My younger sister split up with her partner in July and needed somewhere to stay while she sorted herself out. She has a 6 year old son and I offered them my spare room for 6 weeks. I thought that was reasonable and obviously wanted to help her. The agreement was £100 a month towards food and bills.
At first it was all fine. I’m separated from my husband and live with my 17 year old son who is at college. My daughter is 22 and away at university so there is usually plenty of room in the house. My sister and nephew were sharing the spare room and I thought it would be ok for a short time while she found somewhere else. I wasn’t expecting her to be gone overnight but I did think 6 weeks was long enough to get things moving.
The problem is she has gradually started treating the house like it’s hers. She rearranged all the furniture in the spare room and bought a massive television for it. I didn’t mind her making it comfortable but she’s now got all her things everywhere and it doesn’t really feel like a spare room anymore. She has also started using my son’s gaming equipment and borrowing clothes without asking. He came home one day and found his things had been moved around and was understandably annoyed.
I told my sister she needs to stop using his things without asking but she said she was only trying to make the room nice for herself and her son. She said he wasn’t even using the gaming stuff most of the time so she didn’t see the problem. My son is 17, not 7, and he doesn’t want his aunt going through his things. He’s also said he feels like he can’t relax at home anymore because there is always somebody in his space.
She has also started having friends over. I don’t mind the odd visit obviously but there have been quite a few lately and sometimes I don’t even know they are coming until they turn up. The house is small and when there are extra people in it, it feels very crowded. My son has complained about people being in the house when he gets back from college and I do understand why he’s fed up. I’ve spoken to my sister about it but she thinks I’m making a fuss over nothing.
The main issue happened this week when I heard my sister telling my nephew that they could stay here until Christmas. I asked her about it and she said she had told him that because she didn’t want him worrying about where they would be living. I said that wasn’t what we agreed and she said she knows but she can’t just find a council property immediately. I do understand that but she can’t decide to stay for another few months without asking me first. I offered 6 weeks, not until Christmas.
I told her she needs to move out by the end of October. I thought that gave her time to sort something out but she got really upset and said I was putting her and her son at risk of homelessness. She said we are sisters and I should be helping her, not giving her a deadline. My daughter thinks I should let them stay longer because they have nowhere else to go and says it’s only a few more months. My son says he wants his privacy back and thinks I should stick to what I originally agreed.
I feel awful because I don’t want my sister and nephew to be homeless and I do love them. But I also feel like the arrangement has changed without my agreement and I’m now expected to just accept it. I’ve got my own home and my son to think about and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want my spare room back. I’m not saying she has to leave tomorrow but I do think the end of October is fair. AIBU?