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Original poster

Expressed a single concern and got discarded?

109 replies

Laura2121 · 22/09/2026 23:40

Hello all,

I’ve recently had a bit of a quizzical, unpleasant situation in my dating life, and would love some thoughts and perspectives.

I recently met a new guy through a walking group that I’m in. We’re both in our mid 30s; he’s a couple of years younger than me. We met briefly at a couple of the group walking events and then we started texting. He asked me to meet up one on one, which I agreed to.

He took me out for lunch. I think he had a nice time since he was happy to stay for 4 hours and mentioned afterwards that he’d like to do it again. I found him interesting as a person when we met up, however I didn’t feel much like we connected- things seemed to revolve largely around him and he didn’t ask me much about myself at all. I was willing to see how things go however, so was happy to keep engaging with him for the time being.

Our date came at a time when he was preparing for a big walking challenge that he was going to do a few days after. This was the main focus of our conversations on the date as well as in the days following, in which I was being very supportive. He was raising money for a charity in the challenge, for which I had also donated previously, about something that affected “someone he knew well” but he was reluctant to say who this was during the date, which I had hoped he would (I already knew a bit of the backstory from his Just Giving page when I had made a donation myself previously). Nevertheless, I was being very supportive in the lead up to his big day and he seemed to love sharing with me how his prep was going and all, taking lots of pictures on the day too and updating me through the challenge, again for which I was being supportive and present.

However, in the week following this big challenge that he did, he was a lot less engaged with me. Texts from him started to get infrequent, he stopped watching my social media stories and my messages were going unread; he was doing what seemed like a slow fade. This was over several days rather than in the immediate aftermath where ofcourse he would have been tired and needing to recover. It made me feel as though he may have just wanted me around as a source of emotional support for the big walking challenge and that he then didn’t need me anymore when it was done. What reinforced this feeling further was how he had said before the challenge that we would definitely arrange another meetup together “as soon as he can walk again after it”, but he made no mention of this at any time that week after the challenge despite going out for another social occasion with the walking group (they had a drinks night on which I couldn’t attend).

After seeing this indifferent attitude play out for a few days, I thought I’d gently broach the way I was feeling with him, to check whether this was still something worth investing my time and energy into.

He reassured me that yes things were still very much on and that he was looking forward to seeing me again, that he was just tired that whole week following the challenge, which was all I needed to hear. I apologised for not being more understanding about how he must still be tired from the big challenge, wished him a good recovery and returned his feelings in that I was also looking forward to seeing him when we could too.

However, the next day, he appeared to do a U turn. He criticised me for feeling the way I did and said it had now given him doubts himself about whether he does want to see me again or not.

Since all of this was over text, I suggested that we have a chat on the phone so that we could clear up any misunderstandings that may have arisen on both ends over message, especially given that we had only really met and properly spoken once. He ignored this, so I thought I’d explain myself further over another message the next day and say that unfortunately, I have had a couple of experiences in the past where men have tried using me and my companionship to get through certain things in their life (such as a divorce as was a recent experience), so I just wanted to check that we were both on the same page with things here, that was all.

My tone was gentle and polite but this message seemed to anger him further however, and he again accused me of feeling the way I did and for insinuating that he may have been using me “which shows that I really don’t know him at all”. He then blocked me.

I am left quite confused by how just expressing my feelings and a perfectly rational concern, which was squashed nicely at first before being used viciously against me all of a sudden for no reason, led to this person completely cutting me off. Even if my concern was indeed unfounded, why not just reassure me with maturity and let it go at that, rather than cut me off over ‘not knowing him well enough’? Surely he would know that we had only met once…

Would love some perspective. Thank you

OP posts:
Dery · 23/09/2026 23:07

“but I do like to have certainty as to help me move on
I understand that feeling but in my experience people’s actions give me far more certainty than their words. If someone says they would like to meet up but don’t want to arrange that there and then, I say ok and that I will wait to hear from them. Then I do that and crack on with my life and put them out of my mind. It’s not easy when I really want to see that person again but tbh I’m fairly sure when people aren’t keen to make arrangements it’s because they aren’t keen to see me again. I know if I want to see someone I want to arrange to do that. I honestly think paying attention to what people do rather than what they say is best”

This with bells on. The fact that he didn’t contact you gave you all the information you needed and you make your own closure from that. It would be one thing if you were in an established relationship but you scarcely knew each other so chasing him down for explanations was a bit excessive and gives him too much power. Nevermind, OP. Onwards and upwards.

ViciousCurrentBun · 23/09/2026 23:10

What was the walking challenge! If you do not want to say it was the three peaks, which I’m guessing it was or something like that what kind of mileage and ascent?

You sound like a nice person but quite serious I agree that much energy used for one get together is not good at all for you. Best advice is if you’re second guessing a man then get rid of him. Life is too short for that shite.

Minasama · 23/09/2026 23:12

I’ve read the rest of your post, and I think you may be underestimating the amount of difference in communication style that exists between a highly academic analytical thinker and someone who got out of school as soon as they could and doesn’t have a professional career. Unless there was a real meeting of the minds here, it seems unlikely to have been compatible long term.

Original poster
Laura2121 · 24/09/2026 00:02

Hello all,

Thank you for your further posts, very helpful once again. The walking challenge that he did was a 100Km walk. He had been physically and mentally preparing the whole year for it, and I do feel he just wanted a girl around for it as to make him feel more motivated at that critical time, possibly in the absence of an ex perhaps who might have been the person he was raising money for; his reluctance to disclose this information when it came up on our date renders this likely from my perspective.

The difference in our backgrounds indeed instilled a lot of incompatibility between us, but I always like to give people a chance no matter how different we are. There were elements of him that I did find endearing and that were keeping me somewhat interested, such as how different to my ex he was. eg my ex had a lot of confidence issues (he used me to feel uplifted because I tend to give people a lot of compliments) and was more in touch with his feminine than his masculine side, but this guy seemed different which I found appealing and a breath of fresh air from that experience.

I should clarify that it wasn’t that I went chasing after this guy for an explanation after a few days of feeling the fade out. I did this more as a jokey statement, after he took 10 hours to reply to a simple message I sent during this time to ask him how he was. I said words to the effect of,

“ok well it looks as though my main role was to get you through that big day so it seems like I’m no longer needed! 😝”

Ironically, he read this message from me that evening but didn’t reply to it until 12 hours later still, the next morning, saying,

“he hopes he hasn’t made me feel like that.. he did want to share the big challenge with me and thought I’d like to have been part of the experience with him” ,

which I responded with something like

“sure, it was nice to share in the experience, but it just seems as though he wanted me around just as a cheerleader for it since the dynamic seems to be quite different this week ever since he did it”

to which he said “nothing has changed for him at all, he still feels the same way about me that he did before, he’s just been really physically and mentally drained this week, that’s all, but he’s really enjoyed getting to know me and has been looking forward to the next time he’d see me”

That did make me feel more positive about things and willing to keep investing my time and attention to it. It even made me want to apologise for not being more understanding, express patience and say that yes, when he’s back on his feet it would be lovely to see him again.

That is why the 180 turnaround the next day took me by such surprise. He had no reason to get angry to the extent that he did from just “having thought about everything” as he said; it does seem as though he didn’t like being found out that he did just want me around for the walk, or even that he actually thought about it for the first time properly and realised that actually this was true, and he needed an ‘out’, opting to use my concern against me as a way out in that ‘how could I accuse him of being someone who uses people, this has shown him that we are not right for each other at all’ etc. He seems a smart enough guy so it must have crossed his mind that I really didn’t know him all that well anyway so an error of judgement on my part, if it were that, should be forgiven?
But this is clearly not what this was about.

It has reminded me somewhat that I should aim for men who do have a more similar background and communication style to me and who share the same values that I do. His behaviour towards me was unwarranted, he could have brought things to a close with more honesty and grace. It has made me even more careful with who I let in that’s for sure!!

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 24/09/2026 03:27

To be honest, if someone said this to be after a few dates, I would probably also lose interest. It’s too much too soon! From your side though, it sounds like you aren’t compatible and it’s left you free to pursue someone else that might be.

iamnotalemon · 24/09/2026 03:30

@Laura2121 just read your update and you say he could have brought things to a close with more honesty and grace? But you sent him what sounds like passive aggressive sarcastic messages, rather than handling it in a better way, so I’m not sure you handled it with much honesty or grace either. I can see it from both sides tbh.

allthingsinmoderation · 24/09/2026 08:07

Laura2121 · 24/09/2026 00:02

Hello all,

Thank you for your further posts, very helpful once again. The walking challenge that he did was a 100Km walk. He had been physically and mentally preparing the whole year for it, and I do feel he just wanted a girl around for it as to make him feel more motivated at that critical time, possibly in the absence of an ex perhaps who might have been the person he was raising money for; his reluctance to disclose this information when it came up on our date renders this likely from my perspective.

The difference in our backgrounds indeed instilled a lot of incompatibility between us, but I always like to give people a chance no matter how different we are. There were elements of him that I did find endearing and that were keeping me somewhat interested, such as how different to my ex he was. eg my ex had a lot of confidence issues (he used me to feel uplifted because I tend to give people a lot of compliments) and was more in touch with his feminine than his masculine side, but this guy seemed different which I found appealing and a breath of fresh air from that experience.

I should clarify that it wasn’t that I went chasing after this guy for an explanation after a few days of feeling the fade out. I did this more as a jokey statement, after he took 10 hours to reply to a simple message I sent during this time to ask him how he was. I said words to the effect of,

“ok well it looks as though my main role was to get you through that big day so it seems like I’m no longer needed! 😝”

Ironically, he read this message from me that evening but didn’t reply to it until 12 hours later still, the next morning, saying,

“he hopes he hasn’t made me feel like that.. he did want to share the big challenge with me and thought I’d like to have been part of the experience with him” ,

which I responded with something like

“sure, it was nice to share in the experience, but it just seems as though he wanted me around just as a cheerleader for it since the dynamic seems to be quite different this week ever since he did it”

to which he said “nothing has changed for him at all, he still feels the same way about me that he did before, he’s just been really physically and mentally drained this week, that’s all, but he’s really enjoyed getting to know me and has been looking forward to the next time he’d see me”

That did make me feel more positive about things and willing to keep investing my time and attention to it. It even made me want to apologise for not being more understanding, express patience and say that yes, when he’s back on his feet it would be lovely to see him again.

That is why the 180 turnaround the next day took me by such surprise. He had no reason to get angry to the extent that he did from just “having thought about everything” as he said; it does seem as though he didn’t like being found out that he did just want me around for the walk, or even that he actually thought about it for the first time properly and realised that actually this was true, and he needed an ‘out’, opting to use my concern against me as a way out in that ‘how could I accuse him of being someone who uses people, this has shown him that we are not right for each other at all’ etc. He seems a smart enough guy so it must have crossed his mind that I really didn’t know him all that well anyway so an error of judgement on my part, if it were that, should be forgiven?
But this is clearly not what this was about.

It has reminded me somewhat that I should aim for men who do have a more similar background and communication style to me and who share the same values that I do. His behaviour towards me was unwarranted, he could have brought things to a close with more honesty and grace. It has made me even more careful with who I let in that’s for sure!!

Edited

To be honest if someone doesnt answer for 10 hrs and you badger them with a passive aggressive/sarcastic quip it would put someone off if their personality doesn't suit that style of communication.
If you recognise someone is fading you out ,don't press the matter, it will never end well.
If he was interested he would have made it clear .
Im sorry he wasnt for you and hope you fid someone you are compatible with.

BettyBeauty · 24/09/2026 15:00

With your last update are you sure you’re not trolling us?

your updates are really intense and it sounds like you’d had a bit of an argument via text what with you accusing him of only wanting a cheerleader.

shared values doesn’t mean you both need to like Christmas. I think you need to examine why you a) proceeded with a second date despite saying you knew it wasn’t viable anyway and b) are analysing it to death on here

ForNoisyCat · 26/09/2026 23:35

How dare he diminish your feelings and undermine you this way, you had concerns and being an adult you raised these with him. Hes a dick and was using you

Original poster
Laura2121 · 27/09/2026 12:18

ForNoisyCat · 26/09/2026 23:35

How dare he diminish your feelings and undermine you this way, you had concerns and being an adult you raised these with him. Hes a dick and was using you

Thank you so much, it still does feel quite sad, I’m someone who values connection and did find him interesting initially, it’s just a shame he wasn’t someone with more self-awareness.

He couldn’t handle the fact that I felt he was using me- this is odd because if he genuinely wasn’t and did care about building a connection with me, he would have wanted to cultivate this and alleviate the concern rather than use it as an excuse to bail.

Some people are criticising me for being too “intense” with approaching him about my concern, but I didn’t want to waste my time any further, and also I brought up the concern in a jokey way rather than writing some long serious message as to add a ‘playful’ touch to it. I was ready to pull the plug when I sent that to be fair, it was an opportunity for him to come clean about it and we’d go our separate ways, but he was the one who then dragged it on and explained that no, he was just tired that whole week, he is still looking forward to seeing me again, etc.

If he left it at that it would have been ok, but the next day he did a complete 180 from just “having thought about it”, which is what led to longer messages from both sides- especially because he ignored my initial response to have a phone call to check that we weren’t misunderstanding each other.

He was angry that the thought that he was using me even crossed my mind. Given that we’d only had one date and hardly knew each other, I’m not sure why he wasn’t more understanding of me getting a false impression- he kept using the logic that “he didn’t feel any differently about me so not sure why I would think he was using me”, rather than thinking about why his actions would have given me that ‘wrong impression’ if indeed it was that. In his mind, his worldview is the only view, everyone else should read his mind or be discarded if they don’t.

He flat out blocked me on WhatsApp as well as the social platform app which our walking group is on, which was a bit extreme and unnecessary- what did I do so wrong? I was feeling quite peeved about it all so I then did send him a final SMS (which was still unblocked) where I gave him a piece of my mind and said if he continues to see people as commodities and human beings, he will be alone for a long time, and goodbye.

The walking group that we are both in is one that I am relatively new to, because I am still new in town. Just the other day I joined their WhatsApp group chat, and then I see that he leaves the group chat soon after seeing that I’m there! I noticed this because I was the 100th member to join the chat, and soon afterwards I saw that there were 99 members again, and saw in the chat’s member history that he left soon after I joined, and also the fact that he has been the only member to have left the group chat in the last two months.

I found this quite upsetting, and I did feel bad about my last message to him where I said those things and thought it must have upset him quite a lot. I then sent him a very final SMS (he still hadn’t blocked me on there) which had a kinder tone, to say that whatever happened between us shouldn’t impinge on other connections that we make within the walking group, and that I was sorry for the hostility that I showed in my last message to him, that I was just hurt from feeling like I had been taken advantage of, and that I genuinely wish him all the best. He’s still chosen to stay out of the group chat and this is sad, he is missing out on nice things within it, but I guess that’s that. I feel he has some issues within himself that he needs to sort out.

OP posts:
ForNoisyCat · 27/09/2026 12:23

Laura2121 · 27/09/2026 12:18

Thank you so much, it still does feel quite sad, I’m someone who values connection and did find him interesting initially, it’s just a shame he wasn’t someone with more self-awareness.

He couldn’t handle the fact that I felt he was using me- this is odd because if he genuinely wasn’t and did care about building a connection with me, he would have wanted to cultivate this and alleviate the concern rather than use it as an excuse to bail.

Some people are criticising me for being too “intense” with approaching him about my concern, but I didn’t want to waste my time any further, and also I brought up the concern in a jokey way rather than writing some long serious message as to add a ‘playful’ touch to it. I was ready to pull the plug when I sent that to be fair, it was an opportunity for him to come clean about it and we’d go our separate ways, but he was the one who then dragged it on and explained that no, he was just tired that whole week, he is still looking forward to seeing me again, etc.

If he left it at that it would have been ok, but the next day he did a complete 180 from just “having thought about it”, which is what led to longer messages from both sides- especially because he ignored my initial response to have a phone call to check that we weren’t misunderstanding each other.

He was angry that the thought that he was using me even crossed my mind. Given that we’d only had one date and hardly knew each other, I’m not sure why he wasn’t more understanding of me getting a false impression- he kept using the logic that “he didn’t feel any differently about me so not sure why I would think he was using me”, rather than thinking about why his actions would have given me that ‘wrong impression’ if indeed it was that. In his mind, his worldview is the only view, everyone else should read his mind or be discarded if they don’t.

He flat out blocked me on WhatsApp as well as the social platform app which our walking group is on, which was a bit extreme and unnecessary- what did I do so wrong? I was feeling quite peeved about it all so I then did send him a final SMS (which was still unblocked) where I gave him a piece of my mind and said if he continues to see people as commodities and human beings, he will be alone for a long time, and goodbye.

The walking group that we are both in is one that I am relatively new to, because I am still new in town. Just the other day I joined their WhatsApp group chat, and then I see that he leaves the group chat soon after seeing that I’m there! I noticed this because I was the 100th member to join the chat, and soon afterwards I saw that there were 99 members again, and saw in the chat’s member history that he left soon after I joined, and also the fact that he has been the only member to have left the group chat in the last two months.

I found this quite upsetting, and I did feel bad about my last message to him where I said those things and thought it must have upset him quite a lot. I then sent him a very final SMS (he still hadn’t blocked me on there) which had a kinder tone, to say that whatever happened between us shouldn’t impinge on other connections that we make within the walking group, and that I was sorry for the hostility that I showed in my last message to him, that I was just hurt from feeling like I had been taken advantage of, and that I genuinely wish him all the best. He’s still chosen to stay out of the group chat and this is sad, he is missing out on nice things within it, but I guess that’s that. I feel he has some issues within himself that he needs to sort out.

Show quote history

don’t give up your walking group. It will be difficult at first to see him in the group but yiu will easily be able to chat to other people and gradually You ‘l become more comfortable again. All the best

Original poster
Laura2121 · 27/09/2026 12:34

ForNoisyCat · 27/09/2026 12:23

don’t give up your walking group. It will be difficult at first to see him in the group but yiu will easily be able to chat to other people and gradually You ‘l become more comfortable again. All the best

Show quote history

Thank you, oh no I don’t intend do this at all, it’s just a shame that he seems to be detaching from the group himself owing to what happened with us. I have found this upsetting 😪 It might be that he’s realised he’s not in a place to make new connections with people after all.

OP posts:
eveningprimrose74 · 27/09/2026 12:43

Upon first reading this i thought the guy had mistaken a date to just 2 people meeting up. Men can be a bit thick at times, but reading on, he is blowing hot n cold then making out this is your fault.
Sorry but dodge a bullet & delete his number.

Viviennemary · 27/09/2026 12:48

You were far too invested in this after only a couple of dates. He was fading it out but when you challenged him (big mistake) he turned it back on you. Just let it go.

EmpressStorm · 27/09/2026 12:49

This is seriously obsessional for one lunch date op and very unhealthy

Mycatiscraycray · 27/09/2026 13:00

I don’t think he was equal to the reassurance you seemed to keep needing from him. You listened to him droning on about the walking challenge (hats off to you, I’d have been bored shitless) then you expected his attention in return. Being a deeply selfish bellend he wasn’t prepared to do this. Fuck him off out of it.

Original poster
Laura2121 · 27/09/2026 13:16

Mycatiscraycray · 27/09/2026 13:00

I don’t think he was equal to the reassurance you seemed to keep needing from him. You listened to him droning on about the walking challenge (hats off to you, I’d have been bored shitless) then you expected his attention in return. Being a deeply selfish bellend he wasn’t prepared to do this. Fuck him off out of it.

Thank you, yes it was obvious that he just needed a lady friend to get him through it, I could see this clearly but just wanted him to come clean. Wasn’t right of him to try to mess with the head and be like ofcourse not, I do like you and it wasn’t about that! Only to do another turnaround the next day. What happened to good old honesty and respecting other people’s time and energy 🙄

OP posts:
rrreally · 27/09/2026 13:46

Unfortunately I haven't met many in the dating situation that aren't self absorbed. It can get really frustrating and I try not to say anything but occasionally can't help myself. Last one I said 'Sorry but this is going to sound harsh, I am not here to teach you how to communicate'. He was at least trying to be fair, but didn't have much of a clue. In my experience they seem to just take it all really personally of course rather than using it as an opportunity to grow and try to understand someone else's needs. You have actually done him a favour in a way but come out the bad guy because you have been honest and somewhere along the line that might help him if he ever decides to look inward! You don't owe anyone honesty though.

Gone are the days when I would sit through an hour of someone talking about themselves and asking nothing about me. I don't waste my energy.

As well as wasting your energy it seems like you are expecting him to treat you in the way you are treating him i.e. respectful interest and that just isn't happening here.

I agree with PP's, you are getting very invested, very early on. Take some time to get to know them first is my advice, and much less of a waste of your time and energy.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 27/09/2026 14:01

Viviennemary · 27/09/2026 12:48

You were far too invested in this after only a couple of dates. He was fading it out but when you challenged him (big mistake) he turned it back on you. Just let it go.

after only a couple of dates

No, after one date! A lunch. That’s it.

grinandslothit · 27/09/2026 14:12

After everything you said about him I don't understand why you were interested in him at all? Why were you interested in him? Was he attractive at least?
From my perspective he was boring, self-absorbed, had no interest in learning about you, unemployed, no education, nothing in common

Original poster
Laura2121 · 27/09/2026 21:06

Thank you for your further replies. I’m just confused as to why he is so averse to being in the same place as me after what happened that he even left our walking group’s WhatsApp chat because I joined, and it looks like he’s also actively avoiding going to any of the walking group’s events that I’m going to (the attendee list for each event is visible to all). I don’t get it?! Yes I may have become a little more invested than he but it’s all done now, why should what happened mean he literally can’t stand me as to also avoid associating with the group altogether now? Crazy 🤔

OP posts:
YankeeDad · 27/09/2026 21:30

sherbetlemonade · 22/09/2026 23:48

He's a self-absorbed twat. Bullet dodged.

^this

grinandslothit · 28/09/2026 01:36

Laura2121 · 27/09/2026 21:06

Thank you for your further replies. I’m just confused as to why he is so averse to being in the same place as me after what happened that he even left our walking group’s WhatsApp chat because I joined, and it looks like he’s also actively avoiding going to any of the walking group’s events that I’m going to (the attendee list for each event is visible to all). I don’t get it?! Yes I may have become a little more invested than he but it’s all done now, why should what happened mean he literally can’t stand me as to also avoid associating with the group altogether now? Crazy 🤔

That's a good thing. then you don't have to deal with him anymore
The reason he left was very simple he's a coward

FloralHut · 28/09/2026 03:43

Laura2121 · 22/09/2026 23:40

Hello all,

I’ve recently had a bit of a quizzical, unpleasant situation in my dating life, and would love some thoughts and perspectives.

I recently met a new guy through a walking group that I’m in. We’re both in our mid 30s; he’s a couple of years younger than me. We met briefly at a couple of the group walking events and then we started texting. He asked me to meet up one on one, which I agreed to.

He took me out for lunch. I think he had a nice time since he was happy to stay for 4 hours and mentioned afterwards that he’d like to do it again. I found him interesting as a person when we met up, however I didn’t feel much like we connected- things seemed to revolve largely around him and he didn’t ask me much about myself at all. I was willing to see how things go however, so was happy to keep engaging with him for the time being.

Our date came at a time when he was preparing for a big walking challenge that he was going to do a few days after. This was the main focus of our conversations on the date as well as in the days following, in which I was being very supportive. He was raising money for a charity in the challenge, for which I had also donated previously, about something that affected “someone he knew well” but he was reluctant to say who this was during the date, which I had hoped he would (I already knew a bit of the backstory from his Just Giving page when I had made a donation myself previously). Nevertheless, I was being very supportive in the lead up to his big day and he seemed to love sharing with me how his prep was going and all, taking lots of pictures on the day too and updating me through the challenge, again for which I was being supportive and present.

However, in the week following this big challenge that he did, he was a lot less engaged with me. Texts from him started to get infrequent, he stopped watching my social media stories and my messages were going unread; he was doing what seemed like a slow fade. This was over several days rather than in the immediate aftermath where ofcourse he would have been tired and needing to recover. It made me feel as though he may have just wanted me around as a source of emotional support for the big walking challenge and that he then didn’t need me anymore when it was done. What reinforced this feeling further was how he had said before the challenge that we would definitely arrange another meetup together “as soon as he can walk again after it”, but he made no mention of this at any time that week after the challenge despite going out for another social occasion with the walking group (they had a drinks night on which I couldn’t attend).

After seeing this indifferent attitude play out for a few days, I thought I’d gently broach the way I was feeling with him, to check whether this was still something worth investing my time and energy into.

He reassured me that yes things were still very much on and that he was looking forward to seeing me again, that he was just tired that whole week following the challenge, which was all I needed to hear. I apologised for not being more understanding about how he must still be tired from the big challenge, wished him a good recovery and returned his feelings in that I was also looking forward to seeing him when we could too.

However, the next day, he appeared to do a U turn. He criticised me for feeling the way I did and said it had now given him doubts himself about whether he does want to see me again or not.

Since all of this was over text, I suggested that we have a chat on the phone so that we could clear up any misunderstandings that may have arisen on both ends over message, especially given that we had only really met and properly spoken once. He ignored this, so I thought I’d explain myself further over another message the next day and say that unfortunately, I have had a couple of experiences in the past where men have tried using me and my companionship to get through certain things in their life (such as a divorce as was a recent experience), so I just wanted to check that we were both on the same page with things here, that was all.

My tone was gentle and polite but this message seemed to anger him further however, and he again accused me of feeling the way I did and for insinuating that he may have been using me “which shows that I really don’t know him at all”. He then blocked me.

I am left quite confused by how just expressing my feelings and a perfectly rational concern, which was squashed nicely at first before being used viciously against me all of a sudden for no reason, led to this person completely cutting me off. Even if my concern was indeed unfounded, why not just reassure me with maturity and let it go at that, rather than cut me off over ‘not knowing him well enough’? Surely he would know that we had only met once…

Would love some perspective. Thank you

Text is incredibly low investment contact.

A lot of people just like a text buddy for sexting/emotional support/boredom but don't really want to meet.

Dating can be brutal but having boundaries around messaging definitely helps.

You meet up 1-1.

You then should have decided if you wanted to see him again, and then left the ball in his court.

If he wanted to send loads of texts in the interim period reply briefly a day later. Thumbs up or smiley face. No need to do deep dives or questions. Close down chat politely.

Anything that isn't planning the next date is superfluous tbh.

Often you feel drained and overinvested as it's easy to get addicted to the WhatsApp notifications and feel "close" when you're not really.

I actually like a bit of online chat but I get my fix through Mumsnet or Reddit or friends. Not men I'm interested in dating.

housemouse11 · 28/09/2026 04:07

Sounds like you are leagues ahead of this guy, OP. He sounds like a drain and opposite to your communication style of talking it out like an adult. He sounds immature.