Husband caught messaging other woman

[whatasituationisthis]

I woke up thismorning and saw some messages on my DHs phone from his friends girlfriend. I didn’t think much of it at first but then something felt off. I asked him about it and at first he gave me two different explanations about why he was talking and how it was very short and one worded answers. I asked to look at the messages and they have been talking constantly for 3 weeks, hundreds on messages on Snapchat, voice notes, winky emojis etc. I became so upset and throw his phone down on the sofa and when I asked to see the messages again he refused and told me I needed to calm down, he said he wouldn’t let me look again until later. They have been messaging throughout the night when I have been asleep. This girl is 19 and my DH is in his 30s. One of the voice notes from her to my DH says “why don’t you want to talk to meeee” in a whiney voice but then he has been talking to her and continuously talking to her. They have also sent photos of random things to eachother like funny photos and things. The conversation from what I saw looked slightly flirty but nothing completely obvious of being unfaithful.

he has admitted it was wrong but also has got cross with me about how upset I feel. He went to give me a hug and I turned away and he smirked and laughed and tried to invalidate my feelings.

im so sad and feel like i am overreacting.

Disgusting. Clearly flirting with a much younger woman and seems completely indifferent to your feelings. I wouldn’t be able to get past this, what do you think would have happened if she’d suggesting meeting up in person?

You're not overreacting.

Your 30+ year old husband should not be messaging his mates 19 year old girlfriend. She clearly fancies him and he's enjoying the attention. I'd tell him to stop or you'll tell his friend.

Yuck 🤢 get rid

It's so disrespectful. I'm not sure how you move past such a thing to be honest, he's obviously sniffing around elsewhere to see what he can get. That alone would have me heading out the door.

He says I am over reacting and if I don’t trust him now our relationship should be over! He says I have no reason not to trust him.

He said I was guilt tripping him when I was upset

Have you asked him how he’d feel and whether he’d trust you if he found hundreds of flirtatious messages between you and another man?

Hes gaslighting you. He’s the one who has done something wrong yet here he is making you feel bad for not trusting him. Don’t fall for it.

He is massively in the wrong here and he's trying to make out that it's your fault for reacting wrongly! What a dickhead.

@flubber975 he said he wouldn’t care if he found them on my phone!

Could they maybe just be friends?

What an absolute loser, sorry. You should dump

Well is that how you message your friends?

That's the kind of ultimatum that has a clear outcome in my opinion. He's literally telling you what to do.

He's grooming a 19 year old, and I say grooming because there's a clear power differential here, he's one of her dad's mates. This is vile. You have every reason to be repulsed by him, and feel that remaining in a relationship with him is not something that you want because you're so grossed out by not only his actions, but his switching the blame onto you.

What an absolute headworking cunt OP.

When did you last spend all night sending cosy giggly messages to your mate's 19 year old son.

No, thought not.

Bullshit.

Op I know it’s hard but don’t tolerate this utter disrespect. He isn’t even sorry. He will carry on doing it if not with her then someone else.

You aren’t over reacting. Trust your gut.

She is stroking his ego. Before long she will be stroking something else.
He is a creep .. Will he really be much of a loss to you ?

No she’s his friends girlfriend! Not son. His friend is much younger than him.

Don't let him spin this that your reaction to his behaviour is The Problem.

His behaviour is the problem. You know what you saw, you know what it means, do not let him get in your ear and confuse you with his manipulative bullshit and make you doubt your own reality.

Trust yourself, you know what you know. Don't replace that with what he wants you to believe because it serves him. That's not your role in this life.

It's not ok hun and you know it!!

This doesn't really make it any better, she's his friend's girlfriend, my error, I mistakenly thought it was his friend's daughter.

But that makes it worse if anything.

Would his much younger friend care though? The reaction to that will tell you all you need to know.

As an aside, if he and this young woman were such good friends, and it was innocent, he's have told you all about it in advance, wouldn't he.
He certainly wouldn't have become defensive about his phone.
And he'd probably have included you in this oh so innocent friendship.

Girlfriend not daughter.

Dump him. The only way you could know there were hundreds of messages on Snapchat is that they have saved the messages. Otherwise you'd only see messages in the last 24 hours. That isn't an innocent friendship.

TBF whiny voice notes is enough reason to dump him imo.

If he's so ok with it, start messaging her boyfriend @whatasituationisthis since he has such a good friendship with her, they will both be fine with the boyfriend being close friends with you too right?