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Am I right to end the relationship.

124 replies

msS123 · Yesterday 13:18

So to start im 32 have two kids from a previous relationship. A year ago I met a 45 year old man who at the time was working for himself and renting a house, we got on great and all was good until the past few months. He had to leave the rental property he was in due to it being sold and he moved home to his mum. He had his own carpentry business and recently decided it wasn't doing so well so sold his work van and said he will still do odd jobs but won't be working full time that he's not fit because of back pain. All of this started to put me off because I'm a single mum but I still have a job and I have my own apartment. He recently came over to my place and asked what my future plans were for housing? I have a beautiful apartment so not sure why he asked that but I did tell him in future I'd love to build in the countryside as I have been given land by a family member and I asked what about you what are his plans for housing. His reply was not sure but I might be to old for a mortgage and he recently announced he maxed out a credit card years ago which he has no intention to repay. I was horrified because I could not sleep at night if I had unpaid debts. He had one day of work this week and I contacted him that afternoon to see how it went he said I couldn't be bothered to get up I had no energy then spoke about hating his life and wanting to go on his second holiday of the year to Thailand. I instantly got annoyed and decided enough is enough and told him I'm ending the relationship so I can find a compatible partner who actually has ambitions in life. He has since told me he will go get a full time job and can we work towards a mortgage. With his debts and unwillingness to work I don't think I should give him another chance.

OP posts:
PrettyPickle · Today 19:11

The way he has approached this is very bad and ill conceived. Like other posters I thought he was leading up to asking to move in with you.

He is either a user or very depressed and not thinking straight. Did he lose his accommodation for the reasons he said or because he was in arrears with his rent, I suspect the later.

He may genuinely be in pain and be depressed but the way his has handled this is not good but then depressed people don't always have the purpose of thought.

I think you made the right decision because there are too many unknowns. If you were seriously thinking about giving it another shot, it could only be on the basis that you were looking to move forward in the future and getting a mortgage together and that can only happen if he has a decent credit history. You can ask for full disclosure about his credit if you are to continue as I have a suspicion he may have lost his flat due to none payment (and following which they may have decided to sell).

Pedallleur · Today 19:13

Bananalanacake · Yesterday 13:27

I thought you were going to say he wanted to move in with you, thank god you said no.

That was somewhere on his agenda

Error404FucksNotFound · Today 19:35

Dumping him was 100% the right move.
As would blocking him be.
Sounds like he was lining you up to take over from mummy.

Lyndy74 · Today 19:35

He wont change, stick to your guns. He showed u his true colours when he thought they were acceptable.

GrumpyButOk · Today 19:35

msS123 · Yesterday 16:14

No it's not a joke. He had his life together when I met him or so I thought but it's went downhill pretty quickly. I have dumped him but he's making me feel guilty for not giving him more time to get his life together.

He's had over 40 years to get it together and has achieved less than many teenagers. 👏for dumping him.

WiddlinDiddlin · Today 19:41

Nah, for one thing as PP says, he's had 40 years to get his life together, and has shown zero signs of doing so.

But if you want, say 'well when you HAVE got your life together, are debt free, have a property and a mortgage... feel free to look me up. I may have moved on by then, who knows, I am not waiting around!'

It's never going to happen, his idea of 'getting his life together' was to chuck his lot in with yours and you support him.

Happyjoe · Today 19:48

It's the going on holiday when maxed out all his cards, giving up his business when owes debt. Not working, when owes debt. Not even going bankrupt, which would clear his debts. Just shows an unwillingness to do anything right.

And holiday in Thailand, on his own? Eek.

Yeah, you can do much much better than this man, regardless if hinting to move in with you or not.

Bringemout · Today 19:48

If he was going to successfully cock lodge he should have got into your home before he jacked in work. So he’s stupid too.

You don’t have to give him any time at all, none of us are owed a relationship and you’ve given him plenty of time already.

PrestonHood121 · Today 19:49

He’ll never be able to get a mortgage. I would have been out when Thailand was mentioned

Ilovelifeverymuch · Today 19:50

@msS123 I must say I am glad to see a woman who can see the red flags and take a swift decisive action.

He is a cocklodger who just wants to drain you, you did the right thing to end the relationship.

A man should be complementing and adding to you and your children's lives, I don't see what this man can bring to any relationship so let him go.

I may be wrong but the Thailand trip gives me the ick. He comes across as the type of men who are losers back home and go to Thailand for cheap sex tourism.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · Today 19:53

Well done OP! This was going nowhere, unless you could be happy with a jobless man living free in your lovely home. I hope you find someone financially responsible who wants to be a proper partner rather than someone who has you pegged as their future retirement plan! I'm sure he did have lovely redeeming features, but it would definitely have led to massive resentment on your part. Love, attraction etc is all well ans good but you need to have compatible lives as well, and you clearly don't

SirenScream · Today 19:59

He didnt even try very hard with his con did he, very transparent!

Abricot1983 · Today 20:08

You did the right thing. He will drag you down with the debt and unwillingness to work

Pherian · Today 20:17

msS123 · Yesterday 13:18

So to start im 32 have two kids from a previous relationship. A year ago I met a 45 year old man who at the time was working for himself and renting a house, we got on great and all was good until the past few months. He had to leave the rental property he was in due to it being sold and he moved home to his mum. He had his own carpentry business and recently decided it wasn't doing so well so sold his work van and said he will still do odd jobs but won't be working full time that he's not fit because of back pain. All of this started to put me off because I'm a single mum but I still have a job and I have my own apartment. He recently came over to my place and asked what my future plans were for housing? I have a beautiful apartment so not sure why he asked that but I did tell him in future I'd love to build in the countryside as I have been given land by a family member and I asked what about you what are his plans for housing. His reply was not sure but I might be to old for a mortgage and he recently announced he maxed out a credit card years ago which he has no intention to repay. I was horrified because I could not sleep at night if I had unpaid debts. He had one day of work this week and I contacted him that afternoon to see how it went he said I couldn't be bothered to get up I had no energy then spoke about hating his life and wanting to go on his second holiday of the year to Thailand. I instantly got annoyed and decided enough is enough and told him I'm ending the relationship so I can find a compatible partner who actually has ambitions in life. He has since told me he will go get a full time job and can we work towards a mortgage. With his debts and unwillingness to work I don't think I should give him another chance.

Nope. He’s going to bring you nothing but misery,

Jollygollygosh · Today 20:21

Italiangreyhound · Yesterday 13:46

He's 13 years older than you, not in great health, has no ambitions, has lots of debts, no job, and lives with his mum. IMHO None of these things in of themselves is wrong but all together it makes someone you do not need in your life.

That’s not the worst CV, he isn’t a killer, cut the guy some slack 😂

LowlandLucky · Today 20:21

45,living with his mummy and has debts he refuses to pay. Run like hell, he sees you as an easy life.

Jollygollygosh · Today 20:22

Oh and Thailand, hmm

Namemechangey · Today 20:23

Yep, run away. My H is terrible with money and if I ever found myself single again, stability, assets and income to match mine would be a non negotiable. You made it this far on your own, don’t let someone drag you down.

Holidaymodeon · Today 20:31

msS123 · Yesterday 13:18

So to start im 32 have two kids from a previous relationship. A year ago I met a 45 year old man who at the time was working for himself and renting a house, we got on great and all was good until the past few months. He had to leave the rental property he was in due to it being sold and he moved home to his mum. He had his own carpentry business and recently decided it wasn't doing so well so sold his work van and said he will still do odd jobs but won't be working full time that he's not fit because of back pain. All of this started to put me off because I'm a single mum but I still have a job and I have my own apartment. He recently came over to my place and asked what my future plans were for housing? I have a beautiful apartment so not sure why he asked that but I did tell him in future I'd love to build in the countryside as I have been given land by a family member and I asked what about you what are his plans for housing. His reply was not sure but I might be to old for a mortgage and he recently announced he maxed out a credit card years ago which he has no intention to repay. I was horrified because I could not sleep at night if I had unpaid debts. He had one day of work this week and I contacted him that afternoon to see how it went he said I couldn't be bothered to get up I had no energy then spoke about hating his life and wanting to go on his second holiday of the year to Thailand. I instantly got annoyed and decided enough is enough and told him I'm ending the relationship so I can find a compatible partner who actually has ambitions in life. He has since told me he will go get a full time job and can we work towards a mortgage. With his debts and unwillingness to work I don't think I should give him another chance.

There’s a certain type of men who all seem to start off with a home which mysteriously disappears once the relationship starts …

msS123 · Today 20:39

Jollygollygosh · Today 20:21

That’s not the worst CV, he isn’t a killer, cut the guy some slack 😂

He told me last week he sometimes has intrusive thoughts about hurting people...the list of red flags keep on going 🙈

OP posts:
CharlotteByrde · Today 20:40

Yikes that's a drip feed and a half.

msS123 · Today 20:41

Namemechangey · Today 20:23

Yep, run away. My H is terrible with money and if I ever found myself single again, stability, assets and income to match mine would be a non negotiable. You made it this far on your own, don’t let someone drag you down.

You are very right about this I have made it on my own so far and I don't need anyone who will only pull me back👏😊

OP posts:
Sodthesystem · Today 20:42

msS123 · Today 20:39

He told me last week he sometimes has intrusive thoughts about hurting people...the list of red flags keep on going 🙈

Ooft. Translation: “I’m going to hurt you and when you complain about it I’ll tell you I told you what I was like. It’s my intrusive thoughts. I didn’t mean it”.

msS123 · Today 20:44

Sodthesystem · Today 20:42

Ooft. Translation: “I’m going to hurt you and when you complain about it I’ll tell you I told you what I was like. It’s my intrusive thoughts. I didn’t mean it”.

He was going to bring nothing to my life. I guess in the beginning I didn't see all the red flags they just started appearing one after another. The holidays with other male friends to Thailand did give me the ick. I have never been to Thailand but I've sure heard enough of what goes on out there🙈

OP posts:
OneDogTwoCatsHalfaDH · Today 20:45

Omg, you've only been dating him a year, why on earth should you feel guilty about ending it!
And as for a carpentry business not doing well, that's kind of an oxymoron. My ex used to work 14 hour days because there was always more work than he could cope with, this guy just doesn't want to work!

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