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Am I right to end the relationship.

124 replies

msS123 · Yesterday 13:18

So to start im 32 have two kids from a previous relationship. A year ago I met a 45 year old man who at the time was working for himself and renting a house, we got on great and all was good until the past few months. He had to leave the rental property he was in due to it being sold and he moved home to his mum. He had his own carpentry business and recently decided it wasn't doing so well so sold his work van and said he will still do odd jobs but won't be working full time that he's not fit because of back pain. All of this started to put me off because I'm a single mum but I still have a job and I have my own apartment. He recently came over to my place and asked what my future plans were for housing? I have a beautiful apartment so not sure why he asked that but I did tell him in future I'd love to build in the countryside as I have been given land by a family member and I asked what about you what are his plans for housing. His reply was not sure but I might be to old for a mortgage and he recently announced he maxed out a credit card years ago which he has no intention to repay. I was horrified because I could not sleep at night if I had unpaid debts. He had one day of work this week and I contacted him that afternoon to see how it went he said I couldn't be bothered to get up I had no energy then spoke about hating his life and wanting to go on his second holiday of the year to Thailand. I instantly got annoyed and decided enough is enough and told him I'm ending the relationship so I can find a compatible partner who actually has ambitions in life. He has since told me he will go get a full time job and can we work towards a mortgage. With his debts and unwillingness to work I don't think I should give him another chance.

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · Yesterday 17:24

“I have dumped him but he's making me feel guilty for not giving him more time to get his life together.”

How is he doing this? If your relationship is over (and I can see no reason why it would continue) then delete his number, block him and move on. He’s a dishonest loser, planning to walk away from his debts, and an idle ambitionless sponger to boot - what kind of a 45 year old wants to move in with his mother for more than a couple of weeks? I’m surprised his Mama didn’t kick him out of bed on the one day he had work. It’s really, really time to get rid once and for all, OP.

ScorpionLioness79 · Yesterday 17:35

As Maya Angelou said, When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Women's nurturing ways can be a negative trait when it's used in the wrong way. Don't feel guilty about not giving him time to improve as he says he will. He's just lying in desperation because he's losing what he thought would be easy street, provided by you on a silver platter.

PetulaGordeno · Yesterday 17:39

He’s not far off 50 he’s had plenty of time to get his life together.
As you work full time and have a nice home, and are considerably younger, you think it would drive him to have a bit of ambition and keep up.
Instead he’s acting like a moaning old uncle looking round for somewhere to live and someone to cadge off.
Thank goodness he never met your kids.

PaperMachePanda · Yesterday 18:03

What a wastrel. Sounds like he wanted to use you as his retirement plan. Yuk.

Well done for getting rid of him.

msS123 · Yesterday 18:05

sesquipedalian · Yesterday 17:24

“I have dumped him but he's making me feel guilty for not giving him more time to get his life together.”

How is he doing this? If your relationship is over (and I can see no reason why it would continue) then delete his number, block him and move on. He’s a dishonest loser, planning to walk away from his debts, and an idle ambitionless sponger to boot - what kind of a 45 year old wants to move in with his mother for more than a couple of weeks? I’m surprised his Mama didn’t kick him out of bed on the one day he had work. It’s really, really time to get rid once and for all, OP.

Your right I should block him and I will. And I agree a 45 year old should not be living with his mum full time I had thought it would be temporary but the only mention of other accommodation is a cabin on her land. He has no ambitions and I won't be staying around.

OP posts:
sherbetlemonade · Yesterday 18:21

msS123 · Yesterday 16:14

No it's not a joke. He had his life together when I met him or so I thought but it's went downhill pretty quickly. I have dumped him but he's making me feel guilty for not giving him more time to get his life together.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, and please do not put yourself in the position of feeling responsible for helping him get his life back together.

Rhaidimiddim · Yesterday 18:26

He has cocklodger tendencies and is financially irresponsible.

He would do what he had to to get you on the hook for a joint home, then back pain and a life living off you.

Autumnalhibernationisthedream · Yesterday 19:07

Yanbu but you are bu to start a thread purely to slag him off. So many of these threads recently.

MyDpsanarse · Yesterday 19:52

Not about slagging him off really, more a very good example of how a woman should see when a man's trying to make use of her financially. He's not a very good cocklodger Op, he showed his hand far too early so he hadn't moved in before he stopped working

Starburst360 · Yesterday 19:57

Please do not give him another chance - he is a loser!

msS123 · Yesterday 20:34

Autumnalhibernationisthedream · Yesterday 19:07

Yanbu but you are bu to start a thread purely to slag him off. So many of these threads recently.

Who is slagging him off?????

OP posts:
Sodthesystem · Yesterday 20:49

He was sizing you up for a rinsing.

Thailand for the second time in a year. Eww, well we know why that is don’t we. Grim.

You’d be wise to get an sti test.
Well done on getting rid!

Prycejosh1987 · Yesterday 23:42

Give him a chance, and a time limit of chance.

Peakyblinder18 · Yesterday 23:48

don't look back

BlueOinkYello · Today 10:47

Prycejosh1987 · Yesterday 23:42

Give him a chance, and a time limit of chance.

Why?! What would be the reason for a second chance? She can do so much better than this cocklodger.

Sodthesystem · Today 14:31

Never give someone a second opportunity to prove they are the asshole they have been shaping up to be.

You can’t trust this man. Someone suddenly going “oh I’ll do xyz” after months of actively showing you they do not care, is selling you a watch. They still don’t care. They just don’t want you to know that becuase you’ll take what you were investing in them and leave.

It’s not even the lack of ambition you need to be bothered about imo (not that that isn’t allowed to be a turn off of course). Some people want a chill life. But it’s what the implication is for you from a man who wants this life and seeminly doesn’t have the means to support it. And is asking a lot of questions about what means YOU have.

That’s someone looking to suck you dry,

Boreded · Today 14:33

Yeah he has to go

Trottersup · Today 15:38

As someone who discovered too late I'd let in a cocklodger, I'd say block him, change the locks, do everything you can to keep him away. He sees you as a meal ticket. My cocklodger always wanted a country home so left me for a woman who, you guessed it, lived in the countryside.

MarilynMerlot · Today 15:49

Trottersup · Today 15:38

As someone who discovered too late I'd let in a cocklodger, I'd say block him, change the locks, do everything you can to keep him away. He sees you as a meal ticket. My cocklodger always wanted a country home so left me for a woman who, you guessed it, lived in the countryside.

Yup, these men don’t love anything but the benefits they reckon they can get out of a woman.

BudgetBuster · Today 16:23

Fair play for having some self respect to not lower yourself to allowing him to become a cocklodger. His momma raised him to be liek this so she can keep him!
I'm also glad your kids haven't met him.

Frugalgal · Today 17:11

Sodthesystem · Yesterday 20:49

He was sizing you up for a rinsing.

Thailand for the second time in a year. Eww, well we know why that is don’t we. Grim.

You’d be wise to get an sti test.
Well done on getting rid!

This. So much this.

Waytoohothot · Today 17:19

Thailand nuff said only one reason men go there and i would get an STI test

Waytoohothot · Today 17:20

LeebLeefuhLurve · Yesterday 13:30

Cocklodger-in-waiting, and I'm willing to bet my monthly salary that he's not interested in going to Thailand for the temples...

Vile man and no not the temples!!!

Waytoohothot · Today 17:22

pinkdelight · Yesterday 14:09

He recently came over to my place and asked what my future plans were for housing? I have a beautiful apartment so not sure why he asked that

Not sure why this virtually homeless and jobless older man is interested in your apartment?? He wants to move his lazy ass and sponge off you instead of his mother, so he can spend his pennies on exploited women in Thailand.

Dump him now and don't look back.

Not just the women in thailand hes probably interested in

MsPrufrockk · Today 17:26

Prycejosh1987 · Yesterday 23:42

Give him a chance, and a time limit of chance.

Cocklodger, is this you? 😂

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