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I think my partners belifes are affecting my feeling for him

139 replies

ChromaticSeal · 21/09/2026 09:32

Hello, its my first time posting anywhere and I hope this would be a right place. I'm sorry in advance for any mistakes; English is not my first language.

I'm 26 years old woman, my parter is 30 years old male. We are from different countries and are currently long distance but we've been in a relationship for 2 years now. We are of two different political sides, im more left leaning he is more right leaning. I'm an atheist and he was never really religious but recently he said he is finding comfort in God and is becoming more of a agnostic/starting beliving person. I'm a child-free person while he said he would like to be a father but its never explicitly been said that he wants to have kids. I'm pro-choice and he is only okay with abortion is extreame cases. As you can see our political views does not align in a lot of ways. I could spend even more time pointing out the differences. When we are together and not talking about anything politics/religion related we are the happiest couple ever. We had some minor disagreements on some unrelated topics but they ususally get resolved quick anda are mostly misunderstandings.When it comes to the other topics however, things get very bad very quick. Full blown fights, insults, threatenings of breakup or even actual short break ups, we had 3... Honetsly, every fights its getting more exhausting. We alwasy come back to the good time util another political issue is being brought up. Recently he's been very vocal about preserving white race, he is a big beliver of a replacment theory. After some relatively peaceful conversation, I came to an understanding he wants more white children to be born, more people to become more religious and more people to become conservative. All which im not. I'm not religious, dont want to ever become reigiou and carry some trauma regarding this. I dont want to have any children, dont want to be pregnant and the idea of even an accident terrifies me, I'm also not good with kids and not a kid person. I'm not consrvative and wont become one either... After seeing some of his instagram repost recently, I'm starting to get suspicious he is getting more and more alt right, saw some post that comments carried a lot of misogynistic takes, like how women should have their voting rights removed, full with racism and anti LGBTQ takes, the posts themselves are never of the severty or content that comments carry but the vids are often milder takes of them. After seeing a lot of that it feels like something changed and broke inside me. I'm terrified he might wnat to convert me during our relationship, maybe make me have kids, it is all gotitng to the point I rn feelemotionally numb, I dont want to have intimacy, I dont want to hang out but I'm too scared to talk about any of my concerns. I dont know what to do. He never outright said any of the things, he supposedly doesnt belive in taking away voting rights or anything like that but the fear is juts lingering. Is there a possibilty im overthingking everything or should we sit down for an actual conversation with risk of a big fight or breakup? Our relationship was always amazing outside of that, he healed a lot of parts of me as well as I helped him, I want him in my life. Exept it feels like i want the nonpolitical part and not full package. From his perspective he says my beliefs are not important to him that they are nto matiching cuz im more than my beliefs, Is it really possible to be able to seperate a person like that? I'm lost...

OP posts:
Ballysaggartmore · 26/09/2026 00:46

You're not from Thailand by any chance, are you? And he happens to be white British? Sorry, I hope no offence taken, but I know of two British men just like this, with Thai brides awaiting, albeit a lot older than 30, and they are just like your bf.

He sounds horrible. You can do much better.

ChromaticSeal · 26/09/2026 00:57

Ballysaggartmore · 26/09/2026 00:46

You're not from Thailand by any chance, are you? And he happens to be white British? Sorry, I hope no offence taken, but I know of two British men just like this, with Thai brides awaiting, albeit a lot older than 30, and they are just like your bf.

He sounds horrible. You can do much better.

No no, we are both from Europe. I would rather not share too much for privacy reasons but I'm from a Slavic country meanwhile he is from Balkan one. I understand however that the similarities must've been shocking... I'll be safe from this situation soon enough.

OP posts:
InterIgnis · 26/09/2026 02:22

ChromaticSeal · 26/09/2026 00:57

No no, we are both from Europe. I would rather not share too much for privacy reasons but I'm from a Slavic country meanwhile he is from Balkan one. I understand however that the similarities must've been shocking... I'll be safe from this situation soon enough.

We’re predominantly Slavic in the Balkans. South Slavs. If he’s not Slavic, then I suspect he’s Albanian/Kosovar Albanian. If so, Kosovo and Albania are arguably the most socially conservative and patriarchal countries in the Balkans, so his views aren’t unusual in that context. For example, a common attitude is that if a man marries ‘out’ it’s fine, but a woman marrying ‘out’ is another matter entirely. You have very, very different cultural and social norms, shaped by different histories.

That isn’t to say that these attitudes don’t exist elsewhere in the Balkans because holy shit do they. There’s a lot of division along national and religious lines in the Balkans, and religious identity is deeply connected to national identity even for agnostics or atheists. The wars in the 90s saw it all blow up and they really weren’t all that long ago, and those tensions were existing ones that were only kept in check by Tito.

Spidey66 · 26/09/2026 02:32

It’s not often I say LTB as I think at times the phrase is bandied about too often on MN but I’ll make an exception here.

more red flags than a meeting of the Communist Party.

PPAPPINE · 26/09/2026 03:03

He’s horrible. You need therapy and to leave him. If you can turn a blind eye and stay with a racist misogynist because you can just ignore it then you aren’t much better yourself at some point .

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 26/09/2026 03:53

I’ll be honest. If we were friends I would stop hanging around you because I would assume you were racist and homophobic too.

i would find it hard to understand staying with someone who finds someone like me less than. I’m also an adoptive parent.

I think you need to reflect on if it’s worth it to continue to expose you to hate.

He’s not a good and kind man if he treats others like shit. Being kind to your partner is the bare minimum for a human. Lots of awful people love their spouse.

ChromaticSeal · 26/09/2026 07:40

InterIgnis · 26/09/2026 02:22

We’re predominantly Slavic in the Balkans. South Slavs. If he’s not Slavic, then I suspect he’s Albanian/Kosovar Albanian. If so, Kosovo and Albania are arguably the most socially conservative and patriarchal countries in the Balkans, so his views aren’t unusual in that context. For example, a common attitude is that if a man marries ‘out’ it’s fine, but a woman marrying ‘out’ is another matter entirely. You have very, very different cultural and social norms, shaped by different histories.

That isn’t to say that these attitudes don’t exist elsewhere in the Balkans because holy shit do they. There’s a lot of division along national and religious lines in the Balkans, and religious identity is deeply connected to national identity even for agnostics or atheists. The wars in the 90s saw it all blow up and they really weren’t all that long ago, and those tensions were existing ones that were only kept in check by Tito.

I think more info would be better actually and I only did it cuz Im anxious he will somehow find the post and all...He's Greek, they are very conservative and patrialach people from what I gathered... I'm polish so it's a big conservative country too in which I always felt trapped. The homophobia and hate towards child free people here is a big issue and I was hoping to find a partner more accepting and I just know my current boyfriend it's not it... He doesn't accept me fully, thinks he can change me. I believe someone out there already said he will try to "mold me" to fit his standards and beliefs, I was just too blind with the need of love to see it...

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 26/09/2026 08:08

This relationship isn't 'real love' though its more like being star struck with a film star. Stick to your guns and end it now. There are loads of more reasonable men out there. Maybe you should try and establish more friendships and take it from there.

Catza · 26/09/2026 08:14

ChromaticSeal · 26/09/2026 07:40

I think more info would be better actually and I only did it cuz Im anxious he will somehow find the post and all...He's Greek, they are very conservative and patrialach people from what I gathered... I'm polish so it's a big conservative country too in which I always felt trapped. The homophobia and hate towards child free people here is a big issue and I was hoping to find a partner more accepting and I just know my current boyfriend it's not it... He doesn't accept me fully, thinks he can change me. I believe someone out there already said he will try to "mold me" to fit his standards and beliefs, I was just too blind with the need of love to see it...

A massive well done for making a very difficult decision to end the relationship. I know it's been quite a journey for you and must have been very uncomfortable and, dare I say, traumatic to realise the truth about your partner as well as events that led you to accept this as "normal".
Believe me, you are making a giant leap towards a better future and a better relationship to follow.
Com back and let us know how it went. Keep safe x

Becuriousnotjudgemental1980 · 26/09/2026 08:21

Yeah he’s not a good person and you know it. I dated a guy once and it came out he thought the holocaust was faked and said if we ever had kids he wouldn’t allow me to vaccinate them (!) o ran for the hills!!

InterIgnis · 26/09/2026 16:25

ChromaticSeal · 26/09/2026 07:40

I think more info would be better actually and I only did it cuz Im anxious he will somehow find the post and all...He's Greek, they are very conservative and patrialach people from what I gathered... I'm polish so it's a big conservative country too in which I always felt trapped. The homophobia and hate towards child free people here is a big issue and I was hoping to find a partner more accepting and I just know my current boyfriend it's not it... He doesn't accept me fully, thinks he can change me. I believe someone out there already said he will try to "mold me" to fit his standards and beliefs, I was just too blind with the need of love to see it...

Ah, I was thinking Jugoslavia, but Greek also makes sense. Similar mindset when it comes to cultural and national identity. If you’re looking for someone with western socially progressive values then you’re better off looking to the west.

He will likely want you to change in order to make the relationship work (if he’s from a traditional family you can bet there’ll be pressure there too. It doesn’t matter that you’re atheist, you’re a Catholic atheist), but then you want him to change him for the same. Ultimately you are incompatible, and not wanting to accept that will only cause pain.

motherhoodisntfortheweak · 26/09/2026 16:53

Why waste your energy on this loser ??

Mountainpika · 26/09/2026 22:46

My husband and I have been happily together for 55 years. One reason we think we're still happy together is that we have the same views and values. OK, we differ on minor things but we certainly agree on religion (or rather we have no religious beliefs) politics, tolerance of others, honesty, finance, principles.There's more to a relationship than love.

Uricon2 · 27/09/2026 17:48

I'm quite Left wing and have friends and before marriage been out with the odd Tory and have Tory friends. Most of it is about economic differences of approach at base. Misogyny, homophobia and any kind of racism, hard no and this chap you're involved with is pretty extreme in such beliefs. Don't get sucked in any further because in the words of Sheryl Crow, you don't want to be 'living with the Freemen'.

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