Does he sound interested, or is he just being friendly?

[ArmyGirl845]

Just tried to post this in Chat, but it keeps disappearing

There’s this guy at my sports group …… I know him vaguely as a friend of a friend, and he’s single. We’ve both been at the same group for a while, and suddenly over the summer he caught my eye, no idea why, but I’ve developed quite a crush.There was no way I could just approach him without looking really obvious, but one evening we ended up in the same crowd having a coffee, and since then we’re on ‘hello’ terms.

So far so good. We’ve since had a very brief conversation about the weather (!) we both arrived in reception just as the heavens opened and exchanged a few words, initiated by me, I said I wish I was back abroad on my holidays, and we had a brief exchange. He was pleasant and friendly and I think I detected a hint of attraction.

So now we’re three months on, each time we see each other he aways says hello, sometimes with a big grin and a glint in his eye (sorry, I sound like a teenager!) and other times, frustratingly, just a normal hello. But even if he’s with other people, he will always acknowledge me. However this has gone no further. There have been a few times when I’ve been on my own and I thought he was going to come over, but he didn’t, and I could have misinterpreted the situation. He’s had numerous opportunities to start a further conversation, but he just says hello. But I get the impression he’s aware of me.

Next time I get chance, I plan to say something quite benign (maybe something about the sport etc) so at least if it goes nowhere, I’ve still got my dignity.
However other than ‘hello’, occasional light comments, I guess there is nothing more I can do, other than being around and making sure I look as good as I can, without looking ridiculous in a sports environment. Any suggestions?? Or does he sound pleasant but not interested?

I’m another fan of The Rules and had a similar dating history to @OrdinaryGirl

In fact I did The Rules when I met my now husband 25 years ago. I also do them in other areas of my life too. It stops you being a people pleaser.

Op, don’t add him on FB, don’t initiate the next conversation and see what happens. Let him come to you - if/ when he does that’s when you know he’s really interested you.

Download The Rules, some of the advice may be outmoded but the principle is the same.

I agree - Men have been asking women out since the dawn of time. They haven’t suddenly evolved into a population of terrified Victorian maidens who need three months of emotional preparation before saying hello.

How do these men even hold down jobs if they are so delicate and fragile?

I think if you’d be happy to be just friends then you need to get to know him by initiating more conversation. Take the pressure off yourself seeing him as an unobtainable crush. If he reciprocates in friendly terms then you’ll also know whether you like him as a person or if you’re compatible personality wise. If he doesn’t I believe there is your answer as to whether or not he’s interested.

I can’t remember all the details of The Rules but I’m sure it recommended letting the man make the first move. Were there any tips (other than what I have already tried) for giving a bit of encouragement? Be around, be friendly, look your best etc?

The Rules is essentially about not chasing men or trying to manufacture their interest. It advises women to step back, maintain their own lives, avoid overanalysing ambiguous signals, and let a man demonstrate his interest through his actions and effort.

The basic idea is that you shouldn't have to decode whether someone secretly likes you, create opportunities to get their attention, or make excuses for their lack of initiative - if they're genuinely interested, give them the space to show you.

It gets flack now for being “dated”, but honestly, I think there’s a lot of common sense in it. Especially in a world where people don’t want to be taken for granted or waste months investing time and energy in men who have no real intention of pursuing a relationship but are quite happy to enjoy the attention and validation.

I suspect part of why it works so well is that it encourages people to relax and actually enjoy their own lives rather than constantly analysing, “Does this guy like me? What did that look mean? Why hasn’t he texted?” And ironically, being relaxed, confident and focused on your own life is probably far more attractive than desperately trying to work out whether someone is interested in you.

The underlying philosophy of The Rules is that women should not aggressively pursue men, but rather, should encourage the men to pursue them

This is what Google says. In which case, I’m probably doing the right thing.

The fundamental idiocy of The Rules, He's Not That Into You, all the bollocks grifty self-help books of that ilk and the entire sentence "if he wanted to, he would" is that their underlying premise is that gendered rules of human behaviour even exist.

No, that's just an attempt to delude yourself that if you do X and Y then Z will follow.

Dating doesn't work like that, men don't work like that, women don't work like that. Humans and human attraction are varied and chaotic. "If he wanted to he would" is true of some men at some points and not of others. There are no rules. You make your own rules in this game.

It's not even that men aren't all the same and women aren't all the same. We don't respond to the same things in the same way from day to day. I'm not the same woman I was 5 or 10 years ago. It's all a game of chance.

The only rule you should ever follow is that if YOU want something, you should take steps towards getting it yourself.

Definitely agree men and women need to have different approaches to dating.

However, in 2026 it's not common for men to ask women out on A Date (especially at a gym). They're not going to want to be labelled a creep.

The guys with the confidence to do this often are old or weird or players.

Reckon there's a difference between showing "some" friendly interest and availability and doing all the work?

If you're:

• Having to overthink or come up with elaborate ruses or sex or a "fun" activity or complicated first date.

• Messaging and flirting and bantering loads and saying "we must get together" but never actually meeting

• Meeting but in an unreliable way and only according to the guys last minute plans or what he thinks is fun.

Chances are the guy is lukewarm.... might find you fun and attractive but not want to make any more effort unless it's super convenient.

However, if the guy is up for a simple physical meet at your convenience (a cup of tea or pub, and a walk/chat) it's a good early sign. A trip to the supermarket or helping with DIY is fine.

If he's attracted and sees you as serious dating material then "any plan works".

Doesn't matter who suggests it first.

It may be way off the mark here so ignore this if it is a bit left field, but I wonder if looking the as best as possible at the gym is a bit off-putting in the way it looks high maintenance? Since you have already tried that angle, OP, may try more mused/messy look without the perfect gym combo/gear, and see if that works. Just a thought.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed! 🤞

I try to look as best I can within the confines of the sport, but I don't think I'm OTT. To be honest, it boosts my confidence

Sorry but some men are just idiots.
I've known some who didn't appear to notice a gorgeous friend who's coincidentally always sitting next to them, etc. and when it's been pointed out that so and so like them, they go "oh!!!" and are suddenly interested.

But in the cases people have mentioned in this thread, people are saying that these men are deliberately smiling at them and giving them lots of eye contact so its not like they havent noticed them. They just arent doing anything about it

But in the cases people have mentioned in this thread, people are saying that these men are deliberately smiling at them and giving them lots of eye contact so its not like they havent noticed them. They just arent doing anything about it

So I have accepted this graciously. No plans to ask him out. I don't think there is anything complicated about the situation, I guess I'm just not his type.

I'd just continue being friendly and see what happens

I'd just continue being friendly and see what happens

Yep - I have also lowered my expectations