Is this negging and am I flogging a dead horse?

[PyrexCup]

I've started having sex with my new boyfriend. It has been a little awkward as he does have ED and he didn't mention it, which I can understand. I'm 55, he's 59. We're both in fairly good physical nick for our age I suppose. He has a job in construction and I also have a job that means I'm on my feet for most of the day.

We've been together since around the end of April and took a lot of time to get to know each other. Work is demanding for both of us and very often I notice he is just too tired to even be interested in sex and we have only managed to have penetrative sex once and it wasn't great.

It's a couple of things that he said that have upset me. After seeing me naked a fair few times, we were in bed once and he said "You have great breasts for a woman your age". I just thought why even say "for your age". I supposed they're not entirely pointing southwards just yet and still pretty good, but it felt like one of those half compliments.

Quite early on when we first met, he said "When you walked into the cafe, I thought you were much younger. But then when you got up close I thought no, she might be in her late forties". So again, like a half compliment. Why say it like that? He could have just said, oh, you look younger than you are and leave it at that.

Then very recently I was talking about needing to lose a bit of weight. It's only maybe half a stone around my middle aged spread really. He also needs to lose a bit around there. I mentioned it to him, about eating healthier and he said "You need to lose a couple of stone". I currently weigh 10.10 and I'm 5' 8".

Is this negging? Have I overlooked negging early on?

There are other red flags. I know for a fact that he's masturbating a lot when I'm not there. He forgets to put his used tissues in the bin... I know, gross... and sometimes they're in the bed when I get in. That's another thing that's really bugging me. So since April, he has had two erections when with me, one sort of worked, the other disappeared.

And I can see him openly appreciating other women when we are out together. Sometimes he even comments on how attractive they are. Then we get home and he falls asleep.

I am a very sexual person and I don't think I can go on like this.

Not a keeper - disrespectful (the tissues urg) unkind and chipping away at your confidence. Better luck next time.

Yes it's negging OP.
I would assume also he is watching a lot of porn.
He is already affecting your self esteem.
You really should end the relationship. You are worth so much more.

He sounds preoccupied with rating your attractiveness. Not a very attractive trait in itself.

Nah- you can do better than this wanker!

Ffs throw this one back
he needs to remember he’s the same age/weight etc how dare he judge you op
get rid and find someone kinder

He sounds like a right tosser to be honest and I'm sure you can do much better! Dump him OP

Negging, disrespectful and probably also throwing shade because he's insecure about his ED and is trying to pass that insecurity onto you. Not a keeper. A couple of stone. Cheeky fucker.

Edited to add - I stopped reading at the weight comment. I see he's addicted to porn, doesn't clean up the evidence and that's why he can't get it up. Please block him.

Wake up and smell the coffee. It's not working. Dump!

He left his dirty used tissues in the bed. Gross.

OMG raise your standards!!

Textbook negging. Please get rid, men who behave like this do not make decent partners.

Yep, not a keeper. If he's like this early on he will be even more awful when honeymoon phase over.

Why on earth are you entertaining him? Run like the wind! You’re not even getting a decent shag out of him. Negging is abuse and it will get worse. Don’t be a boiled frog.

Good grief. Bin

Negging, pornsick and a manky bugger. 🚩

My god he sounds absolutely repugnant! Raise your bar!

😂

That was meant to be laughing at the retching cat!

Yuck.

Also-
“And I can see him openly appreciating other women when we are out together. Sometimes he even comments on how attractive they are”

This is called narcissistic triangulation. It is an abuser tactic used to make you feel like they think your are “not enough”. They complement other women and make you feel like you are being compared unfavourably.

Um, I can't for the life of me why you haven't told him to get lost, he sounds horrible. Is this really a man who deserves you?

Oh good grief, it has a name? I had a feeling he was trying to make me jealous.

The last time out with him, I thought his tongue was going to fall out he was drooling so obviously over two young women just in front of our table and slightly off to one side. He was facing them, I had my back to them. We were in a booth in the pub and they were at a table so he had a birds eye view of them. When we sat down, I shuffled along the booth to the wall and instead of sitting down right in front of me, he stayed at the end of the booth. At first I had no idea why he did that. So I got up to see what he was staring at. Five minutes later they left when a few other friends arrived and he moved along the booth to sit in front of me.

He denied doing it.

You don't mention a single good thing about him (for goid reason) - why waste 6 months on him?

I'm bored, sexually frustrated and pissed off that he must be doing all this to make me insecure. Not one person has responded to defend him.

I guess I'm trying to figure out if I am being insecure and my standards are too high.

But it's always the way that other people can see your problem so clearly. When you're in it, you can't. I'm the boiled frog then.

Just remember OP that 6 months ago, before you started seeing him, you were happy which just proves you can be happy without him.

Yes dump him. The ED is probably due to the "deathgrip" of wanking to internet porn.

Just a question - when was the last time he brought you some flowers?

Thank you.

He has never bought me flowers. He knows how much I love them though, I'm always buying them for myself or for my Mum when we're out together.