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Am I right to end the relationship.

124 replies

msS123 · Yesterday 13:18

So to start im 32 have two kids from a previous relationship. A year ago I met a 45 year old man who at the time was working for himself and renting a house, we got on great and all was good until the past few months. He had to leave the rental property he was in due to it being sold and he moved home to his mum. He had his own carpentry business and recently decided it wasn't doing so well so sold his work van and said he will still do odd jobs but won't be working full time that he's not fit because of back pain. All of this started to put me off because I'm a single mum but I still have a job and I have my own apartment. He recently came over to my place and asked what my future plans were for housing? I have a beautiful apartment so not sure why he asked that but I did tell him in future I'd love to build in the countryside as I have been given land by a family member and I asked what about you what are his plans for housing. His reply was not sure but I might be to old for a mortgage and he recently announced he maxed out a credit card years ago which he has no intention to repay. I was horrified because I could not sleep at night if I had unpaid debts. He had one day of work this week and I contacted him that afternoon to see how it went he said I couldn't be bothered to get up I had no energy then spoke about hating his life and wanting to go on his second holiday of the year to Thailand. I instantly got annoyed and decided enough is enough and told him I'm ending the relationship so I can find a compatible partner who actually has ambitions in life. He has since told me he will go get a full time job and can we work towards a mortgage. With his debts and unwillingness to work I don't think I should give him another chance.

OP posts:
BlueOinkYello · Yesterday 13:20

No you shouldn't. Good riddance. He sounds unpleasant.

NorwegianForest · Yesterday 13:25

He sounds like a lazy entitled sponger. Ditch him OP.

Bananalanacake · Yesterday 13:27

I thought you were going to say he wanted to move in with you, thank god you said no.

GreenSlippers44 · Yesterday 13:29

Vile wannabe cocklodger. Block him on everything and protect your DC (and their future inheritance) from this useless fucker.

msS123 · Yesterday 13:30

Bananalanacake · Yesterday 13:27

I thought you were going to say he wanted to move in with you, thank god you said no.

Yes he was probably hoping for that he would make jokes about me clearing my wardrobe to make room for his clothes. Never would he be living in my home.

OP posts:
LeebLeefuhLurve · Yesterday 13:30

Cocklodger-in-waiting, and I'm willing to bet my monthly salary that he's not interested in going to Thailand for the temples...

outerspacepotato · Yesterday 13:30

He was asking about your future housing because you're his retirement plan.

You have 2 kids to raise, this guy's a dusty. Cut him loose.

Ohbabypinkpanties · Yesterday 13:39

RUN NOW

Italiangreyhound · Yesterday 13:46

He's 13 years older than you, not in great health, has no ambitions, has lots of debts, no job, and lives with his mum. IMHO None of these things in of themselves is wrong but all together it makes someone you do not need in your life.

Onemanpedrodiablo · Yesterday 13:53

Do you have young daughters? All the rest aside, the single old guy going to Thailand thing stood out 🫤

He may not be only with you for the land and money....

LadyGAgain · Yesterday 13:56

Run.

msS123 · Yesterday 14:01

Onemanpedrodiablo · Yesterday 13:53

Do you have young daughters? All the rest aside, the single old guy going to Thailand thing stood out 🫤

He may not be only with you for the land and money....

No I don't I have two boy's and he had never met my kid's thankfully.

OP posts:
msS123 · Yesterday 14:07

Italiangreyhound · Yesterday 13:46

He's 13 years older than you, not in great health, has no ambitions, has lots of debts, no job, and lives with his mum. IMHO None of these things in of themselves is wrong but all together it makes someone you do not need in your life.

I agree completely all those thing's added together are a major red flag. Thanks for the reply👏

OP posts:
pinkdelight · Yesterday 14:09

He recently came over to my place and asked what my future plans were for housing? I have a beautiful apartment so not sure why he asked that

Not sure why this virtually homeless and jobless older man is interested in your apartment?? He wants to move his lazy ass and sponge off you instead of his mother, so he can spend his pennies on exploited women in Thailand.

Dump him now and don't look back.

PDAblues · Yesterday 14:16

Run.

thisoldcity · Yesterday 14:16

He sounds lazy and a user. Absolutely right to dump him.

sherbetlemonade · Yesterday 14:21

Cocklodger-in-waiting indeed.

Don't touch him with a bargepole. He's just biding his time, waiting for you to get fond of him, and then he'll pile on the 'poor me' again so you feel obliged to let him stay with you 'temporarily'. Except it never turns out to be temporary.

Daggert · Yesterday 14:33

We got a mortgage at 55 and 62 so him talking about being too old is rubbish.

You did the right thing and cleared the way for someone with higher standards to come into your life.

Lugol · Yesterday 16:05

Is this a joke?

Your description of him his behaviour is like the A to Z of being a loser.

You have your life together and you want to date this?

Dump and keep moving.

msS123 · Yesterday 16:14

Lugol · Yesterday 16:05

Is this a joke?

Your description of him his behaviour is like the A to Z of being a loser.

You have your life together and you want to date this?

Dump and keep moving.

No it's not a joke. He had his life together when I met him or so I thought but it's went downhill pretty quickly. I have dumped him but he's making me feel guilty for not giving him more time to get his life together.

OP posts:
Meteorite87 · Yesterday 16:25

Bananalanacake · Yesterday 13:27

I thought you were going to say he wanted to move in with you, thank god you said no.

I believe he wanted to, but was trying to talk around the idea first to "sound out" @msS123

@msS123 You made the right decision.

Autumnbootcamp · Yesterday 16:40

Stand firm OP!

speakball · Yesterday 16:58

Unless you are his private or state funded carer, (in which case you could still decide for no good reason not to work with him) it wouldn't be in anyone’s interests for this to continue. his journey to wholeness or whatever it is we’re all looking for, doesn't rely on you in anyway. ending the relationship doesn’t take his access to all the good things in life away. continuing when you have seen how he behaves over time is like saying to the universe ‘there is nothing better out there for me’. op when you dream of a wonderful life partner what do you imagine? spend more time imagining better men. they are out there but faffing around with this dusty sideshow is just wasting your precious time.

outerspacepotato · Yesterday 17:05

msS123 · Yesterday 16:14

No it's not a joke. He had his life together when I met him or so I thought but it's went downhill pretty quickly. I have dumped him but he's making me feel guilty for not giving him more time to get his life together.

He had his life together until he thought he had a sucker on the hook. Then he quit his job and moved in with his mom and made jokes about moving in with you. That was him testing the waters.

Never feel guilty about wanting a relationship that improves your life, and dumping someone who will drain you dry. You owe him nothing. Guilt implies you've done something wrong but you've made the right choice for you and your kids by cutting this leech loose. He's unwilling to grind the least bit to make your lives and his own better. He can't be bothered to work one freaking day a week. Ick. And the holidays by himself in a country that is a huge sex tourism hub, that would be the nail in the coffin of Ick.

whippersnapper55 · Yesterday 17:19

Do you even have to ask? He sounds like a total waste of space!

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