Does he sound interested, or is he just being friendly?

[ArmyGirl845]

Just tried to post this in Chat, but it keeps disappearing

There’s this guy at my sports group …… I know him vaguely as a friend of a friend, and he’s single. We’ve both been at the same group for a while, and suddenly over the summer he caught my eye, no idea why, but I’ve developed quite a crush.There was no way I could just approach him without looking really obvious, but one evening we ended up in the same crowd having a coffee, and since then we’re on ‘hello’ terms.

So far so good. We’ve since had a very brief conversation about the weather (!) we both arrived in reception just as the heavens opened and exchanged a few words, initiated by me, I said I wish I was back abroad on my holidays, and we had a brief exchange. He was pleasant and friendly and I think I detected a hint of attraction.

So now we’re three months on, each time we see each other he aways says hello, sometimes with a big grin and a glint in his eye (sorry, I sound like a teenager!) and other times, frustratingly, just a normal hello. But even if he’s with other people, he will always acknowledge me. However this has gone no further. There have been a few times when I’ve been on my own and I thought he was going to come over, but he didn’t, and I could have misinterpreted the situation. He’s had numerous opportunities to start a further conversation, but he just says hello. But I get the impression he’s aware of me.

Next time I get chance, I plan to say something quite benign (maybe something about the sport etc) so at least if it goes nowhere, I’ve still got my dignity.
However other than ‘hello’, occasional light comments, I guess there is nothing more I can do, other than being around and making sure I look as good as I can, without looking ridiculous in a sports environment. Any suggestions?? Or does he sound pleasant but not interested?

Don't listen to it OP because it's sarcastic, ill-intended drivel.

Don't listen to it OP because it's sarcastic, ill-intended drivel.

I definitely thought it was sarcasm

OP, despite the glint in his eye, there's an important reason why he's holding back.

For all you know, he could have a serious health issue that he doesn't disclose to most people and that's the reason why he's single, or there might be other important reasons.

And what makes you so sure he is actually single? Even if he is, he could be chasing another woman that's unknown to you, or holding out for an ex. If you were that much of a catch to him, he wouldn't risk declining to move things forward like he is now. He probably thinks you're quite nice, nice enough to flirt with (but it doesn't even sound like it's even progressed that far even), but not enough for him to want to do anything with. That's not the type man you need.

Fucking hell this thread was a frustrating read.

Firstly the reams of terrible, awful, no-good advice based on how all men - who are identical and exactly the same - would have pursued the OP if they wanted to. Some men are confident and some are shy and some are oblivious and some are not. When someone says "if he wanted to he would" in that faux-knowing way I just think... based on the three men you know?

Also post-MeToo all decent men will wait for women to make the move first. That is just how it is in 2026. I think that's a good thing, personally.

Secondly... OP, wearing slightly nicer sportswear and making small talk about the weather is not making a move or indicating any interest. You're doing less than the bare minimum because you're more concerned about being embarrassed if he's not into you - so you're actually blocking yourself from doing anything that demonstrates your interest.

Ask him out already! (I would say friend him on FB but in 2026 he might not even be active there any more.) Talk to him and find out if you have a common interest, or ask him to something related to your sport, or just say "fancy going for a coffee/drink after this week's run (or whatever it is)".

Tbh who wants a man who doesn’t even have enough confidence in his 40’s to come say hello and have an actual chat? It’s irrelevant if he likes her or not he’s not doing anything about it. Sorry I have a different opinion to others but I don’t think this is good for anyones self esteem waiting for someone to come and make a move when they likely aren’t going too. It’s no reflection on you or cos you’re not good enough he’s just not asking you out and who cares why you deserve someone who’s atleast got the slightest bit of courage to actually talk

Are you quite alright?!

Doesn't that apply the other way round too? Does he not deserve someone who's got a bit of courage to approach him?

MeToo has changed the game in terms of who approaches who. Decent men in 2026 are very aware of not crossing women's boundaries and they will wait for an obvious green light to proceed. Like I said, I think this is a good thing.

Doesn't that make the OP just as unattractive and sap-like as him because she also doesn't have the courage to say hello and chat to this man, far less to ask him out?

MeToo has changed the game in terms of who approaches who. Decent men in 2026 are very aware of not crossing women's boundaries and they will wait for an obvious green light to proceed. Like I said, I think this is a good thing.

I have been out of dating for literally decades, is this really how it works now?

Nah. I don’t care if I sound old fashioned I’m not approaching any man and asking him for a drink he can come to me. Let’s not pretend we live in a world where it’s the norm for women to approach first. If I gotta spend all this money time and effort into looking nice the least a man can do is initiate. I don’t make the rules unfortunately 😉

By the sounds of it though she’s shown enough interest. She says she’s initiated brief conversation. She smiles and is pleasant, she can’t do anymore without having something back in my opinion. I think it should be obvious to him that she at the very least is interested in chatting with him and he doesn’t seem to be coming and chatting to her. So my advance stands don’t do it to yourself. He’s either not interested which isn’t this ladies fault or he is but he’s gormless

In all seriousness though. I think it must be really hard to be back in the dating game after so long and genuinely the last thing I’d want is for you to fixate on this crush and then if nothing comes from it it affect your self esteem. Because like others have said if other men are interested in you in the club/class you do then I think that shows you’re a very attractive woman and I just don’t think you should be the one doing the leg work you sound lovely and have a lot to offer that’s my point x

This is how I’ve always thought. But tbh you see so much now, especially on Facebook regarding men afraid of making the first move and women calling men ‘princesses’ for not doing. I think everyone it just afraid to do anything these days 🥴

Im certainly no mover and shaker in the dating world lol. I was married for what felt like a hundred years and been single since we separated. No dates. 🤣

There is someone I’ve known a while on SM who’s always been friendly, liked and hearted my posts. We’ve chatted about stuff and wish each other happy birthday/Christmas etc. But I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea if he’s flirting with me or interested, it’s been so long 🫪😂

I made the first move on my husband and that was 30 years ago.
Not everyone is "old fashioned".
As a PP said, some men (not all) are a lot less forward that they used to be.
Sometimes you've got to go for it yourself.

I don’t care if I sound old fashioned I’m not approaching any man and asking him for a drink he can come to me. Let’s not pretend we live in a world where it’s the norm for women to approach first.

This is exactly what I think. We've had enough minor interactions now, for him to be able to mention the weather (!) or the sport etc, in a very general way, if he wanted to test the water, but I don't think he does.

I don't think this is damaging my self esteem (I really don't expect every man to want to go out with me!!) its just been a bit frustrating. There is a training session tomorrow morning, he's not attending due to work, and in the strangest way I'm slightly relieved, as at least I can relax a bit.

You can make whatever rules you want, it's your life. I never felt I had to spend any more money, time or effort on looking nice than the men I dated.

I was very shy in my teens and early 20s but after I graduated I had a moment where I realised that waiting for things (including men) to come to me meant I was just missing opportunities.

Smiling and making small talk about the weather is what I do to colleagues when I feel vaguely amenable. It's certainly not indicating any sexual interest in them!

In the post she says she initiated the conversation, since then there’s been no conversation. Dating aside I think social rules and norms say if you initiate a conversation and the other person sees you regularly and never initiates a second conversation then that is saying something. I’d apply the same for anywhere if I started a conversation with someone and they never came to start a conversation the next time that tells me they don’t have the urge to chat to me again. I want to make it clear though I don’t think that’s a reflection on the OP. Some people just don’t want to date no matter how great the person is. I’ve been in situations where people keep coming to talk to me and I think why are you doing this I’ve given you no indication I want to chat. And every time I see them I think oh god here we go. And it’s no reflection on them either I just don’t want to get to know them

That’s fine it works for me. I just think this lady has started a conversation on an occasion he never then reciprocated and next time he saw her tried to chat to her. He just left it as one conversation. I do think it’s just setting her up to fail to say no you should go try and talk for a second time, add him on Facebook, ask him for a drink. She has to see this man regularly due to the group they attend and if it were me in this situation I’d not want to risk being uncomfortable there because I misread a situation and was turned down. No it’s not the end of the world but I personally think he’s not really making any effort to even be her friend here and she has come across men who are making it clear they are interested in her so she’s clearly a catch. And I think she ought to be treated as such.

Absolutely @Becca997

My goal was to at least open the door to conversation with him, which I think I've done? If someone's mentioned the weather to me, and said hello and smiled consistently for a couple of months, surely that's enough of an open door to more conversation if a man is interested?

Aswell though I think there is a difference making a move on a man who’s a young adult and maybe shy or inexperienced. This is a man in his 40’s. I just don’t think I’d want to be with a 40 year old man who sounds confident and accomplished but then too scared to even have a chat with someone they fancy.

That's a fair point about age and shyness, I agree.
I would expect a man in his 40s to have more self confidence that a 20 yo.
But I have a single female friend who's 50 and wants a partner. But she has a strict rule to never make the first move.
Surprisingly she's been single for years now...
Just go for it!

Maybe after you've done your sporty thing , ask the group if anyone fancies a coffee / drink and hopefully he will be one that comes along and see if he strikes up a good convo and see where it goes .

Given his age, other parts of his life and his general demeanour when I see him, I don't think he'd have any problems approaching me on a safe topic of conversation, if he was interested. We do the same sport, there are plenty of easy things to strike up conversation about. So I conclude that beyond pleasantries etc, that's about it.

Agree with this. Its been 3 months, most men arent that shy when it comes to women they find attractive and in my experience, if in three months, he hasn't been escalating things - eg stopping you for chats, asking how you are, looking for reasons to talk to you, find out about you etc - basically looking for reasons to be near you and talk to you then I dont think he's interested, I'm afraid.

My gut feeling from what you've described is - he finds you mildly attractive but not enough to move the conversation on to anything longer or deeper. He might be officially single but I also suspect he's casually dating/shagging other women which reinforces his general lack of urgency to progress things forward with you. Attractive men rarely spend many evenings all by themselves.