Good first date but unsure whether he is genuinely interested

[EagerGreyCat]

Perspective needed - first date went well but I’m confused about his level of interest.

I’ve been talking to a guy for around 4 weeks. From the start he was consistent, messaging daily, wanting to meet, and making effort to arrange seeing me. He lives a distance away, so meeting wasn’t a small effort and I appreciated him coming my way.

The date happened yesterday and we went for a little excursion to the seaside. I brought bits for us, as I knew we will be out a while.

In person there was chemistry. He was very affectionate, lots of hugging, holding hands, kissing, joking, and we both seemed very relaxed around each other. We could sit quietly together without it feeling awkward (or at least I did albeit he said he was relaxed too).

My uncertainty is that he seemed much more physically expressive than verbally curious. He does ask about me via messages or calls, and keeps conversations going, but he didn’t ask many deeper follow-up questions about me or my life, which made me wonder whether he was genuinely trying to get to know me. We did speak a fair bit prior to meeting so we did cover basic compatibilities but I seem to be asking thoughtful questions and really wanting to get to know him, whereas I'm not sure how many of those he initiated albeit we have a good laugh and conversation continues. I did take a slight step back to let him lead during the date whilst remaining warm and playful.

He followed through after the date with confirming hr get home and thanked me for bringing bits and hugs. What he hasn’t said is anything like “I enjoyed seeing you,” or “I’d like to see you again." As of yet. We just resumed normal day to day conversation.

From a male perspective, would you read this as a guy who’s clearly interested but just not very verbal, or as someone who enjoyed the physical side but may not necessarily want to take it further? Usually I can tell straight away but over here I am unsure as he ticked a lot of my boxes on paper, I felt relaxed with him and found him attractive but the lack of curiosity is confusing me. 1st date jitters or just not that interested?

"What he hasn’t said is anything like “I enjoyed seeing you,” or “I’d like to see you again." As of yet. We just resumed normal day to day conversation."

The date was only yesterday!

Have you said the same to him and he didn't reply or have neither of you said it?

I havent said it either but only because I felt I have been the more curious one over messages and calls. Majority of deeper questions came from me so i took a slight step back to see if he will lead in person and what he will do. Im one of those people that gets on with almost everyone and can create a vibe by myself so have been making conscious changes and letting people show me who they are too.

You brought bits

Not everyone is like you though.

I know lots of people who are fond of asking questions and plenty who aren't really. Or they'll take their time to ask over a few months, or even years.

It doesn't always mean they're not bothered, it's just the way they are.

Too soon to tell I'd say. Give it time!

I think you are overthinking/getting way ahead. You have only had one date.

The only thing that is important at this point is that you enjoyed each other's company.

Whether he asked lots of questions isn't neccessarily a reflection on wanting to get to know you. He might be happy to have fun in the moment.

It's obviously impossible to say from what you describe but asking lots of deep questions could make a date feel like an interrogation so be cautious of that.

Food and drink

I know and exactly why im asking as feeling confused. Ultimately sick and tired of dating and dont want to invest myself emotionally and scared of reading it wrong

He sounds nice, so stop the daft overthinking, give the guy a chance & go on more dates. Good luck!

In the nicest sounding way, you are sounding like hard work. It sounds like it went well.

Dont think i am... brought food, I am open, fun, communicative, independent and considerate. But I have been hurt many times because I clearly attract men who want something from me but rarely offer much in return and this one feels different.

But that's dating for you.

You either need to accept there's a chance that'll happen, or stop doing it.

As feelings and emotions grow, so can closeness but obviously it won't happen in every relationship.

And without a crystal ball, there's no way of knowing in advance.

I think a second date and then decide

Just ask him if he wants a second date, he might be wondering the same.

I agree it's too early to tell. However I'm wondering whether with all the hugging and kissing, that maybe he might get the impression you're only after something physical too. It seems very early to decide to get physically affectionate.

Nothing wrong with it, but you may not have been giving off "I'm looking for a serious relationship" vibes. If indeed you are. Just a thought.

Hugging, holding hands and kissing is a lot for a first date – not in the prudish sense, but that’s very coupley and you’re not a couple. Was he hoping you’d invite him back to yours?

I agree in the day after a first date you would give a message about wanting there to be a second date. Who initiated the first date? If it was him, maybe he’s waiting for YOUR lead.

You have only met him once. You don't know why he is like he is. Could be he's not asking deeper questions because he's not interested. Could be he is holding back because he doesn't want to be intrusive. Or because of many other reasons.

How does it feel to think about meeting him again?

We spoke about that before and I was very clear i am seeking marriage and life partner.

He definitely wasn't and we both took day off work to meet and spend time together and he knew I needed to leave by certain time to collect my DC from school. I enjoyed the hugging and kissing, I was just as much into him which is unusual for me.

He initiated first date and was very understanding about waiting for suitable day

If he initiated then the ball is in your court. Step up.

Really ? Do women ask men on dates now? Further up the line maybe, but first 3-5 dates?

Absolutely they do. Very archaic thinking there, sorry.

No. Don’t ask him for another date. I’ve never met a man too shy to let a woman know if he wants to see her again, put it like that

I mean, you could ask him out if you wanted to. But time will tell if he’s still interested tbh…

in future, don’t have weeks long build ups to dates which then involve picnics and cuddling and kissing. It sounds a lot tbh. Just meet for a drink or a coffee and then you don’t get all this couple feeling angst

Sadly its not possible. I am a single parent and rely on paid childcare that books up in advance.

We matched when I was travelling and the chat was amazing so thats how I even ended up talking to him in the first place and why there is distance.

I can’t work out if you are being serious or not?!! Of course women ask people out, what a ridiculous thing to say!!