Is this negging and am I flogging a dead horse?

[PyrexCup]

I've started having sex with my new boyfriend. It has been a little awkward as he does have ED and he didn't mention it, which I can understand. I'm 55, he's 59. We're both in fairly good physical nick for our age I suppose. He has a job in construction and I also have a job that means I'm on my feet for most of the day.

We've been together since around the end of April and took a lot of time to get to know each other. Work is demanding for both of us and very often I notice he is just too tired to even be interested in sex and we have only managed to have penetrative sex once and it wasn't great.

It's a couple of things that he said that have upset me. After seeing me naked a fair few times, we were in bed once and he said "You have great breasts for a woman your age". I just thought why even say "for your age". I supposed they're not entirely pointing southwards just yet and still pretty good, but it felt like one of those half compliments.

Quite early on when we first met, he said "When you walked into the cafe, I thought you were much younger. But then when you got up close I thought no, she might be in her late forties". So again, like a half compliment. Why say it like that? He could have just said, oh, you look younger than you are and leave it at that.

Then very recently I was talking about needing to lose a bit of weight. It's only maybe half a stone around my middle aged spread really. He also needs to lose a bit around there. I mentioned it to him, about eating healthier and he said "You need to lose a couple of stone". I currently weigh 10.10 and I'm 5' 8".

Is this negging? Have I overlooked negging early on?

There are other red flags. I know for a fact that he's masturbating a lot when I'm not there. He forgets to put his used tissues in the bin... I know, gross... and sometimes they're in the bed when I get in. That's another thing that's really bugging me. So since April, he has had two erections when with me, one sort of worked, the other disappeared.

And I can see him openly appreciating other women when we are out together. Sometimes he even comments on how attractive they are. Then we get home and he falls asleep.

I am a very sexual person and I don't think I can go on like this.

Get rid of Mr Floppy. You deserve so much better than him.

Not a surprise he was single tbh

When you dump him make sure you spell out its because you need a man who can shag you senseless
And that it most certainly was never going to be him. Then block before he can reply. He'll be livid !

He can't get it up.
He can't get a wank tissue in the bin.
He can't be nice.
He can't stop letching at other women.
He can't visit a florist.
He can't summon up the energy to be interested in sex.

He can be single.

Oh to have the audacity and confidence of a mediocre man!
id be tempted to leave him and tell him the reason is he needs to improve in bed!

Sad to say he doesn’t have ED otherwise it would be flogging a dead horse. What he does have is an intermittent system that only sees action when presented with young/underage women being treated like pieces of meat on porn sites.
That’s why he’s ogling so much in plain sight.
Perhaps having a ‘girlfriend’ makes him feel
acceptable.
Imagine if you said to him do you know David the two times you’ve managed an erection I’ve thought not a bad cock size for a man about to get a free bus pass. Well done you!
At this stage, this man is lost. He can’t have a physical relationship with you or any other functioning woman. He’d probably think Amanda Holden was a bit overweight or JLo was a bit heavy for her age.
Even Margot Robbie would be past her prime.
I don’t just think he’s an old perv I would be very, very wary of a man staring at young girls like them and using you as a decoy.
Bin.

wow, send him a text right now and dump him. Sex once since April is a huge red flag in itself. What a horrible man he sounds.
Take your amazing boobs and find somebody amazing and worthy of you!

Yes the negging is mean. The porn addiction, looking at other women in your company and the dirty bed are all excellent reasons not to waste another moment on this lout.

No no no no no.

Being alone would be infinitely better than having this in your life.

Yes absolutely get rid immediately! And I say this as someone who is similar age to you and also newly dating. I met a chap in April too and it’s not perfect (no flowers or gifts of any sort, no meals out etc - have posted about it!) BUT he makes me feel amazing, like the hottest woman on earth. My confidence is sky high and we chat and enjoy each other both inside and outside the bedroom. I am compromising on some of the material stuff, and I would love a bit more in terms of meals out etc (happy to pay my share), but he’s a good ‘un on the whole so I’m staying with him for now!

“…and I don't think I can go on like this.”

My advice is don’t go on with it. Frankly, he sounds awful (and he probably has ED because he can only whack off to porn)!

@Krispykrem said what I thought. The tissues suggest his ED isn’t a problem when he is alone and you can bet your life he isn’t relying on the memory of the latest young women he’s been leering at in public, it’s going to be porn. So basically he can only get off by watching women who wouldn’t give him the time of day if they had the misfortune of meeting him unless their sex work extended beyond film and he paid and paid well.

He’s just a pathetic wanker. You can do better.

This disrespectful twat is not a keeper. You are not even getting a decent shag out of it. Ditch. Onwards and upwards op.

Yuck, get rid! He belongs on the bin.

Be thankful you don't live with him, it'd be socks instead of tissues.

When you dump him, I bet you a fiver he will say 'good luck to you if you think you can do better'.

Yes OP they’re always nasty about it

Be prepared for it

He sounds quite unpleasant OP. Is there truly much point in continuing this relationship with a man who's making you feel out of sorts this way? I mean, it's not like you're even getting a good shag out of it!

Move on is my opinion, there must be better - tbh, being alone is better than being with this muppet.

I guess I'm trying to figure out if I am being insecure and my standards are too high.

Your standards are your standards and that's enough. It doesn't matter if for someone else they'd be too high or too low, they're yours and the ones by which you are entitled to judge someone.

I'm the same height as you and a couple of pounds lighter and I look fine.

Better to be on your own than to be this badly accompanied. Dump him by text and then block. Ask yourself why you entertained him for six months given his behaviour.

It sounds like he feels he settled for you and wants you to know it. Not a keeper. I am sure you can do better.

With his tissues...

Just texted him that it's not working for me at all. Have a nice life. And bought myself stunning red roses!

No response.

I'm off into town tonight with a good friend, time to wash my hair and get glammed up!

Sometimes it was all over the inside of the duvet cover 😖