitchens or bathrooms, not just a bit of painting).
Sorry not RTFT but its one or the other. (Edit, I've seen it's his. He could possibly give back the original gift if he's feeling nice. He should probably also go no contact as she sounds awful).

Have you reached any agreement with your husband?
Any chance for marriage counselling?

I would be furious if I were you! A gift is a gift. Your husband should definitely prioritise the needs of you and his children.
Definitely get legal advice.
MIL sounds awful but that’s another story.
look after your own interests would be my advice.
I wonder why you moved in with him tbh, didn’t you know what she was like?

Op still hasn't said where mil will live and how she will fund this if the house is sold.
Legally, it sounds as though the house now belongs to the husband because mil gifted him 50% of it. However, she likely did this as a longterm part of inheritance planning/ avoidance for her only child, so he didn't have to pay 40% inheritance tax when she dies. She also wanted to help set him up. Mil gained nothing financially from this arrangement, but made herself financially vulnerable to being made homeless in the future. This is the current position that has come to pass.
Morally, of course Husband now has a responsibility to treat his mother financially fairly, and should ensure that his mother is treated fairly and not left high and dry because she was generous in the past with how they arranged their finances (before husband met his now wife)
Op is wanting husband to hugely betray his mother so she doesn't have to live in rented accommodation. Yes, op has been paying towards the mortgage, but the mortgage is only 50% of the value of the property, so has benefitted from not paying rent and a much cheaper mortgage all this time. She will also benefit from a share of the increased value in the property.
If mil hadn't 'gifted' it in the first place, then her and her family would have only been lodgers in mil's house, assuming they'd lived together
If OP wants to sell the house, OP needs to honour the financial arrangement that husband and mil made years ago which was well intended by mil and designed to benefit her only son long term, and not herself.
I think Op is blinded by the thought of less desirable housing for her and her family, but doesn't appreciate how and why the current financial arrangement was made, and why it came about in the first place.
If OP wants her husband to renege on his financial agreement with his mother, then sell the house and give mil 50% of the value and any equity which has built up! This most closely puts mil back into the position she'd be in prior to making the 'gift'.
The mil does sound difficult, but this is a separate issue, and separate to the financial arrangements they made when he was single.
Let this be a reminder of the potential dangers of trying to do your children a favour and planning ahead in this way to avoid future inheritance tax.