Does he sound interested, or is he just being friendly?

[ArmyGirl845]

Just tried to post this in Chat, but it keeps disappearing

There’s this guy at my sports group …… I know him vaguely as a friend of a friend, and he’s single. We’ve both been at the same group for a while, and suddenly over the summer he caught my eye, no idea why, but I’ve developed quite a crush.There was no way I could just approach him without looking really obvious, but one evening we ended up in the same crowd having a coffee, and since then we’re on ‘hello’ terms.

So far so good. We’ve since had a very brief conversation about the weather (!) we both arrived in reception just as the heavens opened and exchanged a few words, initiated by me, I said I wish I was back abroad on my holidays, and we had a brief exchange. He was pleasant and friendly and I think I detected a hint of attraction.

So now we’re three months on, each time we see each other he aways says hello, sometimes with a big grin and a glint in his eye (sorry, I sound like a teenager!) and other times, frustratingly, just a normal hello. But even if he’s with other people, he will always acknowledge me. However this has gone no further. There have been a few times when I’ve been on my own and I thought he was going to come over, but he didn’t, and I could have misinterpreted the situation. He’s had numerous opportunities to start a further conversation, but he just says hello. But I get the impression he’s aware of me.

Next time I get chance, I plan to say something quite benign (maybe something about the sport etc) so at least if it goes nowhere, I’ve still got my dignity.
However other than ‘hello’, occasional light comments, I guess there is nothing more I can do, other than being around and making sure I look as good as I can, without looking ridiculous in a sports environment. Any suggestions?? Or does he sound pleasant but not interested?

Ooooooo…. He could just be shy then, create opportunities to chat, does he seem relaxed or nervous around you?

Also, what do you mean exactly when you say you'll be punching above? Is he amazingly good looking? Why are you putting yourself down? You've said you've had more attention from other guys at the sport, so you can't be hideous.

IMO, you get some people who are conventionally attractive, then others who are just as attractive but have an extra something. It’s hard to describe and probably very much down to personal preference. I’m probably in the first category while he’s in the latter. He’s got an interesting career and used to play a different sport to a very high standard.

Get chatting and ask him out for a drink! Practise your flirting on him. You've got nothing to lose. If he says no, he says no and you move on.

Alternatively, enjoy the thrill of the smiles and having a crush 🥰

Alternatively, enjoy the thrill of the smiles and having a crush 🥰

This sounds a bit more like it!

I'm happily single right now but I'd be up for a bit of harmless flirting to give me a boost. The drama of a relationship would put me off! Enjoy it 😊

It sounds promising, OP! I really liked your weather conversation I think it’s a lot more charming than overtly flirty talk. I think just wait a few more times to see if it progresses past hello and then reassess from there.

Watching with interest! I'm in a similar situation where I've suddenly developed a crush on someone I've known for a few years, who is now single.

I think that he's interested in me and we're vvvv slowly getting to know each other on a more personal basis....and I mean slowly!

Although he's a lovely guy so I can't be 100% sure that I've not misinterpreted friendliness! Can't decide how to make my interest known without embarrassing myself.

It's probably written by an actual man. And men are who we need to hear from in this kind of situation. They actually know how men think! 😄

I saw him tonight, but kept my distance. He would definitely have seen me though.

I honestly do not think this guy is interested. But for clarity girls if you like someone or are interested - just ask. Be honest. "I am not sure if I am misreading things - I know we do not know each other well but could we be more than friends". I will say though usually when it is right it just kind of happens and you do not really have to guess. In my experience anyway.

I'm beginning to think he isn't interested either, or at least not interested enough to do anything about it, which is why I've decided to (mentally) step back a bit. I've created a whole big scenario about it, which has been - thankfully - only in my imagination, I haven't breathed a word to a soul.

He probably just thinks I'm a friendly person in his sport group.

But all this turning myself inside out about it is exhausting, so I'm going to admire from a distance from now on. We'll still be in the same place at the same time several times per week, but I'll leave it at that, rather than devising ways that my training schedule can overlap with his, so that we're only a few feet apart (and therefore more likely to catch eyes/say hello etc) at points during each session.

Edited to add: if we do end up having any more conversations, I'd feel ok to send him a FB request, as I would do this normally with people I don't fancy!!

So now he’ll maybe think you’re not interested… Just an attempt to catch his eye and give a big smile would ‘say’ something to him… Please don’t give up on this. I think more opportunities to chat need to be ‘created’.

Fair point @Sometimeslifeishardbutwecarryon but I have been doing this for a few months now?

Those people saying men would make the move if they are interested are wide of the mark. Some would, yes, some would never - they'd be playing the same mind games OP is (does she like me or not).
Personally I would just make sure you're near him from time to time while doing the sport, or preparing for it.
For example, I run with a club. As we're hanging around waiting to get going I generally go stand with someone I know so I can chat with them.
Just do that and see how it goes.
He might like you but not be sure how to proceed.

If it was me I’d probably find a reason to open up conversation then. Maybe a question about your love of the sport or scheduling etc and then lead into something more general like families etc. Maybe he’d mention a gf or partner then if he has one. I do know that some men need a nudge sometimes ! It may be that you each fear rejection (who doesn’t ?) but someone needs to make a bolder move and that ‘could’ be you ! Good luck.

When I read it, I thought it must be AI?

I'm not giving up completely, but after a couple of months of running my whole diary around the sports group, very careful deliberations over sports wear (no just 'bunging an old t-shirt on') and doing my best to be in his path during training - Chat GPT tells me 'proximity' is key - we've still only had one conversation, about the weather, that I initiated. Three hello's per week, of varying intensity, has led no further.

My biggest fear is that he notices (or worse still, tells someone) that I seem to be following him around, and that he's irritated rather than flattered. I'd love to do a poll on how many single men would like the attention, even if they don't plan to do anything about it!

Sorry, just to add that if I scale this down a bit, and lower my expectations, I might relax a bit and then there's more potential for conversation. I still plan to be turning up, wearing my improved sportswear wardrobe!

If this is going to become anything whatsoever, he needs to do something too. Otherwise it would seem you are trying to convince him that he should be friends or in a relationship with you.

Just relax, step back and play the long game. You know nothing about his personal life - he could be on dating apps, you don't know. Just be friendly and blasé and don't give the situation too much time/energy/thought.

If this is going to become anything whatsoever, he needs to do something too.

Exactly!

I hate to say it, but it doesn't sound like he's actively interested. If he is above average good looking, played a sport to a high level and has an interesting career, he's likely to be quite a confident man who attracts women quite easily, and is able to make a move.

That's not to say you couldn't make him interested but you might have to strategise a bit. Many women have before you. Kate Middleton, for one.

You need a hook. Something about you that intrigues him, other than you being around and keen on him. Is there a mega challenge in your sport that you could go for? Is there something exciting or fascinating happening in your life that will make him remember you?

I have seen this happen - high powered men switch on if they realise you are doing something they admire or that intrigues them.

But the only thing William had going for him was his royal status (which would also put a lot of sensible people off) and its associated riches (and KM's family were relatively wealthy, too, so it was hardly rags to riches) -- his looks faded early, and nothing about him suggests anyone who is one whit different to the run of the mill UC yah with an unusually fucked-up family background.

I mean, I'm not sure it's exactly an example of KM punching above her weight.

As @HorseandHeron has just mentioned, he's got a senior job that's pretty full on (in a profession where the divorce rate is high), he has previously played sport to a high level and is also involved in other sports now, and travels a lot in pursuit of this. All of which may explain why he seems to have been single for a while, and probably hasn't got much time in his life for a relationship. Another reason for me to cool it a bit.

I said earlier in the thread that I'm probably punching above my weight. I know I'm attractive but lack the 'hook' I think.

Take a chance ask him out!

You miss 100% of all the shots you don’t take.