He came back, is it love or convenience?

[Junebaby84]

This is a long complex one…

I met my ex boyfriend at work in November 2019..during early covid we both survived a round of redundancies so started chatting via text during the lockdowns. Once restrictions relaxed towards the end of the year he moved in with me while the house he’d bought during covid was completed with the view of me moving in with him.

to cut a very long story short what proceeded was then 4 years of back and forth hot and cold behaviour he told me living with him didn’t line up with his gut feeling he refused to let me meet his family. Hed say he wasn’t in the right headspace for a relationship, He’d end our relationship only to ask to see me a week or so later. I know what you’re thinking why put up with it? But I was so confused at this point due to the intermittent reinforcement nature of the relationship I just wanted the version of him I’d experienced at the start.

anyway by last year I’d had enough and cut all contact. June this year he shows up out of the blue saying he wanted to come back to me he’s realised he wants to be with me. Oh and that he’d had to sell his house due to loosing his job and he’s been living with someone else and she got to meet his family! I was devastated. He said as soon as he moved in with her they both realised it was a mistake and he moved into a separate room and she’s let him stay there for 7 months as a lodger essentially.. or so he says.

he’s pulled out all the stops to apologise.. done some real grovelling and while I do love him and he’s now offering the relationship I’ve always wanted with him it’s tempting to give it a go the other part of me feels like this is all a little too convenient because I have my own house and he’s realised the grass isn’t greener. He says he loves me and couldn’t handle it and his issues at the time.

thanks for reading all of that. I know deep down to tell him no but there’s a part of me that respects his honesty and thinks am I overreacting I’m also devastated this woman got to live with him and meet his family when I was denied these experiences for years.

Umm…has it escaped your notice that he’s a total bellend?

Life’s biggest lesson is a hard one to learn - always love yourself more than some bloke. Even if he isn’t a bellend.

Ps: all these comments about other women who want him or got more of him than you or blah blah blah… is called “narcissistic triangulation”. It’s is a form of abuse used to make you feel like you are not and never will be enough. Like you are constantly being compared to other women he had or “could” have had. Right now it’s “you’re better than”…but when you get with them the tables soon turn.

Normal people don’t do this but it’s a common abuser tactic. Designed to break your spirit and your self esteem.

I bet my ass a lot of women have turfed him out on his arse when he had played this game with them as they have sussed out his bullshit so now he’s looking on his rota to see who else he can con.

Tell him to jog on.

Is it love or convenience?

Convenience for him, inconvenience for you. It's not love, that's for sure.

This is a perfect response to him. See how keen he is to date you if you tell him you won't live with him until you have a couple of years in a stable, reliable relationship behind you. Then you'll have your answer.

Time to believe his 1st time session of BS and fuck this magpie off.
Let him find a new nest that his wife hasn't thrown him out of!!