Is this negging and am I flogging a dead horse?

[PyrexCup]

I've started having sex with my new boyfriend. It has been a little awkward as he does have ED and he didn't mention it, which I can understand. I'm 55, he's 59. We're both in fairly good physical nick for our age I suppose. He has a job in construction and I also have a job that means I'm on my feet for most of the day.

We've been together since around the end of April and took a lot of time to get to know each other. Work is demanding for both of us and very often I notice he is just too tired to even be interested in sex and we have only managed to have penetrative sex once and it wasn't great.

It's a couple of things that he said that have upset me. After seeing me naked a fair few times, we were in bed once and he said "You have great breasts for a woman your age". I just thought why even say "for your age". I supposed they're not entirely pointing southwards just yet and still pretty good, but it felt like one of those half compliments.

Quite early on when we first met, he said "When you walked into the cafe, I thought you were much younger. But then when you got up close I thought no, she might be in her late forties". So again, like a half compliment. Why say it like that? He could have just said, oh, you look younger than you are and leave it at that.

Then very recently I was talking about needing to lose a bit of weight. It's only maybe half a stone around my middle aged spread really. He also needs to lose a bit around there. I mentioned it to him, about eating healthier and he said "You need to lose a couple of stone". I currently weigh 10.10 and I'm 5' 8".

Is this negging? Have I overlooked negging early on?

There are other red flags. I know for a fact that he's masturbating a lot when I'm not there. He forgets to put his used tissues in the bin... I know, gross... and sometimes they're in the bed when I get in. That's another thing that's really bugging me. So since April, he has had two erections when with me, one sort of worked, the other disappeared.

And I can see him openly appreciating other women when we are out together. Sometimes he even comments on how attractive they are. Then we get home and he falls asleep.

I am a very sexual person and I don't think I can go on like this.

He sounds awful. I’m sure you can do better than this.

Good for you - have a great night!

Oh just dump the graceless, seductionless fart.

Throw this one back so he can focus on his true loves - Pornsite and right hand.

He sounded awful, the sex was dire, glad you have done the only thing possible and dumped him, you deserve far, far better.

I don't understand why you haven't dumped him already?

This is very common and it's not you.

I recently dumped a guy for similar. He's the same age as your bf.

ED which he would not get medical advice about. Death grip from the masturbation (& porn I expect). The negging because I expected him to get medical advice on the ED, to put me in my place.

I think some men think if they keep trying a different woman, their sexual dysfunction will miraculously disappear.

The comments reveal how he sees and evaluates women, is that ok by you?

Eta I see you let him go. Great job 🍾🥂

💐💐💐

Well done for getting rid of him. Have a great night out and enjoy yourself. You'll be just fine !

Just read the whole.thread well-done OP ! Fast and swift realisation I love it !
Have a fabulous evening ✨ ✨ ✨

Jeez you’re well shot of that, 7 months, two erections and openly judging your attractiveness . I’ve no idea why you were with him so long. What a weird creep

At least he has tissues to dry his eyes 👀

He is gross!! Get rid. Now.
He's insecure about the ED so he is taking it out on you.
Soggy tissues, oh disgusting!

Tosser. Literally!

Good lord get rid, my ex used to try to hide his wank socks and used tissues up the side of the bed. Grim 🤮🤮

Brilliant, you have absolutely done the right thing.

Well done.
He sounds filthy and quite vile.

Can just imagine him negging Margot, 'well Margot you're not as hot now as you were in Wolf of Wall street...'

Your standards are not too high. His are in the gutter. You can do better.

Bloody hell OP, why haven’t you dumped him? All are red flags. You are worth so much more

Splendid summary. 👍🏻

No it isn’t! It’s in the healthy bmi range. What a horrible judgemental person you sound.

He’s dragging you down OP
Throw this one back.

Being sexual is a state of mind.
You’re basing opinions on a basic sexual (plug/socket) model!
Do you really thing you’re qualified to
give advice?

You should think about becoming a lurker.